How to know if you're pregnant (additional symptoms)

This topic suddenly came to mind today (actually two days ago but I couldn't find time to finish this post, so ... play along). I can't remember what initiated the thought but it is something that interests many people (many of them young, some probably too young) and is interesting to write.

So, here goes.

The usual symptoms of pregnancy: nausea, unexplainable weight gain or weight loss, a change in appetite, an increased sense of smell, getting emotional very quickly, pain at the breasts. I get some of them, and a few other Internet-unlisted symptoms as well.

The usual suspects:
Nausea
I had nausea after I found out I was pregnant but not before. It lasted until the 4th month. My grandma, a lady of about 70 plus and mother of 6, said that pregnant women get nausea for either 4 weeks, 4 months or the whole pregnancy. So if by the 4th month your nausea has not alleviate... I feel so sorry for you. Take more assam or dried orange peel.

Change in appetite
This particular part for most women was not forced. For me, a person who dislike and at all costs avoid bread, and cannot naturally take milk without running to the toilet, I had to depend on bread and milk for the in-between meals (I had like 6 meals in a day, big, small, etc) and I'd just like to say that the amount of bread and milk I took during my pregnancy was more than the total amount of bread and milk I've had in my whole life. I've gone off bread. But milk, milk I'm keeping.

Canine-level smelling abilities.
Okay maybe I can't sniff out narcotics at the airport yet but yes, my sense of smell had strengthened during my pregnancy, which lead to me eating more or sometimes less of certain foods, depending on my level of acceptance of the smell of those foodstuff.

etcetera, other boring usual symptoms you can find on the Internet, etcetera...

...and then there was...

Wow, I didn't see that coming:
Fatigue
The most evident symptom is that I find it hard to get up in the mornings to get to work. Other words for it would be lethargy, exhaustion, fatigue. Big words but they all mean one thing, I am tired and unexplainably so. I can get 10 hours of sleep and still can't lift an eyelid the next morning. I didn't think much of it at the time but later on I found out that a colleague of mine found it hard to even go up and down a flight of steps at the office. I go up 3 flights every day to get to work and to go home and numerous more while at work but I didn't feel as tired as she did. So, this particular symptom is different for every individual.

The sweet smell of.. what?
Urine. Yes, my urine smelt sweet. It wasn't the nice honey kind of smell. It was the oh my god am I diabetic kind of, worrying type of, smell. I didn't take a sample and put it up close to my nose. I just smelt it after every time I'm in the toilet. It is that evident. I've not heard anyone else talked about this particular symptom, so it's kinda subtle. Or maybe I'm just paranoid.

Hard to lose weight
I also found that I've been gaining weight around the hip area before my pregnancy, and the weight is getting hard to come off. I would reduce my calorie intake but the weight does not come off as easily as it used to. It was as if my body was prepping me for pregnancy. This particular symptom is evident for all mothers after they gave birth so either I'm weird or I'm paranoid.

Abdominal pain
This, I found out later on, was due to me having a intestinal gas problem which was aggravated by my pregnancy. It was the nailing point of my suspicions of being pregnant, and it was the reason I got myself to clinic to get myself checked. I was worried it was going to be an ectopic pregnancy, something my husband didn't know and so grudgingly followed me to the clinic to get my woman problem checked. You can be sure we had different reactions to the results of the pregnancy test conducted by the clinic.

Forgetfulness
I don't know how, I don't know why... but I forget things during my pregnancy. Things that should not have been in the Just forget it list. Some of my colleagues share this symptom and attributed it to losing body mass to the baby growing inside the womb but I think just taking it easy due to the pregnancy was the main culprit.

But all this.. is just me.

The best way to know for sure if you are pregnant is to take a pregnancy test or go see a doctor. A pregnancy is a very important event in a person's life and I don't know about those who deliver the baby themselves then throw their newborn in a ditch or a dumpster or God knows where, but once you have held that 9-month creation of yours in your arms, you feel things inside of you that you never thought you'd feel.. and a lot of things that other people have told you before will start to make sense. Yes, it is a life changing experience partially in that sense. Apart from that, you have someone you can call your own. Just be prepared for the sleepless nights and the sacrifices you have to make. And if you aren't ready to take responsibilities as heavy as a child in your name, don't have unprotected sex.

Ohmigosh ohmigosh

Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol is here! Well, not exactly here, but it is up for Pre-Order! If you are Malaysian and you know what MPH stands for, click here to pre-order it at 30% off the original price. A hard cover at RM70.00.. and that's a bargain. Sigh.

Me, I gotta get down to crunching numbers to see if I can get it, subject for approval by the hubby. *blink blink*

Ohmigosh ohmigosh ohmigosh.. I'm so excited.

Dad's day

Father's Day coming up and the usual comparison of the contribution from fathers and mothers is sure to follow. For those of you who are still clueless, it's on the THIRD Sunday of June.

Don't ask me why they chose that day. The reason somehow isn't curious enough to send me to a Google Search frenzy... Ok, fine, I'm getting lazier by the day from the fatigue and constant interruption of a train of thought by my princess (soon to be Queen judging by her short fuse and level of IMpatience).

I'm sure they have a good reason for not having it on the second Sunday of June, parallel with Mother's Day. Come to think of it, maybe it's because the sacrifices and contributions coming from either parent is incomparable yet somehow equally significant in a child's life. And therefore even though the fathers are not the one carrying the child for 9 mths and suffering the consequences thereafter, they have their own ways of making a child's life special.

For one thing, the father is the bringer of bread. Nowadays, he's the bringer of fast food; a break from the usual mundane food mom always makes for the kids: porridge, milk, rice, soup... nutritious but... after awhile you need to get some MSG into the system.

Then, the father is the one who does all the carrying during short trips to shopping malls or the playground. The reason being that he is usually busy at work and therefore lacks the opportunity to spend quality time with the kids aka being a slave to them aka doing mom's weekday job during the weekends.

The father is also the appeal court. That means when mom says NO, there is a high probability that dad can still say YES, as long as you don't ask him in front of Mom and if are good with the puppy-dog eye thing that Bolt does.

I is so cute!

