DON'T MAKE ME...

My love for writing fiction has died. Or at least, I have let my technical side take over the creative side. I'm second-guessing myself every time I write a sentence. At least now it isn't so bad but that was only because I wasn't attempting to try to write anything.

Hence, a note to writers out there who aspire to be fiction writers, do not indulge yourself into other forms of writing work, don't work for publishers who have a specific agenda that is not fiction-related. It will kill your creativity, and if your supervisor is bad enough, it will kill your love for writing.

NEW SCHEDULE

Took about a week plus to readjust from time-chimed working life to no-time-limit whatsoever life. I won't say it was all hunky-dory but hey... just needs some getting used to. Mornings have disappeared from my life because I now sleep at 2 am (on a good night) and usually it is after other people have started snoring. What do I do with the time? Nothing useful, you can bet that. 

But I what wanted to write about was the new phenomena (at least to me) of going from a 9-to-5-I-don't-have-time-for-anything mode to a I-can-do-whatever-the-hell-I-want mode. The latter is scary, seriously. 

You don't keep track of your meals, when to get your morning coffee (usually it is already what, 1pm by the time I remember that I needed it), brushing your teeth is not the first thing you do in the morning, your daily objectives is to think of what meals to prepare for lunch and dinner (whenever that happens), bathing is an option (but still necessary if you want to go out and meet someone and keep that person alive at the end of the meeting), you hog the TV because now you need not schedule TV into your.. er.. schedule, you can actually go to a sale anytime you want (which makes it no fun or half as alluring no more) etc.

I seriously had a hard time adjusting to all that. It might all sound peachy but to go from "there is a time for every thing" during school, university and work to "there's time for anything and everything"... well, if you don't have goals, you will go nuts.

That's what happened to me. I felt blurry in the first week. I don't know what day it is, what time it is when I wake up (but the sun was shining down on me with vengeance), I don't care about the news no more unless it is funny or it has to do with me forking out more money, speaking of which, yes I am still doing freelance work stuff for peanuts but hey, I'm having fun spoiling my kid.. speaking of which, is a real pain-in-the-ass while she tries to recuperate from her soggy mood from being sick for more than a week now (checks her watch) eh yup, it's been 8 days now but she is doing better thanks to the antibiotics the doc gave her. I really need to put in more effort to raise her immune system up to standard. This cannot go on! 

That's it! That's my new goal! woo hoo... now to actually organise it into something that is workable. I feel so productive suddenly. Yeah, maybe that's what I was craving for, to feel productive. Sigh... Is it too early to go back to work?

I AM FREE

My last day was last Thursday. The farewell was brief and almost non-existent. Best thing about it is, I don't really care. Sigh, that's how low it has sunk, and how bad it stunk. But anyhow, I can now spend more time with my daughter, with my already dying blog, with my husband, my family (my sis) and going back to school. I have missed the closing date for this January's intake but it's not a huge loss, because now I have no qualms of applying for the June intake. And while we're on this topic, the websites for local universities really really suck. Even though they aren't directly paid to maintain the websites, but they will do better if their universities are ranked better, and how can you get local universities to be ranked better if you can't get more foreign students to apply to study in your university? 

It's frustrating that you lose out on an application due to a technicality, and for god's sakes, this is the Internet age, all the latest updates should be on the website! How can you ask a student from penang to drive all the way to your doorstep to get info, just because you want them to be independent, proactive and have initiative? You don't have any of those things to begin with. 

*breathe, breathe*... enough with the ranting. What if people find out that you are b*tching about them before you apply for the course? gasp, I have half a mind to delete this post now... but I won't until I apply for the January intake, and get it, and graduate from it. Besides, what I just wrote is true what.

I hope I won't miss January's intake. Sigh...

GOALS BEFORE 30

Excuse my fascination with goals, but apart from the fact that I was brought up with goals, it really ensures that things get going and more importantly, get done.

From the day you are born until you come out to work -- which could be between 18 to 23 (or 30 for some people who prefer to study longer) -- almost all your goals are set by somebody that is not you. How many A's to get, distinctions to obtain, ambitions to follow... it's all dictated by your parents, teachers, guardians, even your peers. Until you come out to work, everyone is pretty much following a scale that is set by society. The rest just follows.

So what happens when you come out to work? Many lose their way in the first few years of their working life. It's not to say that they cannot find their way around -- not that kind of loss although it does happen in no-GPS occasions -- but they lose sight of what really matters in their life. For instance, some work and take out the 'play' in life. They stay in the office for 12 to 15 hours, are rarely seen out under the sun and attend office parties that they can't really say no to. 

But I digressed.

Back to the point of this post, yes, what are the goals that one would hope to achieve by 30? Frankly, I wouldn't know because everyone has their own list of things to do before they die: travel, have property and assets, marry, start a family, have their own business, start their own centre, have a gallery named after themselves, get a PhD, fly a plane, find the Loch Ness Monsters etc. 

It doesn't really matter which is it, there is not right or wrong, but at the very least, you have to achieve some goals before a certain time. Else, you will feel it in the next class reunion. It's not shameful to bow to peer pressure, in fact, there seems to be a biological need to feel the pressure or to stand up to it by competing against the rest. How else can you explain how much you hate Carrie's new handbag or killer pumps?

My goals were really set by the time I was 16. Achieving them is in a whole new category but still, I am lucky that I have pretty much most of them covered: Get married and have lovely family and children (1 down, 1 more to go), have a car, get a nice house, a stable career (which I am putting on hold for the time being), a Master's (going for it, hence the pit stop for the career; may consider a PhD if the bill fits but it's not a goal set in stone) and being free from financial despair (after paying for a wedding, an album, a house and everything in it, a kid, a Master's) with plenty of save-save-savings and a walking, talking ATM machine to fall back on (I got two, tee hee hee).

