My windfall
A superstitious belief?
In my last company, I had several good friends, one of whom is the legendary Kak Ina. She is a very experienced editor who has several books and a dictionary on her name. Her outlook in life is very refreshing and she was the one who told me about this Malay belief of having many children.
According to her, God will provide the means for the parents to provide for the children they have. Hence, many pregnant ladies and their husbands will experience windfalls or opportunities in the form of promotions, business ventures… even winning lottery tickets (for non-Muslims) an opinion echoed by the husband of my sister in law, an avid lottery ticket buyer.
Monetary gains
When my sister in law was pregnant with her firstborn, he hit the jackpot (excuse the pun) with a lottery ticket. The money he won, he invested in an insurance policy/mutual fund for his son, a new sofa set, and in clearing some credit card debts incurred during the impending arrival of his son. My sister in law is currently pregnant with their second child.
You can be sure he never miss any of the three draws every week.
Before:
My windfall came in the form of an understanding husband.
No, he wasn’t always an understanding husband. He is too dedicated to his work, which is something I resent but had to unwillingly surrender to since one, he is not loaded and two, I am not loaded.
He would work until late nights, over the weekends, have random calls coming in from his bosses, colleagues or from his clients, when we were having breakfast, supper, lunch, dinner, high tea, 24/7/365. He made Technical Manager in a year but his job scope was no different than a normal Software Engineer. The promotion came before I got pregnant, about the same time the fights began.
Honey, there's something you need to know
His response to my being pregnant news was shockingly funny (if there is such a reaction in this world). There was shock and he did look funny; with the confusion smeared across his face as if he couldn’t understand how this could happen even though we had been married for more than a year.
Bad times ahead
Anyways, back to the point of my story. It wasn’t until news of the recession hit the world and South East Asia… and the fact that his company wasn’t doing so well that I felt the start of the transformation that was to envelope him and our relationship in the ensuing few months. The transformation was completed a few weeks before Chinese New Year.
A promise
He told me he would be quitting his job and would settle down as a freelancer to spend more time with me during my pregnancy. He would play a more active role as a husband and a father and will be more hands-on, although he made me promise I will not make him change the diapers after the baby poo-poo.
This is a huge change, one that I greatly appreciated because before this he couldn’t (and didn’t have the time to) understand the problems pregnant women face during the beginning of a pregnancy. He couldn’t be bothered to understand how dependent I became of him, how important it was that he was with me whenever I went to the clinic for a check-up on the baby, how easily tired I can become even when I just woke up, how emotionally unstable I was (from merely 3 days a month to a full 90-day trimester PMS mode) and the nausea episodes that I had every single day for the first 4 months. I became a hassle, and he was not shy about informing me about that.
Transformation from a son to a father
The first moment I felt a change in him was when he told me how much he appreciated and for the first time understood the pressure of responsibility that his dad must have felt when he first became a father. To which I replied “Your mother played a small role too you know? I mean 9 months of torture is no big deal but I think she deserves a little recognition for her part.”
The second was when he told me how sad he would feel if his grownup son or daughter was reluctant in returning home. This was after my sister in law encountered a fortune teller who foretold that her son is one who will be away from home a lot, probably working as a pilot or someone who travels much. My husband placed the same scenario into his own life and felt that the outcome would break his heart. This, coming from a person who rarely goes home even when he was studying in college, a point which I conveniently reminded him.
“It’s different now.” It’s as if he grew up overnight.
I'm becoming a father
Nowadays, even though he is working from home, he wakes up earlier than I do to make breakfast for me. He sometimes cook dinner for two (three, if you count Eva). In the middle of nights, he wakes up every time I need to go to the toilet just to make sure I don’t slip in the dark, and whenever I get leg cramps to help me straighten my affected leg.
He waits for me every step of the way in my daily 3 floors of steps, up, and down the flat we stay in, and physically makes preparations for the baby: the cot, the containers for the clothing and baby items while I supervise.
Work-wise, he has been looking up business ventures, seminars on start-ups, online opportunities, freelance projects and even attending plenty of interviews (and turning down several that may cause him to revert to how he was before). I know the pressure he is experiencing, despite the tough outlook he puts on his ‘mask’ every day.
I offer him support, encouragement, motivation, pull-me-back-down-to-earths; he gives me promises of a better future for our daughter. Because that is how a marriage should be.
We talk more nowadays.
We plan things together.
I can honestly say we are going through the pregnancy together.
And something tells me that apart from being my windfall, he is going to be a great father.