Fathers are suckers for daughters. I have one and my daughter has one. We are living proof that fathers can never say no to their daughters, unless it has to do with boyfriends, piercings and tattoos. It's worse when the daughter is the firstborn and you are the wife. Now I know how my mother feels.

And you know what? Fathers cry too. They can't show it to you or to anyone else but the hurt that the mother feels, it is felt 100% by the father as well. Sometimes the burden is worse because they have to be the pillar of strength for the wife to lean on. So, yeah.. dad's have it tough too.

So to everyone out there, if you are celebrating Father's Day, sit back and really think of why you are celebrating it. This, like Mother's Day, is an occasion that should not be commercialized no matter what the media says.

And if you are not celebrating Father's Day, maybe this year, you should.

Happy Father's Day!

The King and Queen of Music

There was a time when loving Celine Dion was cool. Now, it's cheesy... but I don't care. I still love her. Another artiste I love would be ... Elvis. Yes, Elvis Presley. I love his songs. I don't know all of them but I like the ones I do know, including the one called If I Can Dream.

Put one of the biggest selling female artiste in the world together with the King, the one of the biggest selling artiste of all time and you will get this. Oh, and did I say that it's a live performance? A duet of the weirdest kind?




Lovely isn't it? The first time I bumped into the video above, which has been watched more than 1.37 million times, I spent hours searching for the explanation of how those two could be placed on stage with the video playing at the background over and over and over and over again. What can I say? I'm a fan.

Back to the explanation: No, that is not an impersonator. And no, it is not live CGI either. The fact is... both Elvis and Celine were not on stage in front of the AI audience when the performance was broadcast. In fact, Celine was not in the house (couldn't resist) the night the performance was shown on the American Idol stage, or to be more precise, on the screen.

The audience you see in the video is actually pre-recorded, as was Celine and as was Elvis (a few decades earlier). The three components were painstakingly pieced together: Celine performed in front of a green screen, Elvis was 'cut' out of an original video he was in (you can find it on Youtube, his mannerisms in the original video were exactly like in the video above), brushed up and placed on an imaginary stage with Celine then the audience was added in, and voila! Jaw-dropping performance. Oh, I forgot to mention the fact that for the scenes that show the back of Elvis; that was a body double. Everything else was done through the magic of technology.

Don't you just love dreams coming true? ...If I can walk

Noticing newborns: Patience

Newborns can really test one's patience. You can really know a person when you see them try to deal with an uncomfortable newborn. The concept behind this is that a newborn is not the type who cries for no reason. They aren't capable of doing that yet at this point in their lives.

Many new parents forget that.

They don't look like this all the time.











or this.














or this.











Nope, the reality is a whole lot scarier. And.. fortunately I don't have photos to prove that at the moment.. yet.

The older generation will do one out of two things only whenever a baby cries: give the baby milk or carry them and then shake them as if they want to give the baby head trauma. I swear. Seriously. They either do it or they tell you to do it.

During my one month crash course, I've picked up a few thing more things to add to the above to-do list. Here are a couple of hints I've picked up about a baby crying.

Once a baby has pooped, she's hungry. Doesn't matter if you just fed her an hour ago. It's as if their stomach empties out once they have pooped. If she cries after you've cleaned her, then she's hungry. Same goes with peeing, only in larger quantities. Hey, it's just milk and water, how long do you think it stays in the baby's tummy?


Sometimes they cry and scream and can't tell you what is wrong with them. They act as if they cry because they want to, which is really never the case. There is always a problem and while you're figuring it out, you just have to stay calm, remember that they cry for a reason, and have patience.

And don't ever scream, shout or scold your newborn.

You will immediately regret it because it will only scare them, which makes them cry more, after which the only remedy is to carry them, close to your body (closer than usual) until they stop shaking/jerking/sobbing... which takes about half an hour to an hour. Plus, it's really heartbreaking to see that.

Babies are never easy but many people can handle their newborns well, no reason to think that you shouldn't be part of that crowd.

Susan Boyle singing Memory

Astro C.G.M. Singing Competition 2009 (Spoilers)

If you've not seen this, I suggest you do first or else the following will ruin it for you.

Last night was the ending of how I have been spending my Saturday nights. But we aren't here to talk about my boring life after having a kid (just kidding, there is not a second of my current life that I can call boring), we are here to talk about nuclear fission.

...

...

...

Eh?

Okay, this is about as far as I can keep you suspended enough to click this link first before allowing you to proceed.

Okay, second place wasn't bad but sometimes when you've tried so hard and gone so far, and no to mention lost so much weight, to fumble at the final stages is a terrible feeling. To fumble at the expense of someone else's mistake adds to the level of terribleness.

BUT let's not start pointing fingers.

Instead, let's hope that the curse of the American Idol show becomes true in this sense: that the one who always takes the crown doesn't necessarily need the title to actually succeed in showbiz.

He's halfway there. We're giving him a place for his fans to get in touch with him, ala Facebook. Now if only I know how to go about this ...

Astro C.G.M. Singing Competition 2009

A while back this happened.

Then, as things got rolling, we got this.

Last night was the finals, where this and an excellent this happened.

Then, all hell breaks loose.

And this happened.

Sigh.

I would suggest, provided you have broadband to go through all the links above, but if you don't, skip straight to the summary of the whole thing aka mindless rambles of a sleep-depreciated fan.

Watch Mr Siao's Mandarin Class online!

I wrote about a local sitcom entitled Mr Siao's Mandarin Class and then wrote about an update later on. To watch the show itself and determine for yourself if it is a good show, watch it online here.
Enjoy!

Domestic abuse and what was not done

Domestic abuse occurs everywhere in the world so long that there is someone to beat up and someone to do the beating. Even in the Chinese language, there is a proverb that goes something like "One is willing to take the beating, and the other is willing to do the beating." The proverb is loosely used to shrug off the general public's responsibility of breaking up an unhealthy relationship.

For example, you see the wife asking the husband for money to go the market with and he gives her a scolding on how fast she went through the money he gave her last time. Of course, the husband never goes to the market and has no inkling of how much chicken costs per kg now but ... ah, he's the breadwinner, and therefore he has the say. So if the woman is to endure the constant scolding, or perhaps the occasional beating, then who are you, their neighbour to break up such a 'lovely' relationship?