Problem now is, figuring out a new set of goals to achieve before I'm 40. O_o"

WORK LIFE BALANCE, YA RIGHT?

It is doable. You just have to be tough enough to rough it out. Work-life balance is for most the 'holy grail' but it isn't that hard to get. Really.

There are only 24 hours in a day; 8 hours are devoted to work, at least 2 hours to get to work and back, 3 hours for 3 meals (unless you skip breakfast), 2 hours (okay, maybe 2.5 hours) wasting time online, answering emails, on facebook, youtube, twitter etc, 7 hours of sleep and 2 hours in between for your toilet/washroom escapades, being sick, housechores, bill-paying, tv, cooking, washing, freaking out over your sick kid etc. 

How do you do it?

There is such a thing as work-life balance, it just means different things to different people. 

But there are a few rules that could actually help you get your act together.

No.1, Have a cut off point for everything. Give yourself enough time for work, and after you have used up all the alloted time, drop everything and continue on with your life. This means that if 8 hours is not enough, give yourself up to 10 or 12 hours, but beyond that, you have to stop thinking about work and focus on the other aspects of life.

No. 2, you don't have to be supermom all the time. This means that it is okay for you to skip some not so urgent matters so you can tend to the more urgent matters first. Not everything needs to be done right now. 

No. 3, know when you need a break, rest up and then get going again. Taking a break every week or so is a much better option than falling sick which will take you out for half a week; how will you ever catch up under such conditions? You don't. So, take a lot of fluids, vitamins if you need to, catch up on sleep after you've lost enough to keep you dizzy and start you on 24/7 IV fluids. Back down before you break down.

No. 4, be brutally honest when you find yourself trapped. 'Lizzie, before you go back for the night, do you think you can prepare the Johnsons' report for me by tomorrow? I have a meeting with them at 9am and I got a match to watch tonight so I'm too busy to do it even if the match ends at 11 and you had been camping at the office for the last two days.' 

You know when is a good time to just say NO.

No. 5, be brutally strict with your kid as well. Here is when a lot of parents screw up. They only exact discipline when they are in a bad mood, they had a rough day, they have a deadline to catch or when someone else is watching. Don't believe me? Have you ever seen parents who act like they are paralysed whenever they see their kid climb precariously onto an adult's chair? Then, they start scolding their kid when the kid does the same thing whenever someone comes to visit. 

Please, you're confusing the kid. How is the kid supposed to know whether or not they can or cannot climb dangerously onto chairs? They'd be more likely to think that they CAN do that when no one in particular is watching. That's when they start coming to you with bruises, injuries and wounds that 'come from nowhere'. 

Explain to the child that it is dangerous for them to do so, but allow them to climb onto the chair (or do any other it's only dangerous if you fall actions) with you around to act as the safety net. If the child falls, be there to comfort him or her, but do not react strongly (like shout when they fall or raise the tone of your voice) in the event this happens. What you can do is to nurse the pain for a bit, tell them that you told them to not climb because you knew this was going to happen. 

Explain to them also that if they do that again, they should use special precautions, be more careful or only do it when you are around in case they may fall again. You can't be there all the time but your child should understand that you will be there for them no matter what idiotic situations they get themselves in. You have to let your child grow before they can.

Best of luck, working parents out there!

NANNY 911

I don't know why I never heard of the show but Nanny 911 (on NTV7, Fridays, 830 to 930pm) is an awesome show where you can learn how to bring up kids - yours included - that you thought were unmanageable. 

There are four nannies; my favourite is stella who has her own page here. On each episode one of the nannies will be assigned to a problematic household, most of which have problems that will really really make you cringe, be suspended in a state of disbelief for an hour or just question whether or not the whole thing is scripted.

For instance, one family has a pig who has its own room inside the house. The mother was portrayed as a parent who loves the pet more than her own kids although I find that hard to believe, but stranger things have happened. Her younger daughter plays with poo (takes it right out of the diaper and flings it around) and both daughters eat their food off the floor and drinks out of a pet dish. Err... yeah, it was one of the worst cases I've seen so far. 

Worst still, the mother doesn't think that there is a problem with it. Although she was worried when the assigned nanny told her that she was running her home like a zoo, she was quite reluctant to change her ways and how she raises her kids. Fair enough, she has been doing it ever since the first child was born but somehow or rather (and this happens for ALL the episodes), within a week of the nanny being with the household, the parents will totally change for the better, the kids will be well mannered and their lifestyle will be more structured. THAT part, I find hard to believe but is willing to readily accept because like all Disney-raised kids, I love happy endings.

Still, there was one particular advice that really stuck to me, which was given by nanny Stella (hence, the reason she was my favourite). She mentioned three things that kids thrive on, structure, rewards and consequences(?) which meant that they must have a structured life, nap at 2pm, play at 4pm, set hours for food, baths, play etc. They also should be allowed the chance to make their own decisions, with all the options and consequences laid out before they should give their final verdict: 'If you jump from that couch one more time, you will be getting a ten-minute timeout at the corner of the room.' And they expect for the rule to be enforced, and strictly, I might add. 

I think it works for western kids I guess, being sent to bed without supper, being sent to their rooms or getting timeouts at the corner. I don't really see my daughter feeling punished over it but then we're on the other side of the world where we drive on the 'wrong side' of the road anyways. =)

I'm not sure what punishment I would allay on her hair but one thing is for sure, she has a fan in her dad, a fan who doubles as her superman, meaning... I am the bad cop, he will always be the good cop and I might add - the good cop who tops/veto/overrules the bad cop. Initially, I wasn't very happy with the idea, but after awhile, even he realises that there has to be a limit to everything and when he turns into the bad cop, and my daughter has nowhere to turn to, that is when she sheds her manipulative outlook and becomes the angel who we love and look forward to seeing and having. 