Mar 31, 2009
Want to get a high salary?
This came to mind while I was working today. There are only ever so few reasons why one would be given a high salary. The reasons can be summarized as the following. Also, I'm attaching the downfall of each reason, just to make it realistic.
People are paid more if... but then... :
(a) they can toil in the soil more: labourers, people who produce things, cooks, tailors, taxi drivers... one day you don't work, you don't get paid.
(b) they know more: professionals like lawyers, doctors, surgeons, architects, engineers, lecturers, researchers, pharmacists... if you mess up once, you're ruined for life.
(c) they have more experience: this is gradual but the people who fall into this category include professors, managers, CEOs, si fu's... you have to be pretty old first before the high salary comes
(d) they are willing to sacrifice more: sacrificing time with the family, doing Overtime, staying back during the weekends, staying overseas for long periods of time, away from girlfriends, husbands, children, parents... you're not at loss if you are a loner... or an assassin. I assume assassins are highly paid cause they have to wear black ALL the time.
(e) they are entertainers: singers, actors, superstars... they get hogged by the paparazzi and can't even pick their nose in public without the picture coming out on the covers the next day.
So if you don't fall into any of the above categories... and you are still highly paid, and you have an opening where you work, or you need an assistant who gets to live on company expenses, drop me a line. I kid. If you don't fall into any of the above categories, do not fret, do not worry, be glad that you are one of 99.9999% of the Earth's population.
People are paid more if... but then... :
(a) they can toil in the soil more: labourers, people who produce things, cooks, tailors, taxi drivers... one day you don't work, you don't get paid.
(b) they know more: professionals like lawyers, doctors, surgeons, architects, engineers, lecturers, researchers, pharmacists... if you mess up once, you're ruined for life.
(c) they have more experience: this is gradual but the people who fall into this category include professors, managers, CEOs, si fu's... you have to be pretty old first before the high salary comes
(d) they are willing to sacrifice more: sacrificing time with the family, doing Overtime, staying back during the weekends, staying overseas for long periods of time, away from girlfriends, husbands, children, parents... you're not at loss if you are a loner... or an assassin. I assume assassins are highly paid cause they have to wear black ALL the time.
(e) they are entertainers: singers, actors, superstars... they get hogged by the paparazzi and can't even pick their nose in public without the picture coming out on the covers the next day.
So if you don't fall into any of the above categories... and you are still highly paid, and you have an opening where you work, or you need an assistant who gets to live on company expenses, drop me a line. I kid. If you don't fall into any of the above categories, do not fret, do not worry, be glad that you are one of 99.9999% of the Earth's population.
Mar 30, 2009
Never too young
Do you know that it is never too young to start your children on... just about anything?
I attended a talk by a child psychologist about more than a year ago. His targeted audience was kindegarten teachers and principals, and his main talk was about starting kids early on their education. Education here does not mean reading and writing. It means communicating with them.
Note: I think this is a big deal because I can still find people my age who are unable to communicate properly with other humans. So...
Anyways, he said several things that really got stuck in my head until now. I'm sharing them here, so I won't forget it after I get my epidural shot:
1 Children between the age of 3 to 6 has the highest learning curve.
That means they absorb everything like a "spongie-bob square pants" sponge. So expose them to every language and dialect you know. They will sort everything out eventually. The point is to start them young. Like when they are 6 months old. Ya, seriously.
2 Teach your children when they are still teachable.
This is a bit tricker to explain but here goes: Beat the crap out of them and teach them the correct moral values when they are still listening to you. Not when they are sixteen, ready to leave the house and be superstars and answering you in the deathliest tone they can muster while eating the food you cook and living under the roof you give them. It is easier to 'mould' them at 7 than when they are 17.
Don't spare the rod when they are 70 cm tall and then threaten to disown them when they are 180 cm tall. Get it?
3 Children are capable of digesting whatever it is that you throw at them. But remember that whatever their outcome is, it is your own doing.
And if you don't teach them, they will not be able to learn. So teach them the things you want them to learn. But always... teach!!
4 Despite what they try to tell you, there IS an in-between zone.
The older generation has two very annoying sayings:
(a) He's too young lar. (Canto: kueh zhong sai lar / Mandarin: ta hai xiao / Hokkien: yi ko seh han ko-h...
(b) He's old enough. (Canto: tai ko zai lor. / Mandarin: ta zhang da liao / Hokkien: yi eh hiao eh lar...
The first situation lasts from newborn until 12 years old (for the youngest in the family, it is 'forever-ver-ver-ver').