The first step towards getting out of a relationship that has domestic abuse fixed in its daily schedule is to ask for help. That, to many offering this advice, is the hardest part towards recovery. The second step is for the proper authorities to acknowledge that help. The third step is for the proper authorities to extend help to the victim so they can ensure he becomes a survivor.

Well, as the following news report may or may not prove, all three steps may be equally hard to achieve.

---

The Star Online > Opinion > Wednesday May 20, 2009

Mother of four on the run from abusive hubby

A MOTHER of four has moved homes more than 20 times in Kuala Lumpur to evade her abusive husband, Harian Metro reported.

The 50-something woman, known only as Saadiah, alleged that her husband ignored all the police reports filed by her following his abusive ways.

Saadiah said she had been living in fear of her husband who had chased her around the house with a knife after beating her up and accusing her of infidelity.

---

The following is a letter written by a reader in response to the news report above.

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The Star Online > Opinion > May 21 2009

Do more to protect women

WE have had several reports in the papers about domestic violence and an equal number of government initiatives to rectify this most appalling of crimes. And yet we continue to have shocking headlines such as this "Mother of four on the run from abusive hubby"(The Star, May 20). (...be thankful that it reached the headlines)

I would assume that Saadiah’s predicament has been happening over a number of months, if not years. She also claims that her violent husband had ignored all the police reports that she had filed about his abusive ways.

I fail to understand why the abuse was allowed to continue because she states that she has had to move house more than 20 times. What is the role of the police in this and what of our social services? (apparent breakdown of step two) Surely one is not to run to an NGO when the Welfare and Social Services Department is presumably the first port of call when one is in trouble? (can't reach step three if you skip step two)

The violent husband has behaved in a threatening way to Saadiah, brandishing a knife while chasing her and also beating her up. Her life had been placed in danger. She was at risk of injury and a crime was taking place.

Why was he not arrested and charged? Or would Saadiah have to come to harm first before something firm, concrete and final is done about him? (common in Malaysia, unless there is a murder, an attempted murder isn't good enough for them to get serious) Why was such paralysis shown by the law enforcement officers? What has the wife to do to enable the police to arrest him? At the cost of serious injury to her perhaps? Or her life, possibly?

Why was she not given advice that she could seek the court’s help and apply for a non-molestation order to protect her against future violence? Or is there no provision for this under our Family Law Act?

Surely, the laws must be there in place to protect vulnerable women like Saadiah. However, if there is insufficient provisions in the law, something must be done about this – and fast. I am aware of how the wheels of law grind ever slowly in our system. (ouch!)

But could the problem also be that of enforcement? I suspect that she has not been informed of her rights, of what she can or cannot do to protect herself and her children who are equally vulnerable. (which is why awareness campaigns and exercises are important)

In my experience, it is the government departments which do not disseminate information that could help the victim. Sometimes, the person on the ground is so ignorant of the help that is available. At other times, it is the attitude of the staff dispensing this information.

A person who is in desperate need of help should not be subject to further abuse from a civil servant. Maybe rigorous staff retraining is in order and can be one item to be put on Datuk Shahrizat’s urgent checklist of “to dos”.

The other common problem faced is that information such as critical phone numbers of relevant NGOs or even government agencies which have been detailed to help victims of domestic violence are not displayed prominently in police stations, community boards in the meeting halls, lobbies of mosques, temples and churches, and libraries.

In the same manner, leaflets displaying more detailed information such as services offered or helplines can be collated in leaflets and again prominently displayed for handing out to those who need it. As an additional measure, the information should be in the four major languages. (and perhaps, we need to ensure they can read it first. Must not take that for granted. Our education system doesn't exactly transcend all boundaries, ensuring everyone gets their 3Rs right.)

Let me reiterate. Please do not allow the system to further let vulnerable women like Saadiah down. If there are flaws in the system, please correct them. (aye, aye!) Musawah, Senada, Rumah Nur and the other countless conferences or initiatives mean nothing if they are not put into good practice to produce effective results.

MARIAM MOKHTAR,

Ipoh.

---

One, I can't begin to imagine the level of fear Saadiah (probably not her real name) has to go through every day. Her strength to continue surviving, moving 20 times, is a testament of the strength of women who won't take it sitting down, with or without outside help. This I tabik.

Two, it is so much easier to write a letter of complaint, expressing one's disappointment and amazement at how ineffective our authorities are, than to extend a helping hand to one who is actually experiencing domestic violence. Frankly, that letter is not going to help save Saadiah's life. You and I both know that.

Three, protocol is a knife that cuts both ways, ensuring that things can be done in a way that is really easy, or really really difficult. For the police to do something, victims of a crime must first lodge a report. No report lodge, then there is no crime. That is how the system works, whether we like it or not.

Four, if they catch the bastard, I hope that they will subject him to half the amount of fear he has put his wife through just to see how strong he is when he is not brandishing knives at the woman he swore to protect on the steps of matrimony.

Theory of relativity

Language being a barrier, it was surprising that my mother in law and I can actually sit down and have a conversation. No, I don't want to put antlers on my mother in law and send her out to the wilderness during hunting season. We don't talk much because I can't speak hakka and she isn't much fluent in mandarin. Both conditions occurring because of the lack of the need on both accounts. But we manage.

Again, the topic of whether or not one should whack kids came to play. I find it refreshing that my mother in law and I share the same ideology on this: spare not the rod but send not the child to the hospital.

I grew up in a household where whacking is normal. I turn out normal but later my parents said that they didn't do much whacking when we were growing up. But everything is relative. My mother says that in households with many kids, the kids themselves will automatically be good-natured thus whacking was not necessary. However, one piece of memory stuck to me until now.

I had a huge whacking once when I was in the single digit age group. The reason for the whacking: I said something to my grandmother that I wasn't supposed to say. It was, in current standards, relatively innocent, but back then it was a huge deal and Dad whacked me hard.

There were red marks on my thighs, or was it my arms. The length of the marks corresponded to the width of a leather belt. I don't remember crying, but I remember waking up while Dad was applying medicated oil on my 'wounds' and sniffing while he was at it. Such was the pain that parents feel when they had to whack their kids.

