WHY BERSIH 2.0 IS IMPORTANT FOR MALAYSIA

I am not affiliated with any political party. I am only loyal to my family, my husband, my daughter and my parents, not necessarily in that order. 

Today, in my country, Malaysia, people took to the street in peaceful demonstration to ask for a reform of the electoral process in Malaysia, a democratic country. 

The government did all it could to stop people from attending the rally: conducted road blocks, rejected permits for the rally - making it illegal, put up road closures on the night before the rally, shut down light rail transit stations, issued warnings via mainstream media, news stations, the mainstream dailies, on radio, via advertisements to ask that nobody attend the rally. 

And what happened? This.

 Click for source.

Visit bersih.org or the facebook page for Bersih 2.0 for more photos, but while you're here, here is what the rally was all about.

Click for source

This has gone far enough. The powerful bully the weak. They pull strings and 'mismanage funds' and while many Malaysians are still oblivious of how they are being cheated out of their honest earnings by the corrupted, I am lending my support to the Bersih cause because of my daughter. We are still a long way from being a corrupt-free country, but today I learn of a quote that I will remember for the rest of my life.

If there must be trouble let it be in my day, that my child may have peace - Thomas Paine.

Peace. [Yeah, that would be nice.]

WHAT FRESH GRADUATES NEED TO KNOW ABOUT STARTING THEIR CAREER

So you've just graduated and want to know the winning strategies of getting that job. Read up on how to write a winning resume, how to score points during the interviews, what questions to expect, what answers to prepare and practise, practise, practise! 

If you want tips that could help you tip the scales when it comes to scoring that job (not just the interview), read on. 
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Here are some tips of what you should keep an eye out for and what you can do on your part to minimize negative impacts to a good start in your career.

From hero to zero
From the pinnacle of the academic world to the grassroots of the working world, the transition of a university graduate to 'fresh' graduate is a highly demoralizing rite of passage for any professional and would-be professionals. Everyone has to start from the bottom up and unless you are taking over the family business, chances are you have to jump through all the hoops and hurdles like everybody else. 

The good news is everyone starts from a level playing field. Sure, you may have a 3.0 CGPA and that is a far cry from the straight-A, 4-pointer candidate sitting two seats away from you in the interview waiting room but here's the thing: employers want a wholesome candidate, not just 'students' who can study well. 

What employers (really) want in a candidate:
Once you become a 'candidate', that means that the 'graduate' label has been taken out of the equation, which translates to this: everything else that you did not think mattered before, matters now. Here are some traits (in no particular order) employers want in you, that you may have already been brainwashed to think was not essential in securing that job offer:
(a) An eagerness to learn
(b) A proactive attitude
(c) The patience to listen
(d) Knowing next-to-nothing and not ashamed to say it
(e) Hardworking
(f) Has a passion for something other than the monetary gain
(g) Knows what the job requires - like the back of your hand
(h) Knows how to communicate effectively

The fact that these are things employers look for in you, but you have not been told in university to polish the hell out of is the main disconnect between the products of tertiary institutions, and the options for filling the vacancies in industries. Ironically, I'm referring to you here. 

Here is a breakdown of the traits listed above and examples to help carry the point home.
(a) An eagerness to learn
Employers do not want candidates to come in and teach them what to do. They also do not want candidates to come in and just sit there waiting for 'someone senior' to teach them what to do. What they want is someone who is eager to learn and who will go forth and learn. They want individuals who study the literature, theories, practical results, experiments, feedback and more; they connect with people who can help them with their questions; they read the manuals, the reports; and most importantly, they ask the right questions. 
In short, they are proactive.

(b) A proactive attitude
Many people do not understand proactive-ness, and strangely enough fresh graduates are extreme antonyms to the word 'proactive'. Being proactive means to go the extra mile to finish the job; to go beyond the call of duty; to give the person who asked you to do the initial job a compelling reason to come back to you and give you more jobs (that is how you get paid actually, so if 'more' work scares you, just quit and go herd goats somewhere. Everyone will be a lot happier). 

So when someone asks you to deliver a report on office punctuality, Monday afternoon by 12pm, don't just hand in the report on time, and wait to receive the next task. In the report, you should have given the full analysis, cite your references, anticipate and answer the next task in line that is influenced by the delivery of your report. You should be the master of that topic and the person who initially handed you the task should be asking you questions that only you can answer because you have done so much research on that topic you alone control the outflow of that universe of knowledge. 