The second situation lasts from 13 until they die.
So the older generation do not really teach their kids what to do in certain situations, leaving the kids to fend for themselves. So for every situation the parents face with their kids: their answers are either, "he's too young to understand lar" or "he's old enough to figure it out on his own", rendering their parental skills useless, and they themselves irrelevant.
I'm not saying this is not good, most of us turn out pretty alright, right? Ya, until you read the report about kids having sex before they enter secondary school. O_o Don'd deny it. I know you know about the youngest father in the world, at 13 years old. Or was it 12?
Anyways, enough digressing. If you do not want to teach your kids the right things or the right values, better don't have them, ok? On that subject, if you can't keep the kids alive, all the more reason to STOP HAVING THEM!
-----
From TheStarOnline, March 27:
All I can say is, they have to get that 3 year old daughter away from those 'parents'. Oh, and at this point, the parents have refused a post mortem on the baby and police will not be charging them for criminal intent (since it was not their intent to let the baby die during their drinking spree wah).
Hello? Criminal negligence?
Signing off: Left wondering why do people have kids they do not care about?
I attended a talk by a child psychologist about more than a year ago. His targeted audience was kindegarten teachers and principals, and his main talk was about starting kids early on their education. Education here does not mean reading and writing. It means communicating with them.
Note: I think this is a big deal because I can still find people my age who are unable to communicate properly with other humans. So...
Anyways, he said several things that really got stuck in my head until now. I'm sharing them here, so I won't forget it after I get my epidural shot:
1 Children between the age of 3 to 6 has the highest learning curve.
That means they absorb everything like a "spongie-bob square pants" sponge. So expose them to every language and dialect you know. They will sort everything out eventually. The point is to start them young. Like when they are 6 months old. Ya, seriously.
2 Teach your children when they are still teachable.
This is a bit tricker to explain but here goes: Beat the crap out of them and teach them the correct moral values when they are still listening to you. Not when they are sixteen, ready to leave the house and be superstars and answering you in the deathliest tone they can muster while eating the food you cook and living under the roof you give them. It is easier to 'mould' them at 7 than when they are 17.
Don't spare the rod when they are 70 cm tall and then threaten to disown them when they are 180 cm tall. Get it?
3 Children are capable of digesting whatever it is that you throw at them. But remember that whatever their outcome is, it is your own doing.
Ok, maybe I made this part up but in short, it is your responsibility of how your child turns out in the end. No, they are not born with all the knowledge locked inside their heads, just waiting to get out. You feed them, they eat, they learn, they grow. If you don't feed them, don't expect them to be able to tell the difference between a toilet roll and a doughnut.
And if you don't teach them, they will not be able to learn. So teach them the things you want them to learn. But always... teach!!
4 Despite what they try to tell you, there IS an in-between zone.
The older generation has two very annoying sayings:
(a) He's too young lar. (Canto: kueh zhong sai lar / Mandarin: ta hai xiao / Hokkien: yi ko seh han ko-h...
(b) He's old enough. (Canto: tai ko zai lor. / Mandarin: ta zhang da liao / Hokkien: yi eh hiao eh lar...
The first situation lasts from newborn until 12 years old (for the youngest in the family, it is 'forever-ver-ver-ver').
The second situation lasts from 13 until they die.
So the older generation do not really teach their kids what to do in certain situations, leaving the kids to fend for themselves. So for every situation the parents face with their kids: their answers are either, "he's too young to understand lar" or "he's old enough to figure it out on his own", rendering their parental skills useless, and they themselves irrelevant.
I'm not saying this is not good, most of us turn out pretty alright, right? Ya, until you read the report about kids having sex before they enter secondary school. O_o Don'd deny it. I know you know about the youngest father in the world, at 13 years old. Or was it 12?
Anyways, enough digressing. If you do not want to teach your kids the right things or the right values, better don't have them, ok? On that subject, if you can't keep the kids alive, all the more reason to STOP HAVING THEM!
-----
From TheStarOnline, March 27:
Baby dies, drunk parents forgot to feed him
By STEPHEN THEN
MIRI: A baby boy, less than a month old, starved to death after his parents allegedly forgot to feed him because they were too drunk.The baby died in the intensive-care unit of Miri Hospital yesterday morning and a police report has been lodged.
Police now want to question the parents, in their early 30s from a longhouse in southern Sarawak, who came to Miri to work and were renting a house at a low-cost housing scheme near the Sarawak-Brunei Highway, some 12km north of the city centre.