Now, while human rights are preventing kids from being whacked, parents are still feeling the slice of the knife across their hearts when they whack their kids. It's as if it is their own flesh and bone are in pain, literally. A colleague of mine wept in her own kitchen as her husband gave their only daughter a whacking for reasons unknown as she couldn't stand the pain of her daughter crying. I used to laugh at her for that. Now, I'm not sure I wouldn't do the same. Sigh... moms are so weak.

However, my mother in law tells me about a relative who whacks her kid so hard a neighbour went over to threaten to call the police if she continues with the whacking. The weapon chosen: rotan. According to my mil, the whacking stops when the husband is at home. With everyone else, the whacker is adamant on her authority to whack her kid as she sees fit and she is not quiet about that authority either. I guess everyone has their own opinions on how best to raise their kids.

Everything is relative.

3 weeks on...

Three weeks on and here is what I've picked up about managing a newborn. Word of caution: it's not as hard as it looks.

-What do I do when a newborn cries?-

When a baby cries, the first thing you should not do is panic. Then,

No. 1: Check to see if she has a wet napkin. If she is in diapers, check to see if she has pooped. Clean accordingly.

No. 2: Check the time to see if it is feeding time. Sometimes this doesn't work because babies feed on demand, so rather than a 3 oz feed once every 2 hrs, it's more like 1 oz in the first hr, 1.5 in the second then 2 hrs later he may want 3 oz. But every baby has a pattern; it's up to the mom to figure out what her baby's pattern is. Some milk powder may go to waste if you are bottle feeding.

No. 3: Check the soles of her feet to see if he is cold (if the soles are cold, he's probably cold), or check the back of her neck if he's sweating (which means you need to adjust his sleeping place because it's getting warm or maybe remove one blanket or two). Adjust accordingly.

No. 4: Wind/colic/burping issues. There are a few ways to manage this. You place her head on your shoulder for support, hold her bottom with one arm and pat her back gently until she burps.

Edit: I've also found another move that will help. After you pat her while she is upright and leaning against you or your shoulder, move her back to a position where she is lying down. You need not put her down, just ensure that she is in a sleeping position, for like 5 seconds. Then, move her back up the the burping position. The gas should come out almost immediately, and in great volumes.

If it is too far down and she is crying to the point of screaming then put some medicated oil (the kind which people used for rheumatism and joint pains) onto a palm, rub the palm together, then place the warmed up hand on her tummy. You may be able to see an immediate reaction or at least a reaction within a minute or two later if wind really is the problem. While you're at it, also place both warmed up hands on the feet of the baby. Massage if it doesn't bother the baby. It's a very comforting move.

No. 5: The surroundings are too loud for her. Is there another toddler screaming next door? Is your blundering-couch-potato-no-good-nephew watching the TV with the volume seriously too loud for him to not consider hearing aids in half a decade? Adjust accordingly.

No. 6: She wants someone to carry them or hold them close. There are a few reasons for this. One would be that they want to feel the security that a warm body provides them. Add a mother's scent and something to suckle on and she will be sleeping like a log in no time.

VVIN (Very very important note): Keep your fingernails short when managing a newborn.

Korean Drama: Six Children

On Astro AEC Channel 301, there is this one particular drama that is of interest to everyone in this house. It's a Korean drama entitled Six Children. I am finding it hard to find any media linked to this particular drama perhaps due to the inept translation of the korean title to English (many of the translated subtitles are bugging me already).

It is a Korean drama set in a small village, where an everyone is living in poverty and the most luxurious item a family can have is a black and white television set. The story circles around a family of 6 children and their tireless widowed mother who tries in solitude to provide for all 6 of her children.

The two eldest children are already working, and the youngest can barely walk on his own yet. Out of the six, two are girls, the rest boys, but all of them are very good-natured kids, which makes the series very heart-warming at times. Also very interesting is how the mom manages to cope with each kids' wants while trying to clear her debts, the rent, trying to find more ways to earn more income to provide for the family, etc, etc... a mother's work is never done.

A side story regards the sister in law of the mother, aunt to the children. A married man who is interested in making her his second wife but who still has family on the other side of Korea (there's like North and South, divided by the war or ideologies... long story) is reluctant to write a letter which declares his responsibility solely to her (sort of like divorce papers but which includes the kids as well) and no more to the previous family.

The story expands to the lives of all the children, how they pass their time, what they learn through everyday experiences and, although I've yet to see the effects, the impact everyone in the village experiences during war time.

What is interesting about the show is that everything is raw and looked so unscripted. When they slap someone they were really slapping that person, rather than moving their hands really quick across the other person's face then adding sound effects into the scene later on. Another thing that is raw are the tears involved in teary scenes. Brings you to tears as well. You don't really see that in modern day families no more. And I'm not sure if that's a good thing.

Edit: Thanks to Lil Tiger who left a link in the Comments of this post, you get to see the movie on Youtube. Would help if you can understand Chinese. I'm just saying..

Book review: An Expert in Murder

I read this during my confinement. The cover looks like this.

It helped put me to sleep at certain insomnia-ridden nights but the plot is there. It isn't Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, and like Agatha Christie, she didn't really play fair. Plus, she over analyzes the plot, like a woman always over analyze everything. So you can tell the writer is really a woman. But other than that, it's good to pass the time with.

But if you are inclined towards something 'faster', check out The Mom Song. It would help to have audio because you won't be able to 'feel' Mom just by reading the lyrics. You'll know what I mean soon enough. Click it!

Storytime: Mosquitoes

Dang mosquitoes gave Eva a kiss on the cheek last night. It's her first but I've yet to hear her complain. She has more to complain about the cold weather and rain; makes her hungry faster and her horrible cries are proof of that. Tonight, Eva's dad will be installing the mosquito net for her, although I'm sure the cold weather has taken care of that problem.

Speaking of mosquitoes, a story a cab driver told me comes to mind.

We were on our way to the airport to catch our flight back hometown for Chinese New Year. The cab driver was a very nice Malay guy, doting father of four; the eldest is a son who is already 22 and he himself has barely entered his 50s.

"I married young."

He asked when are we tying the knot. My husband replied him we are already married and that I was about 6 months pregnant.

