PATIENCE IS VIRTUE WITH KIDS

If you do not have the patience to deal with a child, make it.

Yes, make patience, form it, develop it, rough it out. No matter how hard it is going to be for you, you really need to be patient with your children especially during their pre-vocab periods.

Here are three instances when I took the time to really try to understand my child (who turns two at the end of April) rather than lose my temper with her and it solved every mystery!

(A) Mystery #1: A squinting matter

Eva has been watching TV really close up lately. I did not understand why she had to do that every single time her favourite programmes were on. Was it because she wants to be upclose and personal with her favourite characters? Does she have eyesight problems? Hearing problems? 

We had several screaming matches because of it (she was the one screaming most of the time): "Sofa, Eva. Go sit at the sofa. Please don't watch TV so upclose. You will be wearing glasses by kindergarden." "kappa kappa nehno nah? NO!!!!" 

Sigh.

Apparently the real answer was revealed only when I took the time to sit down with her and watch a show, this time it was Mickey Mouse Clubhouse (highly recommended for toddlers).

  

The sofa is a good six to eight feet away from the TV. The discrepancy is due to the sofa being shifted front and back as it is not propped up against a wall. Up above, we installed a false panel with six appropriately placed lights to evenly light up the living room. It was eventually identified as the culprit to her fascination with the TV in close vicinity. 

The lights were making it difficult for her to see the TV screen! Even I was having a hard time absorbing the bright colours of the show AND the lights positioned at the two corners of my eyes. Ever since I swapped the lights for a row of lights shining behind the sofa (as opposed to in front of the sofa), she has kept herself to the middle of the living room or right at the far end where the sofa is. 

(B) Mystery #2: Scary doors

Eva was making a fuss of sleeping by herself, as in without me sitting right next to her and doing nothing but watch her drift into dreamland - it was unusual to say the least. She would be frightened (hands tapping on her chest and saying "pa pa" which was the signal for being scared) to be in our bedroom, with the lights out or with the door closed. Now before you freak yourself out with stories of the paranormal, believe me, the real answer was far from that.

I had just submitted a project within its deadline and found some time (and the need!) to take a nap. Hence, I took one, with Eva, on our bed. Suddenly I heard thumping noises coming from the attached bathroom. The noises were caused by the low pressure inside the bathroom, where we kept two bathroom windows slightly opened to clear the air of fumes and other odors, when it gets windy around our condo. 

Eva immediately sat up and did the pa pa signal and I figured out that it was the noises from the bathroom door that caused all that fear of taking naps during the afternoon. I put a piece of towel or cloth to stop the door from shutting and the noise were also muffled.

Eva slept really well after that.

(C) Mystery #3: Playing with water

Eva was really testing me the last three days during bath time. She refuses to let me wash her hair, or dry it afterwards. She also refuses to leave the bathroom after we were done with her bath. Lastly, she kept playing with the water that was rushing towards the drainage pipe, dirty water that were cleansed off her body and hair. 

She would cry and throw tantrums in front of the bathroom for a long time, half an hour of pure screaming and never-ending tears. When I finally couldn't take it, I let her dad take over the bathing for awhile, which he did, without a single tear from Eva. 

As I observed the way he did it, I figured that we both had different approaches to giving Eva her bath. Mine was quick and easy, minimizing the use of water and getting her out as quick as possible so that she won't catch a cold. His was a lingering time in the bathtub with a lot of fun and plenty of time for him to dry her hair properly before she leaves warmth of the bathroom.

While both our methods had its strengths and weaknesses, Eva obviously prefers her dad's more fun bathing methods and therefore throws tantrums whenever I don't follow his method. I also had to explain to my husband why I don't want to. "What if we had to take baths at other places for example, like our parent's houses, where there are no bathtubs? And what do you think about using so much of their water for a simple bath for a toddler?" His response: "We can always use the basins to wash clothes in" and "Why won't they let a toddler take a fun bath?" 

The jury is still out on that but that's another story altogether.

So if your toddler is giving you a hard time, throwing tantrums left right and centre, take a few minutes out of your busy schedule and just sit down with them or go through the process together with them, view things from their perspective, and you might be able to put these tantrums to rest in no time. 

best of luck! - Mama Sing.