Relatives found the baby unconscious in the house and rushed him to the hospital at about 3am on Wednesday.
Miri deputy OCPD Supt Ismail Paduka Idris confirmed that the baby died in the morning.
“We are investigating claims that the parents had indulged in a prolonged drinking spree and had neglected the baby.
“Initial investigations show that the baby might have been so severely neglected that he suffered fatal consequences.
“We want to find out whether this was due to carelessness,” Supt Ismail said.
The couple also have a three-year-old daughter.
----All I can say is, they have to get that 3 year old daughter away from those 'parents'. Oh, and at this point, the parents have refused a post mortem on the baby and police will not be charging them for criminal intent (since it was not their intent to let the baby die during their drinking spree wah).
Hello? Criminal negligence?
Signing off: Left wondering why do people have kids they do not care about?
Mar 28, 2009
Earth Hour
It's officially over, Earth Hour 2009. I admit that I was not sure how pro-environment Malaysians are. I mean, switching of the lights for an hour for most people I know is too much trouble: "I have toddlers at home", "It's not compulsory, right?", "It's just a hype, a publicity stunt; people will revert to their energy-wasting ways after the Hour, so why bother?"I won't waste time here trying to prove the significance we can make globally by participating in the Earth Hour project. I'm just glad to say that I was part of it. And in the darkness that enveloped my home between 830 to 930 tonight, I watched from my bedroom window the show of support, of total darkness of my immediate neighbours, and I know... that our hearts are in the right place.
So, Earth, Here's to you!
The KL Skyline
The Petronas Twin Towers disappeared into the night.
The Petronas Twin Towers disappeared into the night.
KL is with Earth!
Pictures from Reuters via yahoo newsSigning out: Psyched despite it being midnight
Mar 27, 2009
Fan-ning
You know how it is that everyone is using Twitter (John Mayer) and Facebook (just about everyone else on the planet). I have neither and *cue Katy Perry* I'm.. still.. brea-thing...
Supplies!
Anyhoo, I'm always a fan of babies, kids, toddlers, upbringing, education and English (a big deal in Malaysian education and Malaysian politics - let's not go there). They take up half of my time and soon, Eva will be taking up the other half.
Supplies!
Anyhoo, I'm always a fan of babies, kids, toddlers, upbringing, education and English (a big deal in Malaysian education and Malaysian politics - let's not go there). They take up half of my time and soon, Eva will be taking up the other half.
This is Eva.
This photo was taken during the 6th or 7th month (memory failing me, and I'm only 26, whoopie-di-dup).
Little Eva is facing to the right. The whitish blob south-east of the circle is her nose. You can see the lips and chin below the nose. She has puffy cheeks, ya, ya, you're seeing it right, and according to a colleague of mine, apparently she has a lot of hair (O_o" I don't know how I could miss it, and I'm the mother, sigh).
If all goes well, she will be arriving as a Taurian in the year of the Ox. which scares me. because... the Chinese believe that bulls are signs of stubborness. Taurians are organized, hard-headed and firm (aka stubborn too) so my husband and I are in for a ride.
Signing out: Savouring the last 5 weeks of freedom.
This photo was taken during the 6th or 7th month (memory failing me, and I'm only 26, whoopie-di-dup).Little Eva is facing to the right. The whitish blob south-east of the circle is her nose. You can see the lips and chin below the nose. She has puffy cheeks, ya, ya, you're seeing it right, and according to a colleague of mine, apparently she has a lot of hair (O_o" I don't know how I could miss it, and I'm the mother, sigh).
If all goes well, she will be arriving as a Taurian in the year of the Ox. which scares me. because... the Chinese believe that bulls are signs of stubborness. Taurians are organized, hard-headed and firm (aka stubborn too) so my husband and I are in for a ride.
Signing out: Savouring the last 5 weeks of freedom.
New Beginning
This is a new beginning to a lot of things.
1. A blog - to waste my time with during confinement.
2. My baby girl who is coming in 5.5 weeks.
3. The start of a family with my husband of 1 year plus.
Hopefully I can come up with a fourth reason to keep this going. Ooh, I got one. Cause all my other sisters have blogs already. Now how do I link up with them.. hmm..
1. A blog - to waste my time with during confinement.
2. My baby girl who is coming in 5.5 weeks.
3. The start of a family with my husband of 1 year plus.
Hopefully I can come up with a fourth reason to keep this going. Ooh, I got one. Cause all my other sisters have blogs already. Now how do I link up with them.. hmm..
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