"Really? Your tummy doesn't show much. First baby? Congratulations. Boy or girl? Oh, a girl. hehe.. Mr. You're very lucky. If your first child is a daughter, she will stick to to you like glue until she gets her first boyfriend. Why, she will be asking to hold your hand when crossing roads. Mama, dia tidak mau punya (she doesn't want the mother's hand)."

Eva is barely a month old and she is showing signs of preference towards her dad so I guess he was speaking the truth.

"Having a daughter is a godsend. You know why? Daughters are more filial, they listen to their parents more, they don't make them worry and they will take care of you when you're old. Not like sons."

At this point, I thought he was just trying to make me feel better because the cynical side of me find it hard to find Malaysians who approve of having daughters, in open conversations.

In reply, I just smile... weakly.

"I tell you ah. There is this ah sou...

(Ah Sou: Cantonese phrase meaning "wife of your big brother", used in a form of respect to both the big brother and the wife; was particularly useful in hongkong mafia movies to show the hierarchy in a gang; used in this sense by Mr Cab Driver to clearly show a picture of a Chinese lady who is older than him.)

... who is a widow and only has one son. You know ah, she.. would.. not... let... a mosquito... hurt her son. That's what she told me lar. Golden child ma, sons they are. Whatever he wanted, she gave him, no matter how difficult it is because he was her son. She let him study high high, then he went overseas to study, married a mat salleh (foreigner / Westerner) and now he says that he does not want to come back! Now as for me, being a man, you have to be responsible towards your family, the more so when it is your parents. At least send money back for the mother to use lar, but you know what? He sent her nothing! She has to depend on the goodwill of her neighbours for food. Remember, this is the mother who would not let a mosquito bite her son. See what this lead her to..."

Being the skeptic that I was and since the hormones have not triggered the sympathetic side of me at this point, I asked him how did he come to know this ah sou.

"I live near her. We live in the same neighbourhood. Sometimes I give her a free lift to places she needed to go since she doesn't have money to pay for public transport. She has no one to take care of her. What else are we to do as her neighbours?"

I told him that was very nice of him and he smiled quietly, which gave an indication that this was no cock and bull story.

I wanted to believe that it was a cock and bull story because I don't think that I could accept the fact that a child can be so cold towards his own parent. But one last thing the cab driver told me gave me a bit of hope for humanity.

"He will realise what he has done when he has his own child. Believe me. Life is a cycle and if you treat your own mother that way, do not be surprised when your own child treats you the same way."

Wise words indeed.

Let's play 20 things

Okay, she has done this and I could not resist doing my own list. So here goes.

= 20 things that change when you have a baby =

• You discover an inner strength you never realised you had.
Quite true especially when you're trying to deal with painful internal organs. Apart from that, I'm still in my confinement so strength is not something I have in abundance.

• You accept that the last 15 pregnancy pounds you can't seem to shift are absolutely worth it.
I hope it won't come to that.

• You don't need a clock any more - your baby now sets your daily schedule.
Yes, I sleep at odd hours during the day and wake up very easily at night. More precisely at 4 am every morning. That's when the Empress feeds and poops. Yes, she poops when there is no sunlight.

• You respect and love your own parents in a new way.
I thought it wasn't possible to love my parents more than when they did so much for my wedding but I really do have greater appreciation and respect for them after figuring out that they DID THIS FOUR TIMES (I have three sisters) whereas I'm only at Baby number 1 and already shocked beyond belief how much work a baby is. Ok, I kid. But babies are a lot of work.

• Any pain your baby suffers feels much worse than your own.
Ya, your body may be immune to tiredness, your boss' wrath, the pain from surgery or from bad chilli but once the little guy or girl cries, you feel like your heart is being slice with every cry your baby releases. They are quite good with the pity cry. It's the one that makes you go weak in the knees yet makes you run at lightining speed to get to them at the same time.

• You don't mind going to bed at 9pm on a Friday night.
Can I go at 8 pm?

• Your heart breaks much more easily.
Ya, mine breaks when she cries because she just pooped, when she can't poop, when she is hungry, when she is in the bath or when she cries for no good reason.

• You discover how much there is to say about one little baby tooth.
Heck, we got a lot to talk about the shape and colour of her poo.

• You look at your baby in the mirror instead of yourself.
Haven't reached this. Don't have time to look at a mirror.

• You're no longer disgusted by babies' bodily functions - in fact, you're fascinated by them (hooray, a poo!)
Seeing poo is a good thing. That means she is pooing normally and she is not in pain. It's when she doesn't poo that you worry.

• The sacrifices you thought you'd made to have a baby no longer seem that big a deal.
Yet to be seen.

• You respect your body ... finally.
Like I said, yet to be seen.

• You realise that a baby's comforter has magical powers!
I don't even understand what this sentence means. Where I live, the days are 32C and the nights are 26C. Whatchu want a comforter for?

• You give parents with a screaming baby an "I-know-the-feeling" look, instead of a "Can't-they-shut-him-up?" one.
I'm still on the latter one.

• You make time for one more baby hug and kiss, even if it means you'll be late.
I figure I'd just bring her to work every day =)

• You realise that it's possible to love a complete stranger.
She's not a stranger, she's family.

• You learn that taking a shower is a luxury, never mind a trip to the hairdresser's.
I'm in confinement. Taking a shower is the jackpot!

• You finally get to speak to the shy neighbour in your street, because you've got a baby in your arms.
They started talking to me more when they saw that my tummy is bigger than their heads.

• You find that things that once seemed important are now meaningless.
Truth be told, yeah.

• Every day is a surprise.
Yes, I'm surprised I sleep at 4 hr intervals and can still walk straight every day.

Noticing newborns

Just the other day I was thinking how much longer before I can sleep properly and indulge in chocolate ice cream once again, and now Eva is more than 2 weeks old. Time really flies, as my mother reminded me the other day: 18 years will speed by so quickly, you'll miss it if you blink. And I believe her.

When Eva came out she was so small and fragile despite being close to 3 kg. I haven't weighed myself ever since the delivery so I have no idea how much gained weight I've lost. But Eva is putting on the pounds, although slowly. Well, at least her face is growing. Her limbs are still so skinny. Her tummy alternating between bulging and flattened, depending on how much she poops in a day.