She stays in that mode for 48 hours tops. 

Anyways, Nanny 911 is very informative but Mama Sing would like to add that you don't have to follow every advice you see on the show down to the very last detail. Follow your intuition and know when to stop, when to hold your ground and when to act as the parents that they 'need' you to be.

AM I READY TO BE A PARENT?

If you are asking yourself this question now, chances are you're thinking about it, or you think that time is running out. Doesn't really matter whatever your actual reason is... if you are in your late 20s or early 30s, it's about time you start thinking about parenthood.

The Why
The why is almost as subjective as 'why do I love ice cream'? Personal preferences aside, here are some of the reasons why you are asking yourself if you are ready to be a parent.

1. Your friends are getting married or already posting their babies' 'fresh-out-of-the-oven' photos on facebook.

2. Your friends have started their one/two year hiatus from their usual 'social life' to deal with the needs of parenthood. They don't call it 'biting the dust' for no good reason.

3. You feel that your biological clock is ticking faster than you originally thought it would. Suddenly, 30 is too old an age to get pregnant.

4. Celebrities are already having babies left, right and centre. It was the latest trend two years ago but hey, if they're doing it...

5. You hear horror stories about how scary childbirth and pregnancy is the older you get. Check out my post on how not easy it is to get pregnant if you haven't already.

The impact (on your life)
Parenthood is not for the faint-hearted; no, seriously, I'm not kidding. It's also not for those who hasn't gotten over 'having a life'. With kids around, you don't get to sleep well, you keep looking at the time whenever you are out with friends, you pay through your nose to get someone else to watch over your kid, you worry whenever they do a bad job which would mean you need to look for a replacement; the list goes on... 4evar!

But as with the cons, there are pros too with parenthood. 

You learn to be more tolerant and patient with adults since you get all the practice when you deal with your kid(s). You grow up overnight, take on more responsibilities like cleaning their butts and having daily encounters with human excrements. You take better care of yourself so that you will be around longer to see your kids grow up, get married and have their own kids. You learn to love. You learn to forgive. When you do get some sleep, you sleep with a baby, like a baby. You become a more careful person, who plans ahead, who uses checklists, who drive within the speed limit, who buys stuff at a whim, who sheds the stress that you bring home from work the moment your kids call you mama or kisses you goodnight...

Simple pleasures of parenthood can easily outweigh the hardships. They are the reasons for siblings.

The how
Now, this part will need a little bit of education. No, not sex education. That part you already know from other parts of the Internet - we won't go there - but I'm talking more about knowing what you should prepare for before you get pregnant. 

You should be as healthy as possible at least a full year before getting pregnant. You should get your cycle straightened out and stabilised. You should stop smoking, drinking, taking drugs that are not prescribed by a doctor for an illness that could have been avoided, partying too late at night until you live on three hours of sleep daily (believe me you will get less in the first year you become a parent) and lastly you should be sure that your relationship with your partner is stable enough for the both of you to pull through the rough patches together. It is of course, easier said that done, but not necessarily undoable. Then again, if you are unwilling to give all that up, maybe parenthood is still not a zone you want to be in yet.

Lastly, the kids
They will be cheeky, naughty, mischievously fun, make you pull your hair one minute and then make you ooo and aaaa the next. They're wonderful creatures that absorb everything (good and bad) like a sponge and at times are a walking, talking mirror reflecting who you are without consciously faking it or disguising it. You'd be surprised what you see in their behaviour and their choice of words. You may not like it, but again it is a reminder of how you can change and try to be better. For what is the use of a parent, if not to guide children into society in the form of useful individuals who can and will do their part to help better the community for the greater good... or make bloody good ice cream. Yay!

Dream big!

HAPPY 53RD BIRTHDAY, MALAYSIA!

In exactly one hour from the beginning of this blog post, the country that I live in, Malaysia will be turning 53. And every year at the end of the month, we find ourselves reminded of what it really means to be patriotic. None of us really know.

I've never 'celebrated' Hari Merdeka (Independence Day) by sticking with a crowd of several tens of thousands to watch a ten minute display of air-polluting fireworks not because I'm a wet blankie but I am part of the generation which celebrates independence day our own way. We don't fly flags on the rooftops of our cars two weeks before the 31st comes because we fear that the flag will get drenched in the rain. Besides, have you ever really thought of what happens to the mini-flags post-merdeka day?

I grew up in a school which taught us that the Malaysian flag should never be allowed to touch the ground so as to not dirty it. It was a rule we held on to, even inside our hearts, and even to this day. We find our own way to remind ourselves and the people around us that independence day is really a day to be celebrated.

For starters, we pay our taxes and summonses as required because 1. we owe it to the government to do our duty and 2. It was our fault anyways and it beats submitting to paying a less hefty fine to get out of trouble aka bribery.

We also don't litter or vandalise government property.

We don't eat our lunches in front of our muslim friends during the fasting month.

We don't tell people to go back to their home country just because we are so powerful we don't get in trouble when we say it out loud OR we're drunk in a parliament session.

We don't make insulting rap songs just to prove a point. That's Namewee's job.

We don't call our friends immigrants, even though we all are. Only Orang Asli's are the real owners of the land that are theirs no longer, politically at least.

Note: I use 'we' throughout the whole post because I'd like to believe that I am not alone. Which I am not.