However, as all office environments are different, there is a chance that the report is totally useless to the supervisor you gave it to you. Double however, it is usually something that has to be done and you should use it as a way to leave a good impression with your superiors. That's when they will be eager to reciprocate and talk to you, to deem you worth teaching and helping, or better yet, to teach like a jedi master would his apprentice. When that happens, listen.

(c) The patience to listen
Many fresh graduates think that because they have a university degree, they are in the perfect position to be telling people how things should have worked. Newsflash: in the working world, things work according to what the boss thinks will work. Never mind if your boss is loony, misinformed, calculative or just downright ignorant, he pays your salary and because of that he has the right to govern the way his company is run. The same goes to female bosses, most of the time, under tighter and stricter regimes. 
Be prepared to have your world turned upside down, shut the hell up and listen to your colleagues. And when something does not make sense to you, admit you don't understand it and people will come running to explain to you.

(d) Knowing next-to-nothing and not ashamed to say it
The worst thing a fresh graduate can do is say "I know". I know, you have to tell them that you know the latest statistical methods to deliver the results of this project or you know how to run the spectrometer or else you won't be getting the job, but that is about as far as you should go when it comes to telling people the depths of your knowledge. 
Truth is, as a fresh graduate, all you know are the theories behind how things work. People in the working world have tried and tested most methods and have the results to prove why each method fails or succeeds, regardless of what the textbook says. 
If you say "I know" to these people, they'd think you have all the answers, and will be unwilling to share the latest news and/or updates in their field with you. You will have more to lose and will have to work harder to gain the same insights that you could have easily gotten from speaking to an engineer with 20 years of experience under his belt, and who is willing to spill his guts to you over a cup of coffee.

(e) Hardworking
But this is not to say that hard work should not be involved. Many multinational corporations expect their fresh graduate employees to work twice as hard as their seniors, spend more time at their desks and more weekends in the office than anybody else. How else can you keep up with the rest of your colleagues? How do you get out of doing that? What? You have a social life to keep up? If you have to choose between spending time at your job and spending your time in a club drinking your brain cells away then perhaps that passion for your job is missing from your life. Being miserable in a job you do not like, will, kill, you.

(f) Has the passion for the job
Of course, I was speaking figuratively when I say that you will die from your job but how many times have you seen on facebook statuses from friends who are already working, that they are 'miserable' at their job, that they are staying in the office during the weekends, that they haven't seen the latest 3D movie because they didn't realize that the movie had been out for weeks which was as long as they had been away from any source of entertainment. 
It sounds sad but the truth is some people relish at the idea of getting to stay back at the office to get their work done, having the opportunity to lunch and dinner with senior executives who have plenty of great advice to share with them, and to know not of any other happiness other than to finish their project well within the budget and deadline given. These people have the passion to flourish in their chosen field and it is this innate characteristic in them that pushes them to learn everything from scratch about their job and what entails.

(g) Knows what the job requires - like the back of your hand
Unlike the neutral emotion of finding that mole at the back of your hand, passionate workers have a great affinity to discovering new things about their work. The feeling is almost euphoric, splashed with splotches of marvel -- and humility at the thought of still finding things that they did not know.
Not everyone has this. 
In fact, most graduates make the mistake of thinking that they moment they get their degrees, they can stop learning. These are the kinds of employees that stop growing the moment they start working. And they are the hardest to communicate with since everything they know is 'correct' and does not need any more improvements. 

(h) Knows how to communicate effectively
You can only improve if you know how to communicate effectively and appropriately. Using the right words via the right means (no text speak in emails please) and speaking with humility to co-workers, superiors, bosses, executives, clients and subordinates (eventually) can get you far. 

Being bilingual (or trilingual) is a great advantage but try to at least master one language, and it doesn't even have to be English. China is set to be a great economic leader in the next decade or so, and they have their own version of the English language that a native English speaker can't make heads or tails of. Lingua francas change all the time, who can predict the next biggest language out there? 

And to gauge how well you need to know a language: try to finish a novel in that language. If you can, you are set for gold. Bear in mind that programming languages do not count in this context.  
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Take every piece of advice thrown your way with a pinch of salt (including what you are reading here). It may or may not apply to you and your work place, and along your career you will meet people who will directly or indirectly teach you the ways of the world. Best of luck and always stay positive.

TIPS ON POINTS TO CONSIDER WHEN BUYING YOUR CONDO UNIT

In the past week, I have caught news that four of my friends, from university or school, are getting married! I guess everyone feels pressured into making a commitment once they start hitting an age-milestone. Either that, or they realize that it is time to start a family, and buy their own home.