If you haven't realized, a newborn's arms can lift only to the top of its head. This means she can't touch her two hands together if she raises it above her head, whereas you and I can grab both our own elbows above our heads. Try it with a newborn. If you're like my husband, you'll have a blast out of it.

Speaking of which, you know how it is that babies have heads that are disproportionate to their bodies? When I was born, I used to have an 'alien' head that my grandmother tries endlessly to 'mould' back to human form every time she bathes me. My daughter shares the trait. Probably because I have my mother's pelvic bone structure. My mother in law, however, is not the moulding kind. And she doesn't let me touch my daughter's head much either.

The older generation has a fear of the newborn's soft spot called the fontanelle. It's the part above the forehead which sometimes sinks in (due to dehydration) and sometimes pulse (I've seen it but I don't know the explanation for it). I've read somewhere that if the fontanelle bulges out, it is a sign of meningitis. Anyways, it is the part of the baby's skull which has not fused together. This is because the human brain will continue to develop and mature outside of the womb. If the human brain were to fully develop inside the mother's womb, she won't be able to safely deliver the baby due to the size of the head.

The skull of a baby will slowly fuse together at points called sutures and while they're at it, the shape of the head can still change constantly. If your baby is a selective sleeper, meaning she only sleeps on one side of her head (either left or right or looking straight up) then that particular part will flatten out on the long run. You won't be able to see it because of the hair, but if you touch it you will feel the head structure plateau out at the spot where the baby sleeps on the most. So it's good to help your baby switch sleeping sides often.

In the meantime, I'll try to mould her head to a respectable shape, whenever I get the chance.

Khalil 方大同

I am a fan of David Tao's music. Okay, maybe I was a fan. He practically stopped singing now, but why complain when you can listen to Khalil 方大同 (Fang Da Tong)'s music?

Here's a taste of one of his Love Songs.

Here is how I stumbled into his singing; 黑白 (Black and White) is currently in the charts.

And this is from his latest CD, named Orange Moon.



It seems that he already has 4 albums, although I will not apologize for never having heard of him. Google his name and you will only find him mentioned in downloadable sites and forums. I know because I was trying to figure out why he has a Malay name instead of an English name as his artiste name. Particularly when he is not Malaysian.

Until now, I have yet to uncover why.

He really reminds me of David Tao's flavour, particularly Love Song because even if you don't understand the language, you will appreciate the melody of this song. Oh, and he not only sings his songs, he writes them. Another thing he writes, a blog! A quick glance and it's safe to say that he is one who is enjoying this particular phase in his life.

While you check him out, I'll keep looking for the reason behind Khalil. I have a colleague whose name is Khalil. He's bald, he wins the grand prizes of our office draw lots and he is a father of 2, or was it 3 already, children. I just thought it interesting to bring up. =D

EDIT: Singalong with Khalil. It's in English, so you can.

The newborn list

Apart from beliefs about confinement, there are also plenty of beliefs or superstitions regarding newborns. Here are some that might raise an eyebrow or two (partially because some of them, sometimes, do hold some water) :

1 You should never say anything to a newborn's face otherwise, she or he will do the opposite. e.g. "Wow, you really take a lot of milk don't you?" Next day, she will not be taking milk. "Wow, you listen to dad a lot don't you?" Next day, he listens to everyone but the dad.

2 You should not touch the soles of the baby's feet or else it will be reluctant to take its first steps, or it will start walking comparatively late.

3 You should not leave the baby's tummy exposed to the air or she will get gas in her tummy which will lead to constant crying due to discomfort. Hence, when you are done bathing the baby, you should ensure that the windows and doors to the room you dress the baby in is closed; switch off the fan and air conditioning while you're at it. Or so they say.

4 You should not let the baby drink cold to lukewarm milk; adds to the stomach 'wind' problem.

5 Babies should not be left crying too much, again due to the wind problem. Since the baby has to cry upon childbirth to ensure its lungs open up, it may have a problem getting rid of the wind during its first week. That would explain why some babies need to burp a lot or poop a lot in the first week.

New parents, do not be alarmed, all you need is some medicated oil. Get the kind that is useful for treating joint pains. Put two drops on your palm, rub them together until you feel a little heat between your two rubbing hands, then carefully place your palm on your baby's tummy (be careful of the umbilical cord) for a few seconds or until the baby has calmed down. You can do the same for the soles of the feet. The effect is almost immediate if the problem is gas.

This has been brought to you by sleepless nights, a sister with two kids she took care of by herself and too much time in my hands. Thank you.

Tan Sri P. Ramlee

As I remembered, my dad is a fan of P. Ramlee movies, particularly the ones with Salmah aka Saloma in them. They are still shown in black and white on national TV. Titles like Bujang Lapok, Anakku Sazali and Ibu Mertuaku are automatically labelled P. Ramlee's movies and as it is shown here, were award winning movies in the international arena. This could explain why most people prefer these black-and-white movies compared to their contemporary counterparts.

Malay movies by Yasmin Ahmad, however, now that is a different story. If you do not know who Yasmin Ahmad is, she is the director of very interesting movies like Mukhsin, Sepet and Gubra, and also the director of the commercial entitled "Tan Hong Ming in Love". See the video posted on Youtube here and you will understand why it is such a "commercial" success amongst Malaysians.

And here is a very nice song sung by one of the actresses in the movie, Adibah Noor - she may not look it but she has an angelic voice - as two main characters of the movie danced in the rain. Around the 1.38 minute, you will hear a lady looking at them and speaking in Malay; this is the translation:

Wife (seeing the girls dancing themselves wet in the rain):
What has gotten into them? They really know no shame.
Sigh... these Malays don't even act like Malays anymore.

Husband:
And what are you, such a busybody, getting your nose into other people's business?

Anyways, back to the original reason behind this posting, P. Ramlee is not only known for his acting prowess, he is also a very very very good singer. He isn't Frank Sinatra or Elvis but try listening to his songs and tell me that he is not a good singer. My daughter can sleep to this particularly lovely melody, Getaran Jiwa, loosely translated as Vibrations of the Soul.

Hit it, P.