Call me optimistic. We don't care. We get to pray to our Gods in a country where everyone understands that other people have their own Gods to pray to. We don't crucify others for being different. We don't force others to conform to our religions and practices either. 

That would have been what our forefathers would have wanted for us to do. To cherish the aftermath of a fight for freedom in a time when we had more reason to hate each other and fight each other, but instead, we stuck with each other through thick and thin, followed 1party to freedom and formed a whole new nation on Dataran Merdeka on this very day 53 years ago. 

I wish that we have not forgotten like many other things that we have lost memory of that Tunku Abdul Rahman called Merdeka seven times, not three. And that's the truth because there were thousands of witnesses who heard him and saw him raise his hand to the sky to declare that we are free of colonial rule, that we are free to walk the streets with our heads held high, that we can be called 'citizens' for the very first time after milleniums of being the trophy of conquests, to die by the hundreds of thousands in senseless war brought on by reckless greed and the need to bully and control the weak and defenseless.

I wish that we do not forget our friends in Sabah and Sarawak who joined us on the 16th of September and truly forming Malaysia as we know it now, who celebrate merdeka with the people on Tanah Melayu because they fought their own wars against war-bringers with their own agendas. 

And I wish that we do not forget the many who have died to set us free. We may not know their names or even pronounce them correctly. They may be of Malaysian blood; they may be of foreign blood but there are those who did their part in securing our homeland for us, consciously or not. We remember them by naming streets, landmarks, monuments, schools, universities, megastructures after them... lest we forget.

And there are many who forget. Because forgetting is easy, appreciating is too damn hard.

DEDICATED PROFESSIONALS

It's too easy to take for granted the needs of our children. While it's natural to think that they are smaller, you would assume that their problems are so much easier to fix. You could not be more wrong.

THE DOCTOR

Believe me when I say that it is important to find the right doctor for your child, especially if they are at that age where you still need to carry them around. The right doctor would be able to handle their sickness and their symptoms more effectively with minimal tears. This will spell good news for you because if you have ever taken your newborn son or daughter to their first checkup, you would know how scary the whole experience can be.

Hence, it is important that you find a doctor who knows what he is doing AND is patient enough to give you his time of the day to make sure your child gets the attention 
he or she wants. 

My favourite doctor is a Dr Khoo who owns a child specialist clinic near Desa Medical Centre in Taman Desa. He was the first doctor to check and treat my daughter, and after having gone through at least two other doctors, Eva has taken a special liking to him. 

Doesn't mean she holds back her tears every time he shoots her up with vaccines though.

But still, you can see the amount of attention he puts into his patients, most of them at that age where they can't communicate to you what is wrong with them, where it is hurting, how bad it is hurting etc. In this case, I personally think, the level of patience he practised when treating them is key to his success with kids. 

He is really fast with the injections too. Once, I thought he was still playing around with Eva when in fact, he has already finished the injection as proven by the special plaster applied to the wound of the needle on her left thigh. He was just trying to divert her attention away from the pain. And he does a really good job at it too.

I highly recommend you taking your child to the KB Child Specialist clinic for a checkup whenever they are sick or when they need their shots, not because I think he is not as expensive as some of the other pediatricians around Klang Valley but if you want your child to be treated with the respect and love that you yourself give to them, he is the doctor to go to.
  

THE HAIR DRESSER

Eva has a healthy lock of hair despite her tender age of 15 months. Compared to other kids her age, she is a happy child without bald spots, who has hair plastered over her cheeks all the way to her nose on a really hot and sweaty day, and has totally finished her first bottle of Johnson baby shampoo within 14 months.  

Apart from having the genes of both her parents and all of her grandparents to thank, she owes her overwhelming crown to a hairdresser whose name until now I do not know yet, (Note to self, ask for her name next time I get my haircut). I shall name her Goddess of hair in tribute of her good advice. 

Goddess of hair told me that newborns should have their heads shaved at regular intervals, all the way until they are 1 year old to ensure healthy locks of hair. Before you freak out, bear in mind that you don't really take your child anywhere for long, until they are capable of at least sitting upright on their own on a baby chair or if they can take anything other than milk as their daily source of nutrition. Hence, it seems a valid thing to do.

Which we did until she was around 8 months old. After that, she had pretty much every cm of her head covered with hair already, so we guessed that was enough. If you don't think that it is necessary for kids to shave their heads, be prepared to face bald patches, uneven growth of hair all over, or hair that takes twice as long to grow to the same length in toddlers. It is not a nice sight, seriously. 
 

THE NANNY

This doesn't really need much explanation, except for a few signs where the nanny is not worthy of taking care of your child. Do take note if your kid is:

• suffering from regular doses of bruises or wounds from falls or knocking into things - there are some nannies who just stay within the proximity with the child but their minds are far far away, as in, in Genting.
• who sleeps a lot at odd hours of the day (hence is very active during night time and stays up as long as Mr Owl does) - chances are there's drowsy medication involved.
• gets sick a lot - some nannies like to 'share' things and mix and match. Illness transfer much more easily through these 'sharing is caring' moments so do take note. 
• in the midst of more kids than one can humanly handle - it's not worth the cheaper charges they offer if you need to take your kid to the doctors a lot. 

Pay attention to who you leave your kids with. Get the nanny's preferences or their point of view when it comes to education, or how you should treat kids etc. This gives you an inside view as to whether or not the nanny shares your point of view when it comes to upbringing practices etc. Voice out if you feel that they are not doing something right and even more so if your child always cry whenever you pass them to the nanny at the door.

THE RIGHT EQUIPMENT

Here are some of the 'equipment', medication and alternatives  I used for Eva within the first year. All photos below are from Amazon.com unless stated otherwise.

