BROTHERS ARGUE OVER INHERITANCE AT MUM'S GRAVE
THREE brothers did not only refuse to look after their ailing mother when she was alive, they even fought over her property at her grave, reported Harian Metro.
The sad case was related by the founder of a home for the aged, Muji Sulaiman, who expressed disgust at the actions of the brothers.
“They quarrelled over their mother’s assets when her grave was still fresh,” he said.
The brothers also demanded that Muji surrender their mother’s death certificate to enable them to withdraw her Amanah Saham Bumiputra savings although the woman had left instruction for her money to be bequeathed to the needy.
Muji said the woman, who suffered from diabetes and hypertension, was sent to the home by her children about two years ago.
None of the brothers visited her despite numerous calls from workers when her health deteriorated.
The brothers only came to their mother’s grave after she was buried, and then only to fight over her belongings.
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But what of those who have kids, and who can celebrate huge gatherings, reunions and kenduris together? What of those with sons who bring them on vacations, who walk patiently and slowly with them behind the busy crowd and hold their hands and lifted their elbows for fear that they misstep? What of the daughters who bring their children home every weekend to visit their grandparents, help their mothers cook and give massages to their fathers?
They are of the same flesh and bone as their violent counterparts, yes, those who hit the elderly, who leave them without protection, shelter or food and who argue at the fresh graves of their recently deceased parents with equally unemotional siblings over their rightfully owned inheritance.
If we are all the same, how can we treat those who brought this to this world so differently?
[Rambling mode kicks in.]
Right, the problem here is the upbringing, the environment and other external factors such as traumatic experiences, the peer group they mix in and the different values of the people they marry.
Say what?
All women go through labour and so they would go to the ends of the earth to protect, love and care for their young ones. No wait, some go through the relatively painless Caesarean section and forgo the all-hell-breaks-loose pain of childbirth.. so that isn't a main factor. While others just deliver the baby then throw them in a dumpster or leave them in religious buildings so someone else more 'responsible' will find the baby and care for it. And they themselvse are off, scot-free. So...
Hey, all parents love their children, even animals know to care for their young ones. No, wait, hamsters eat their young, usually forsaking the first generation so that they can produce stronger second-generation children that will survive in the wilderness or in the cage of a 12-year-old eager beaver. And not all parents love their children the right way: some abuse their children, some shower them with material gifts but none of the parental sort, some just leave them with sitters, grandparents or in homes because they can't take it.
Okay then, so... hey, what about the fact that parents are more educated now and thus will provide children with the best education possible which include being respectful to their elderly. But hey, don't doctors, lawyers and hot shot managers also throw their old and dying parents into homes? Why, yes, and why is that?
Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's because they are academically inclined but not taught the correct moral values or in their pursuit of academic and career excellence, they forgo family, bonds and relationships? Since family will always be there and in most careers, once an opportunity comes and you don't grab it, it may be lost forever, not going home for Chinese New Year suddenly becomes a necessity rather than a choice.
Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's the fact that more women are going to work and no one is around to take care, teach and train their children to be better individuals. Maybe it's because when women are getting better roles in the working world and losing their roles in homes, men are still not chipping in because going to the office is a whole lot more important (and bloody easier) than managing the kids at home, doing housework, managing the kids' schedule around their own work schedule, and during Sundays tending to the bbq and watching football are what they are entitled to after a 'busy' week at work.
Oh, I just don't know.
[Switching back to non-rambling mode.]
Ahem... society is made up all kinds of people. The old Chinese says that 'one type of rice feeds one hundred types of people'. This means that even though we eat the same food, we are not made from the same mould. Some of us prefer chocolate, others vanilla. Some of us are righteous, some cruel and conniving. Some like rainy days, while others have a lot of washing to put out to dry. And as we are with our preferences, we are also as fidget-minded when it comes to loving our family, especially when your spouse who grew up without either of your parents has a say about it.
"I love your mom too but she is becoming senile and I don't want her cursing around the children. I'm tired of picking up after her, cleaning her messes off the floor and having to look for my car keys under her bed everything I need to leave the house. Maybe a home is a better alternative for her. We can afford it and she will have friends there." Argument ensues.
Sometimes couples (or even siblings) argue over the smallest of things, like pinching the toothpaste tube on the middle or from the bottom, taking dinner with the tv or without, and chopsticks vs forks (it happens in my house) sagas. Sooner or later, this flows over to the parent zone. Whether it is staying in the same house with them, or going over to their house for gatherings, or caring for them after hip surgery, if either of the couple finds any of this a hassle, arguments will surely follow. If either of them thinks it is their responsibility as children to care of the elders, that they owe their position in life now to the past contributions of the elders, and that these things are nothing compared to the sacrifices of their parents or parents-in-law did... then perhaps there is hope for the coming generations.
It would be nice to see independent and working adults doing their best for their parents, returning the love and care that their parents showered them with when they were vulnerable and dependent once.
World peace. Can wait.
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Note: For what it's worth, newspapers only publish the odd and interesting, which usually makes up less than 5% of the normal and mundane real world.
So there is still hope.
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