They didn't have the Malaysia Boleh chant back then. Apparently, they prefer to just prove it, rather than chant it.

Web Comics

For the easily bored and cartoon-inclined, here are some webcomics that I would like to introduce to you.

Ctl-Alt-Del: Something like Two guys and a Girl (with a videogame store)
SMBC: Breakfast Cereals anyone?
Explosm's Cyanide and Happiness: Brings new life to the artform of matchstick men, add a dash of dark humour.
909sickle: Another matchstick men comic only with more humour.
And the motherload.

Mr Siao's Mandarin Class #2

I've watched the fourth episode of the 13-episode Malaysian sitcom, Mr Siao's Mandarin Class. And the show just keeps getting better and better. I've also found this write-up on The Star about the show. If you are too lazy to read it, here are some facts I found interesting:

• The Boss of the MLM company looked very familiar but I can't quite place his face, until I found out that he is Kee Thuan Chye, the editor of the Mind Our English Campaign for The Star newspaper; poet, journalist and actor. He is also the writer of the book March 8: The Day Malaysia Woke Up.
  

• Amir, the Malay guy in the show played by Baki Zainal is actually fluent in Mandarin. Which would explain how he could have said all those lines in the show. I think of all the 'students' in there, his and Shahrukhkhan's Mandarin are the most fluent in the lot. You'd think that it is easy to mess up lines but you have to be actually fluent in the language in order to deliver the 'error' in your pronunciation.
  
• There are a couple of beauty pageant contestants (winner, runner up) in the crew.
• There are spoilers in the write-up regarding the cleaning lady, additional actors that have not been introduced and the real identity behind certain characters. I gave you warning ah.
  
• There is a brief biography about Mr Siao, the teacher, as well as all the students in the class. So hope over to the link if you haven't seen it.
  

Pain Management

A brief conversation with an ex-coursemate let to this particular topic. When I got married, my colleague who has a beautiful 2 year old girl told me that women are capable of forgetting the pain of childbirth.

From the videos I've seen of actual childbirth (okay, maybe I've seen one... okay fine maybe it's just a still photo... okay FINE.. It was a picture from a pregnancy book... sheesh) I don't think that that sort of pain is easily forgettable.

Scientifically, the body releases a hormone which can help the mother 'forget' the pain of childbirth. It is probably a survival instinct - since you can't be taking care of your baby when you're in all that pain - that doubles as matter of convenience; how else do you explain siblings?

Being the skeptic that I am, it wasn't until my second day at the delivery centre that I experienced this phenomenon and became a believer. After a Caesarean section, you will be asked, within 6 hours from your operation, to stand up and walk around... slowly, of course... but you MUST walk in order to speed up the recuperation process.

When my husband was around in the morning, I had a hard time getting up and bearing the pain, even with the painkillers in my system. One scary thing that resulted from this was that my IV fluid tube was partially filled with blood, exerted from my body due to the stress I was in from trying to get up. Twice, and the second time was after I rested enough for all the blood to flow back into my system.

Later, my husband went home to pick up my breakfast and ... the nurse decided to push my baby into the room for me to breastfeed. Whoa... one soldier is missing and I'm practically down, sergeant. Whatchu want me to do? You want me to WHAT?! You gotta be kidding me...

But you know what? I swear, from the bottom of my heart, that the moment I saw my newborn, I was moving like a choo choo train all over the place. The pain was suddenly bearable, in fact I didn't even notice if I was in pain apart from the moment I had to lift myself from a sleeping position to a sitting position or off my bed (which were supposedly when the pain hits the hardest).

Then, I was seriously all over the place. The pain, I'm told, is not as bad as childbirth but if it works as a temporary relief whereby the presence or absence of your baby becomes the determining factor, I think that being able to forget the pain of childbirth is a plausible occurence.

Consensual Sex vs Rape

Okay, time for a topic that is of a serious note.

----

The Star Online > Thursday May 7, 2009

YOUTH OVERSLEEPS AFTER SEX WITH TEENAGER

KUANTAN: A teenaged couple, who had spent the night together having sex in the girl’s house, was caught after the boyfriend apparently dozed off.

The girl’s stepmother was shocked to find the naked man in bed with the sleeping girl when she came to wake her up for school on Tuesday morning.

State CID chief Asst Comm T. Narenasagaran said the stepmother, aged 46, went to the girl’s room on the second floor of the house at about 7.10am.

When she opened the door, she spotted the 18-year-old youth, who then got up to dress.

“The woman questioned the youth, who later admitted having sex with the girl as they were lovers.

“A police report was lodged and we have detained the youth,” he said, adding that initial investigations revealed that the youth had sneaked into the girl’s room the night before.

The case has been classified as rape.

In a separate case, a 13-year-old girl was raped by a man on the pavement in front of SK Mat Kilau here on Tuesday night.

ACP Narenasagaran said the victim had followed the man for a joyride around town after a quarrel with her mother.

He said the 21-year-old man then took the victim to the secluded spot at about 9pm, where he suddenly forced himself on her.

“The victim broke down upon reaching home and told her mother of the incident before lodging a report.

“We have identified the suspect and will pick him up for questioning soon,” he said.

----

For those who have no idea, sex with a minor of under 16 years of age carries the charge of statutory rape here in Malaysia. This means that regardless of your girlfriend or boyfriend consenting to the act of sex with you, if they are under the age of 16 then you will be charged with raping them.

The idea itself in my opinion is ridiculous. Why? Rape occurs when the woman does not oblige or consent to being involved in a sexual act with another person, usually a man. If she consents to it, then it is not considered rape. This is why it is particularly hard for a woman to be charged of raping a man. If he does not 'consent' physically, she won't have been able to rape him, would she?

Anyways, take the news article above as an example. The two lovebirds consented to the act of consensual rape, but now only the boy, who unfortunately is 18 years old, will be charged with this. And with a serious charge that will probably stick for life, raping a person, be it statutory or not. The girl is as guilty as the boy but she will get away with this scot free because apparently she can have sex but she isn't mature enough to 'understand' the consequences of sex at such an early age.

We should all probably grow up and smell the Kopi O. But I digress.

Imagine how complicated this will be if the boy were also below 16 years of age. Do the police charge them both of statutory rape?