Anti-colic feeding bottles are very important but they are not all foolproof. This means that your child may still suffer from the effects of colic which will make them uncomfortable after a feeding if you do not burp them immediately after or sometimes in between feedings.  Nonetheless I still recommend using the Phillips Avent bottles.

Anti colic feeding bottles - Phillips Avent bottles 

To ease the discomfort that may be caused by a bloated stomach (from the inability to digest some of the food stuff due to a weak or maturing digestive system), use Gripe water. The effectiveness is astounding.   

 

 To clear bloatness or stomach discomfort - Woodwards Gripe water 

Some babies do not need pacifiers while others cannot do anything, including sleep, without it. That doesn't mean that you should just get any pacifier from a store and plug it into your baby. Opt for orthodontic pacifiers that are structured to help your baby grow their teeth out properly but only if they can adapt to the structure. Remember that most of the time, your child is the one who chooses these items, regardless of how one alternative can be beneficial for them compared to others. 

If they can't adapt to the better alternative but still need pacifiers, look for those by Phillips Avent. They have a different design for below 6 month-old babies and 18 month-old babies. The size makes all the difference and before you know it, your child will be 'spitting' out the smaller pacifiers because they just don't fit no more. I replaced my daughter's 2 pacifiers only when she turned 1 even though I'm supposed to get her a new one every three months. Darn buggers are expensive but worth every penny in the RM14 price zone.

The original pair were still in working order; Eva just outgrew the size of the pacifiers. So far, she has six to her name already. I'm hoping she will outgrow them all soon.

 

  Pacifiers (free flow) - Phillips Avent BPA Free pacifiers 

Huggies has a range of diapers for newborns, small size, med size and large sizes. They also have the dry pants type, the dry type, the dry comfort type, ultra and newborn. Eva is loving the New and Improved 'Dry Comfort' one that is in red (but not as pictured below). Visit this link for the full range of diapers available by the brand.

 

  Diapers - Huggies Dry Comfort (Huggies.com.my) 

Baby wipes are darn important and you won't know how important they are until you find that your baby has pooped in an area where there are no baby facilities and the toilets are so darn dirty you won't even poop in there even if they paid you.

Wipes should be fragrance-free to prevent any form of allergies or rashes forming on their private areas. Rashes are a consistent source of discomfort to your baby and can actually be a sign of something more sinister lurking in the creases of your baby's bum bum. There are many baby creams that I can recommend to you to get rid of the rashes, or talcum powders and such, but the best way to clear rashes is to air their bum bums (think cotton/cloth napkins) or just prevent the rashes from the start. I suggest Pureen's baby wipes.

 Baby wipes (fragrance free) - Pureen (from pureen.com.sg)

Last and most importantly, baby formula! Now I know that Enfalac/Enfagrow seems to be the best milk around (according to the ads and heavy marketing tactics out there) but I swear by Anmum when it comes to weaning your kids off baby formula to normal foods. The few kids that I've seen and know grew up with Enfa milk have a hard time getting their appetites up for normal food like cereals, rice, noodles etc. Bread and junk food they can deal with but that's not a long term solution, is it?

Don't have to take my word for it, give it a shot. Anmum's only side effect I can see so far is that the baby sweats a lot, hence you may need to invest in air-conditioning for hot nights - which isn't exactly a stretch of your budget since Malaysia is so darn hot in the first place... might as well get that Panasonic Inverter AC installed straight away.

 

Milk formula - Anmum Essentials 1, 2 and 3 (alibaba.com)

And there you have it. It may or may not work with your baby as each baby is different but there will be a need for a lot of trial-and-error to get the best equipment and person for your baby's well-being. All the best and Good luck!

 

水果冰淇淋 (Fruity Pie)

I am never a favourite of the language they call Mandarin, particularly when it comes to recognizing the characters. To learn the language requires a LOT of rote learning; even at the very basics, you have to memorize the characters in order to read in the language.

When I watch Chinese dramas, it's usually in Cantonese, sometimes Mandarin, I attempted some Taiwan Hokkien dramas as well but all in all, I always fall heavily back on the subtitles to actually understand what the heck the actors are trying to convey.

After spending some time trying to introduce Playhouse Disney, Sesame Street and Barney series to my daughter, I found out the babysitter has been showing 水果冰淇淋 to my daughter when she is at the sitter's place. 

No wonder lahs aside, I came to eventually enjoy the 水果冰淇淋 from Taiwan's PTS franchise as they are made with the same formulas like Sesame street. The puppets were cute, they teach good values, they have a lot of awesome inserts in between the shows and so the variety was quite an interesting introductory series for kids. Here's a sample video you can find on youtube which was released by the username pts (the network's name is also PTS, coinkidink?)

Characters of 水果冰淇淋

The show is made up of five main characters: Fruity nai nai the nanny, Qi Qi and Ling Ling (a bro and a sis who is under the care of the nanny), Wang Lu and Sha La who always come over to play with the siblings. 

Each half hour show will showcase an issue that will leave the audience at the end of the show with a moral to learn, usually depicted by the nanny. In between there will be sub-segments: 'a story to tell', 'a song' introduced by the little (and I mean little) mermaid, 'a challenge' featuring real-life kid in a game-show obstacle race and in more recent seasons, a last short story introduced by a bear who lives in a cuckoo clock. 

Suggestion of reasons why kids like to watch this show:

>The puppets are so much fun! They are kids who say, act, feel and think like kids do, hence real kids in the audience can really connect with them. The characters throw tantrums, apologize unwillingly, drink juices and water when they are told to, and are sad whenever their friends do something they dislike... just like real kids.

