Eva was sick with the stomach flu two weeks ago. The flu bout lasted a good ten days and I was really drained of energy from what I can still safely call 'taking care' of her, although I didn't really do much. Her dad did most of it, including washing her butt six times a day during her diarrhea marathon. Yes, it was that bad. And no, I am not posting photos to prove it.
Anyways, Eva had fever, diarrhea (we covered that), was vomiting left, right and centre - including once when she vomited all over me and I had no choice but to hold on to her until she finished - was not eating because she had a bloated stomach and was crying and sleeping a lot. The flu also knocked out her dad for a day, he shared most of the same symptoms but recovered after sleeping through it for a full day.
Strangely enough, I just had an awfully busy weekend, working on both days, had achy feet, was suffering from pimples, stressed, lack of sleep, too much coffee and more stress after the event on the weekend and yet... I was fine throughout the whole bout.
... until Eva started demanding extra pampering. And demanded she did.
Constant criers are just asking for it, I say.
I get it you know? That when babies are sick, they cry a lot.. a whole awful lot. But sometimes it was for no valid reason, they just want to get it out of their system, so when do I get it out of mine? I know it seems like a shallow thing to demand but even though I am a mother, I ain't a saint with an endless amount of patience.
I let her be usually until she fully recovers; that's when my fuse gets incredibly shorter and to be honest, I blew up several times before I thought of writing this post. But to be clear, it is not because I am advocating the spanking process, in fact, it's the total opposite. At least with Eva, spanking does not work. She prefers the soft-spoken approach.
I spank, you spank, she got spanked
Everybody's happy.
Until she starts throwing a tantrum because we took away her toothbrush (she's going through a teeth-brushing addiction now, most of the time she just bites on the bristles) and she screams on and on and on, her feet kicking ferociously all over the place, she turns and squirms, rolls and wails like a troll, and she does the whole worship routine: while in a seating position she lets her body fall forward until her hands, arms, face, chest and tummy is touching the floor and she continues crying in the safety of er... the floor. *ahem* yes, it is a bit weird but she did it quite consistently so we knew that it was deliberate. Plus, she won't stop until either we give her something she wants (like the packaging box of a medicine tube that she likes to bite, or a toy that is already drowning in her saliva or something as simple as a thing that she can use to make loud noises with) or one of us smacks her.
I smack her a lot. My heart pains everytime I do and the way she cries is like salt to the wound and she does it very very well. Ultimate guilt trap. So... I stopped.
And it got to a point where one night I was super tired and decided to turn in early. Eva's dad had night's shift so to speak and Eva threw one of her tantrums only to find her thigh on the smacking end of her dad's palms. It wasn't even as hard as I usually do it, although I go for the spot with the most cushioning as a safety measure. Anyways, she did the whole guilt trap crying bit again and her dad temper was pushed to the brim and his patience meter is totally dried out.
I got up, grabbed Eva who was still crying her heart out and told her softly that she has to stop crying now or Daddy may smack her again. Didn't get her to stop, until I plugged in her pacifier. We all got some sleep, close to five hours' worth... then she woke up and continued sreaming. Her dad was still upset with her fit and so continued sleeping while I tried every method possible to figure out what she wanted. In the end, it was a small drink of water and her pacifier plugged into her mouth again. However, I did notice that she kept waking up in short intervals to check if I was there.
The following day, she kept sitting close to me, won't let me leave her alone with her dad and she wasn't exactly speaking or responding to her dad the way she normally does. It's one of her main features; her grandma doesn't like it much, she calls it signs of spoilage... as in Eva has been spoiled by her parents, but I disagree. I think that since she looks up to her dad as her saviour everytime I smacked her, now that he has 'turned against her' she wanted him to know that he cannot do that to her without suffering some consequences.
So the spanking worked for a bit, she did prefer to listen to reason when she found out that both her dad and her mother (me) would not hesitate to smack her if she doesn't behave herself.
Moral of the story is, go with what you think is the best way about this. Do not confine your teaching methods to books or website or even an elder's advice. It's your kid, it's your own flesh and blood, you will figure something out, and chances are, that is the best way for you to teach your kid the rights and wrongs of everything they do.
Best of luck!
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