Which leads us to the second part of the news article about the 13 year old being raped at the pavement outside a school, at night, by someone who offered her a joyride, that she took because she fought with her mom. I might be paranoid but most of us know better than to follow a man she cannot trust out into the night all by herself. Aren't there enough reported gang rape cases to scare some common sense into teenage girls and young women nowadays?

Sigh...

Day 10

Long long time ago, winter, in ancient China, women were put to work in the fields, and have to care for the kids at home. So, a smart lady came up with a bunch of rules to be carried out during the confinement periods after the delivery of a child. She also came up with a lot of weird rules that would limit the new mother from doing too much work but allowing them the comfort of wine (good for people living in cold climate) in their diets and the hassle of hair-washing.

These rules were carried out like the sausage story all the way to Malaysia through Chinese immigrants during the Tanah Melayu era. And so modern Chinese women in Malaysia follow suit with the rules of confinement that many people synonymize with torture.

Here are some rules of confinement in the Chinese way as practised by Malaysian women. Discrepancies may vary according to different mother in laws, moms or confinement ladies because there wasn't an Idiot's Guide to Confinement Rules printed yet. Also inserted are alternatives taken by modern women because after awhile, the rules really get to you.

1 You cannot bath for 12 days or 30 days.
OR You can bath with a special herbal water (ask your local traditional Chinese shop) as long as the water is super hot and you do not bath later than 4 in the afternoon (ensuring you step out of the bathroom into hot weather).
This is to prevent 'wind' from entering the body. Don't look at me, I got no idea what they are toking about either.

Alternative: Bathe with really hot water at the hottest time of the day. Separate the bathing time from your shampooing time because you cannot be exposed to air and water for too long at one time.

2 You cannot wash your hair for 21 days or 30 days.
OR You can comb through your hair with special concoctions of herbal water or ginger water.
Certain herbal concoctions allow you to shampoo your hair with regular shampoo and then washing your hair with the herbal water.

Alternative: Only wash your hair preferably after 15 days. After you do, wipe your hair dry (make sure there are no more water dripping form the tips of your hair) and then blow dry your hair completely. Take wine (suggestion: DOM or YouMeiShu) to ensure your body is still 'heaty' enough to prevent 'wind' from entering the body through open pores.
OR you can opt for dry shampoo. They are like talcum powder, only you put them on your hair instead of your body. It dries up the oily residue from your hair and scalp, and minimizes the odour. The packaging says that this works just as well for people who go camping. ... I just thought that it was interesting enough to share. Anyways....

3 You cannot drink anything cold.
OR You can only drink hot or warm water and Red Date Water.

Alternative: None. This is still okay unless you are not used to taking yellow rice wine whereby the alcohol intake will surely leave you quite thirsty. Then, opt for the hot water.

4 If you have gone through a C-sec, avoid ginger and fish for the first 7 days. Avoid chicken, santan, eggs, seafood for 14 days.
The ginger will give your body wind and will make the wound uneven, whereas fish will give your loccia (that is, the discharge that you will be experiencing after childbirth) a rather unpleasant, or some say, fishy smell. Santan, chicken, eggs and seafood are said to be 'poisonous' food which will delay recovery.

Alternative: I wouldn't ask you to ignore this because my surgeon told me this and there IS logic behind this, unlike the other rules of confinement in this list. Oh yeah, coffee is fine because it helps with the constriction of the uterus. But don't overdo it. The shrinking part is painful. Especially if it is the pelvic bone.

5 Do not use your eyes for more than 15 minutes at any particular task like watching tv or using the computer.
This is probably a ploy used to prevent women back then from sewing, stitching or doing other miniscule tasks that will hurt the backbone.
Alternative: Ignore. You will probably suffer from boredom if you don't do what is needed to pass time.

6 Other rules of confinement, summarized:

• Lie down a lot or you will feel back pain after the confinement period.
• Do not have the fan on or pointed in your direction (Many women worked around this by having the air conditioning on since nothing was said about the modern appliance. See how fragile this traditional system is?)
• Do not touch water, if you have to, make sure it is hot or extremely warm and it has been boiled before. Hot water from shower heaters don't count then (Again, women back then boil their water at the stove)
• Get a massage lady to massage the wind out of you. (This I don't oppose to, especially because if the lady is good, she will burp your wind from your body. As in, massage massage, burp urp... massage massage burp. But getting a massage is good enough)
  
• Do not carry heavy stuff (including the baby) or more recently, stuff that is heavier than your baby. So regardless of your baby being 6 lbs or 13 lbs, if the item is still not heavier than your baby, you can and may need to carry it.
• If you are bathing, do not bath when the sun goes down.
  

Alternative: Suptoyou what you want to do with the information above. I follow them as far as I can and when the final whistle blows, I'm done.

Friends of mine rarely follow through with the 30 day no bathing/hair washing rule. One friend lasted 10 days, my own sister 20 days and a colleague... 2 days. She washed her hair everyday afterwards. I havent heard of her getting migraines or long headaches, but she is wearing glasses to enable her to read small print. Might it be caused by her quick hair washing? There will not be any way of finding out scientifically, perhaps we should all sit down and have a sausage picnic and think about it.

I gotta go, apparenly my 15 minutes are up. Feeling imprisoned here, and I'm just entering Day 10.

Confinement laday~~

Seriously, GET a confinement lady. Because:

1 They will take good care of your child. They have more experience than you and are less likely to screw up and you can get firsthand demonstrations on how to handle a newborn or more specifically your next newborn.

2 It will take a toll on you or your husband or both. It here refers to the sporadic feeding times, the nappy changes, the irritating confinement rules, the fear-inducing cries of your baby and parenthood. Yes, IT is scary. With clowns or without.

3 Mothers or Mother in laws are not much help. They pamper the baby too much. Everytime she cries it is because she is hungry, hungry and hungry. And if you gave birth to that baby, you are the one who will be changing the nappy.

4 Money can be earned back. Resentment towards your partner and your baby is not worth saving RM3k. And if you can't fork out the money, why the heck are you pregnant in the first place? Plan ahead. Plus, it hurts really bad when you can't afford to give your child what she/he wants, needs or deserves.