>The songs and segments are catchy, the kind you can sway your head to. The melodies are fun and easy to remember as well.

>The nanny has a magnetic personality. For adults like me (who can see that it was actually a guy dressed as an old woman), the nanny comes across as a really reliable person, who cares for the kids and would do all she can to make them happy without spoiling them. She's a miracle worker, much like Mary Poppins, only she's the Taiwan kind. For kids, she is just so fun to watch: she acts out the closing scenes and actually sings it!

Why would adults like the show?

This show can make my daughter, little Eva sit on the couch quietly for a full half an hour. Yes, the show is a miracle worker. 

Give it a shot.

HOW I WISH

My babysitter is one to split everything, down to the handkerchiefs that she uses on the kids she takes care of. That means, she doesn't do it like I do: grab the first handkerchief that was previously used to rub the saliva off one kid to rub mucus off the other kid (okay, I fess I don't do that but it would be the perfect example if I did, but it would speak tonnes of how irresponsible a mother I am, which I hope, I am not). How I wish all mothers are like that.

How I wish mothers don't sit in one spot to eat, and feed her two kids and a niece her fried rice off the same spoon.

How I wish mothers don't say it's okay to share kiddie spoons because she doesn't have time to go get one for her own kid.

How I wish mothers do more than just call out "sweetie, that is jie jie's water bottle, don't drink from it" but still let them.

How I wish mothers would be more worried when their kids are sick and will do everything to make sure they get better soon, rather than leave a lingering cough unattended for 3 weeks.

How I wish mothers would stop hitting the floor or pillars everytime their kid falls or hits something out of their clumsiness then say "bad floor, bad pillar, why did you make her fall?" - yes, it makes no sense but people do.

How I wish mothers would stop highlighting every single thing their kids CAN do and try to work on fixing what the kids SHOULD NOT do like scream or cry loudly for attention.

How I wish...

HAVING HER SAY

Eva is now 14 and and three-quarter months' old. She can hold her own bottle, walk unaided, stand in a very stable manner, wave goodbye and understand that it means you are going away, and manage a few phrases like 'mam mam' for food, 'mm mm' for I need to do big biz (toilet style), 'bu yao' for I don't want (to), 'mei you' for don't have / don't want to, and my personal favourite 'Ah-pah!' for her dad. She refuses to acknowledge my position by name, preferring crying or screaming instead.

Just the other day, at 530 in the morning, she twitched in her sleep, then sat up and without opening her eyes said, 'Mummee, neneh!' translation: Mummy, I need food/milk! I immediately jumped into action and made her milk, which she just as quick finished before passing back the bottle to me, then flipped over to continue her beauty sleep.
I was left beaming with pride and a short bout of insomnia ensued until the next morning.

---

Today she showed me a new 'trick'. 

We went to a new Jusco which opened in the Sungai Long area. Having just received RM50 voucher from my workplace for 'good behaviour' [lol], I took Eva to the toy section to pick out a stuffed toy. She really did choose one of the toys based on her taste.
Mickey was more of a - hmm, it's okay although I wouldn't mind another type. Eeyore was a total no-no. She has enough Winnie the poohs at home, and piglet drew no response from her.

In the end, she opted for a weird-looking rat-slash-rabbit with dangerous-looking whiskers (told you it was weird), which I chose not to buy because... well, it looked weird what! 

On our way out of the store and back to the car park, she stopped by a DIY store where a row of odd-placed items sat near one of the display windows. There was a fortune cat on display - the type which has a solar-powered flipping arm that continues moving whether you like it or not. Eva stood near the window then waved back at the cat, then walked a few steps in front, slap herself onto the window display and kept pointing at the cat, to no one's attention in particular. She hardly noticed that I was there. After about two minutes, I grabbed her and left the place because ppl inside the store were looking and she kept turning back and pointing at the direction of the cat. 


It's going to be a long 18 years before she moves out on her own, but I'm looking forward to every minute of it!

THE FATHER'S SIDE

Times are changing. Let me count the ways:

1. More and more couples are becoming working couples. Each family or household need breadwinnerS.

2. Houses are getting more and more expensive. In-laws are bound to stay with you - there are pros and cons but don't shoot down the idea yet.


3. Women are losing the art of housekeeping, cooking, sewing, laundry-ing and child upbringing because they are trying to get in touch with the feminist side - in short, they are turning into men! (For the rest of us, it's usually just an excuse to not have to know all these things just because you are female. I blame my mother... who blames hers.)


4. LIfestyle requirements are getting more materialistic but tables are turning and people are going back to trying to figure out what 'family values' really mean. It's a trend that is becoming outdated as we speak.


5. Fathers are getting awesomer and awesomer.


Celebrating father's day.
It's common knowledge that Mother's day is the second Sunday of May but rarely do people know or remember that Father's day is the third Sunday of June. Actually, when they started celebrating Father's day back in the early 1900's during Sonora Smart Dodd's time (She was the person responsible for the popularization of the Father's day idea after she and her five siblings were brought up single-handedly by an awesome father after the death of his wife when Smart was 16), some actually laughed at the idea of celebrating their beer-bellied fathers during the weekends when they were actually home.


Time's a changing.


Eva's dad can make porridge for her, change her diaper, bathe and wash her bum bum when she poops, play with her, give her naps, make her milk, chocolate or water at the right temperature of her liking for her and still have time for his work, his wife and Facebook.


While I can still see many friends of his shunning the idea with helping out in parental duties' like checking the diaper when they smell something sour in the air, the winds of change is starting to take care of that. Nowadays, I see more fathers pushing the pram while their wives' shop in the departmental stores for the latest trend and baby fashion available, and there were times when I saw a father feeding the baby on the seats outside Jusco stores. 

Even when they can't - or prefer not to - help out with the chores, there are many things that they are doing for the sake of the family. 

Some give up smoking upon becoming a father, others frequent pubs and mamak stalls less to spend more time at home. Others are more sensitive to their wives, taking the time to actually sit down and play with their kids while the wife experiences the rare luxury of a proper bath that lasts longer than 5 seconds. 

No longer are fathers of today allowed to declare 'bringing the bacon home' the only thing fathers can do, and do best. A new game is at hand and if you want to celebrate your Father's day full-blown next year, get your head in the game and play your part. You will love it, I promise.


To fathers!
 

ORPHANCARE BABY HATCH

Last year, I saw and blogged about a news clip regarding newlyweds who got married and had to go to jail, read it here so you will understand why I am all for the OrphanCARE baby hatch that was just featured in the news a couple of days ago.

The picture of the baby boy who was the first to be placed in the baby hatch was simply beautiful. It was no surprise that in a day or two later, calls were coming in on wishes to adopt the newborn and give it a good home. Best piece of info so far was the fact that the parents were not sure if they want to let the baby get adopted yet. They asked for two weeks to think about it. I think that that is a good sign because at least for this baby, he knows that he is wanted by the people who brought him into this world.

There are many who express hatred and disgust of the centre because of the message they think it supposedly carry. From what I know, OrphanCARE is there to just provide new parents who didn't plan to be parents in the first place an alternate option for their newborn. And the fact that they need not be pushed to a corner and leave the newborn to die.

Reading some of the blogs out there who are of the opinion that the baby hatch is a horrible idea, they think that having a baby hatch would make people be careless about sex, thoughtless about premarital intercourse and think that well, someone's gonna take care of the baby anyways, that's my safety net to go get laid, get pregnant and endure childbirth, right? Well, news for you. They have been doing it before the baby hatch was around. No reason why they should stop just because the centre was set up, and even less of a reason to blame the baby hatch for trying to do what the parents couldn't.

Besides, this kind of logic reasoning can be likened with the idea that knives, pesticide and gas stoves should not be created because it would 'encourage' people to commit suicide. Why? Well, there were people who used those items/ways to kill themselves before, hence the logic fits.

I wouldn't say they are wrong. They must be educated people to be able to blog about it.

But where possible I would like to remind them, that the baby hatch is just about the only thing that is keeping these unwanted and unplanned babies alive. It beats being left in public toilets, or in a black garbage bag at the side of the road, which was the original ways they were 'handled' by clueless teenagers who did one mistake and is making the newborn pay for their mistake.

The law is no help in these cases and one night's 'mistake' will come out full blown 10 months later; there is no hiding. Society at large also frown upon babies being born out of wedlock, at least our society is still holding on to this 'noble' notion. With nowhere to turn to, these kids/young adults have only one option, to get rid of the only proof of their wrongdoing.


With the only baby hatch in Malaysia, at least these newbie parents have a choice of giving the babies a second chance in life; maybe these kids may even be better off with their adoptive parents who really really want to have kids but did not have the natural privilege to have their own. At least, these babies will have a fighting chance against the norms of society, who preferred that they disappear into the background in the name of moral standings and a unsoiled reputation.

KIDS THESE DAYS

It's possible that I am old-fashioned. Highly possible. But I'm finding it hard to understand teenagers or young adults who still act like they are teenagers. I did have to deal with a full adult, close to a cycle older than me (that means 12 years to you non-chinese zodiac speaking peeps) who acted like a teenager too. It's a luxury for them/her basically, not having to act like a professional when they/she should. I just had stricter upbringing, and I had to grow up a lot sooner than most kids. Not sure if it is a boon or a bane yet. Plenty of time to figure that out.

But what really really gets me is that they:
1. do not want to care
2. do not think you should care either because they think negatively of it eg you are speculating which is bad, you are gossiping which is bad, you are trespassing which is bad, you are asking too personal questions which is bad.
3. they do whatever they like, not what they are required to do
4. they reject anything that has the slightest reference to responsibility
5. think life is about them, not the other 6 billion people out there. To think about others takes a lot of them, and they can't handle it. therefore, they don't.

I'm worried about the future of society.

I'm not writing out of frustration, although a bulk of it may sound like it. It's not even disappointment... or disbelief. It's more of a... reflection of what is going on with today's youths.

Things may turn out fine. We may one day delete the use and necessity of marriages and of living together; everyone gets to live on their own or with people they cannot procreate with; news will be about new branded items that have come out and which gives you a chance to stick your credit card through the machine again because last month's transactions didn't screw the credit card enough; and everyone will be out doing charity because that's the way they show the world they care.. what they care about is a full other issue.

Sigh. I don't know. I'm stuck between generations. I have people older than me who says I am too young to be tied down as a mom, and I have friends who are younger than me who look up to me like they do their aunts (or older). To some I'm supposed to have all the answers, but the answers should fit the ones they already have in their head... or they tell me that I am not always right (= you are wrong and I know it cause I say so - welcome to teen logic), while to others I'm suppose to spoonfeed them, tell them how to walk, talk, drink, eat, sleep, be a mom etcetera etcetera etcetera.

Maybe I should stop caring. It would do good to the little soul I have left in me.

NEW NAME, NEW DIRECTION

Right, like 90% of bloggers out there, my blogging was to satisfy either 1. a need to be unapologetically narcissistic and 2. a need to write without caring if anyone reads it - if someone did, it's a bonus. Things get out of control after a month or two when you just about cover everything and anything without a plain and direct purpose.

Today, I take back the reins and decide that everything written here henceforth will be half-bake journals of a working mom. Now that sounds like a good blog name. *resisting the urge to write lol here*...

It's a resolution that I made, almost exactly halfway through the year. Well, at least I made one that I did not break!

Happy new half a year, people!

THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT HAVING A KID... BECAUSE NOBODY TOLD ME

1. You need extra help.

I am unabashed when it comes to telling people how much we put into the relationship and for the baby when my husband and I got Eva. Considering the fact that most couples in KL out there have help in in-laws and maids, we had only a babysitter who fortunately treats Eva like her own brood. Plus the fact that my husband and I are working full time jobs, it's a miracle how we cope. But we did. And I tell you, it is not easy. Doable, but it would be so much easier and less taxing on your relationship if you did get extra help.

2. You will lose sleep and get used to it.

In the first month after I delivered Eva, I was told to totally rest myself during the confinement period. In total, I only spent 24 days in confinement and most of the rules were relaxed with various alternatives put into play. It was around the third week into my confinement when I helped out with the late night feedings and it was then that I realised how tiring it can be for a full grown healthy adult to wake up every 2 hours to feed a baby who cries nonstop until she is fed. 

This will continue well until your baby is one year old. That means 12 months, that means at least 365 days of torture, 2 months during your confinement, 11 months when you are working. It takes a toll around the third month, but the amazing thing is your body learns to cope. And by the end of six months, even when she doesn't cry in the middle of the night, you will wake up on the dot at 4.30am, just because you are used to it.

3. You have three months (90 days) to fix up your body.

I learned this the hard way. Despite the fact that I had surgery to get Eva out of me, the effects of the surgery was the least of my worries. You feel like a hero, a giant after your baby safely leaves your womb with all ten fingers and ten toes intact, but the fact is he or she got those digits and the rest of his or her body from your body. Yes, every flesh, blood cell, bone and hair in that 6 to 11 lbs baby of yours came from your body, and once it has left your body, you have to start replenishing your body with nutrients, vitamins and more nutrients. The body is in full repair mode in the first 90 days and so it is best that you take calcium pills, more iron and plenty of fat-free healthy food. 

What if I don't? Well, then you would be like me. I tire easily, I have a consistent problem with my right knee (it hurts when I take the stairs or bend). My scar still hurts sometimes although it is gradually stopping to hurt as much as it used to. I had problems with hemorrhoids which is common in the first few months but not when your kid is already 10 months old or more. 

To deal with all those problems, I had to take supplement pills; I'm on calcium and zinc every single day, occasionally I take vitamin C pills as a diet supplement, and I take this bulking agent that tastes like white coffee which helps with my digestive tract. IF I did this in the first three months after delivering Eva, I wouldn't have to take them longer than 90 days.

But I'm coping better after I realised that I am not a super hero and I started taking better care of myself. And believe me, apart from cartoon characters, there are no such thing as superwomen.

4. Your patience will be tried, tried and tried again.

There are times when you will say one of the following or a similar variant:

'I seriously need a break' 

'Can this wait?' Seriously? Can it?'

'For Pete's sake, you gotta be kidding me'

'What do you want from me? What do you want from me?' (adam lambert style)

'I don't really care no more'

... sometimes in that order, though some will cut queue and come in earlier.

What I would suggest when this happens is to 

(A) give yourself some 'me' time; it will help and you can restructure your life, week by week.

(B) have cut off points for each section of your life: work, family, relationship, friends, me time. This means that when you are home, you focus on your family. You do not bring work home. You allocate time for movies, dinner and lovey dovey love time to work on you relationship. You keep in contact with friends and relatives wherever possible. Introduce your child to them slowly and work on that bond that will last many years into the future, for the good of your child. And when possible, update your blog... especially when it makes you feel super duper good when you do.

(C) know when to slow down or when to get away. Speaks for itself, don't it?

(D) reward yourself when you get through a certain tough stage: a tough project at work, a tough time in the family (fights, a funeral, freedom of speech that went in the wrong direction), do something to give yourself a confidence boost or as a pat on your own back (yes it is possible although not physically)

(E) enjoy every minute of it. Kids get in trouble all the time, no point getting angry about it every time something gets spilt or strewn all over the floor, no point screaming your head out every time your kid does something nasty to a favourite bag or dress or shoes, and no point worrying every time your kid falls or tumble or gets a cut (even though you can't help it, understandably), always look for the best in everything. Laugh instead of cry, choose to enjoy it and experience it to the fullest rather than worry about why your life is not perfect. 

Cause it ain't, and it won't happen any time soon. So, stop trying to act like it should be perfect.

5. You will start pinching pennies.

Diapers, clothes that will be outgrown in two months, socks, shoes that are for decor purposes, milk (half of which would be wasted because you don't understand which cry means he or she is hungry), equipment (bottles for each stage of their life), cleaning equipment (wet tissue, bottle brush, sterilising pills, thermos flasks etc), travelling packs, safety items (pins, carseat for kids, baby monitors, baby cots, special pillows) etcetera, etcetera, etcetera... u said it, boss. And they are super duper not cheap. 

6. You appreciate life more.

I now fully understand the miracle of a pregnancy. Not just childbirth which is downright scary and icky and.... nevermind. But something that developed from the size of the head of a needle/pin to a fully formed baby that is 3 kgs heavy... Come to think of it, I don't think I 'understand' it; more precisely, I 'appreciate' it. It's not easy to get pregnant, and it is not easy for the parents to come to terms with the changes they have to make to cope with the new addition to the family. However, 6 billion people and their families have cope, are coping or will be coping with that. Some do it better than others, and it would be great for you to seek inspiration from the few families who did it with flying colours.

You have officially been told.