Staying on course with the posting, if you are looking to buy a condo unit, here are a few reminders and tips to buy the right condo unit for you. Not that there are any wrong units - of course the developer is set on selling every single built unit - but you might want to hear me out (or read on) to find out how you can avoid getting less than what you deserve:

Here are the questions you want to ask the salesman or developer when asking about a condominium unit you want to purchase:

1. Where maintenance units are located
This includes the garbage chute (that is available on every floor), the garbage bin (it's usually at one of the corners), the TNB generator room etc.

2. Where the staircase / lifts are
My unit is the second closest to the emergency staircase and because we live on the first floor, we usually take the staircase instead of the lift (which is in the middle of the building) to our car at the carpark. If you think I'm lucky, imagine how terrible my moving day was (glad that's over). Oh, and it is not really good for your front door to be facing the staircase, bad luck for the owner, not that there is no way of rectifying it, one fengshui matter or another, but if you can avoid it...?

3. Where the facilities are:
Particularly where the swimming pool is because it can be really really noisy during the evenings or the weekends since that's when the kids will come with their visiting cousins and college bros to try out the pool/jacuzzi. Invest in really good sound proof windows and/or doors if this is unavoidable.

4. Where your balcony or living room is facing.
For high-rise dwellers, the view is something that is really really important (why else would I pay this much for? Conversations about the weather?). Even if at the current time, your counterpart units at the ground or first floor are facing a back road or undeveloped areas (hills and forests), that can change really quick within the next four to five years. The unit I got is already blocked by another apartment so my view is shot even from the day I bought my unit. My neighbours who had a nicer view facing some greens in the other direction are a bit luckier - but not for long as they are building another condominium unit that will totally screw up the view all the way up to at least the fifteenth floor. Part and parcel of owning a condo. Remember this rule: If there is space for development, there will be.

5. Details that might not seem important when you are buying the unit, but are.
~ where is the condo facing in relation to the sun (If you don't think that is important, you definitely have never been awaken by the hot sun shining down with vengeance on your eyes)
~ what you are getting from your developer (the tiling of the bathroom all the way to the ceiling, water heaters, dryers, floor tiles, Astro satellite connection policies, etc)
~ Maintenance fees (how much, when payment is due)
~ Parking lots and vehicle entry cards (are the lots covered or not; how far are the lots from your unit; if you get two, will they be placed together?)
~  (for security purposes)
~ Security policies (How easy or hard is it for friends or strangers to gain entry)
~ Visitor parking (are there any?)
~ Where the mailbox is
~ Renovation rules (some condos are very strict with what can be renovated and what can't)

House hunting is no laughing matter and I wouldn't know what I'd do without my husband and his discerning eye (and gut feeling) for good property buys. But with the right questions asked at the right time to the right person, you can minimize the risk of investing in the wrong property. Best of luck.

Mama Sing

Sort-of Book Review: Only Time Will Tell

I have always been a fan of Jeffrey Archer's books. With the exception of The Gospel According to Judas, which I've just noticed after reading through his list of works to confirm that I have read all his books, I have almost read all of his books, which includes his latest, Only Time Will Tell aka The Clifton Chronicles.

I finished reading this in two days, which I also did with the last Harry Potter book 

...but with more enthusiasm and satisfaction

I like Archer's storytelling. He makes every sentence count. I say this because in most of the books I read, I usually skip physical descriptions of the characters, the environment, the negligible room where they are going to have sex in... my point is, it's all pointless, serving no use except to be page fillers. My idol doesn't do that and even though almost all other novelists do that (for whatever reasons except practical ones), he simply does not give a *bleeb* and tells his own story his way.

Back to the review: 

It's almost impossible to 'spoil' Archer's books, because the fun in reading it is the journey and not just a single point in the last chapter which wraps everything up. Nonetheless, his signature twist-in-the-tale has always been a novelty that I look for in novels, of which (unlike a certain film-maker who has lost the ability to put in to his movies no more), Archer never fails to use blow everyone's mind.  

But in this book his twist takes a backseat. It's an amazing piece of work, showcasing ingenious story telling skills and his ability to get into the minds of so many of his characters that you find it hard to believe that they are not alive somewhere in the world. 

One thing I can spoil for you is that he retells various parts of the story; you will be reading about repeated scenes and issues but it will be fun, because it is from different points of view. And I don't mean like in an OCD way where there are several points of views in the same sentence, or in the same paragraph, or even the same page. Everyone tells their POV in chapters, and because Archer does his homework, none of it clash [Yeah, I am challenging you, yes you, to find flaws in his book]. And nobody can pull that off, but Jeffrey Archer.

What started out as a boy's journey to figure out what happened to his father who went missing from his and his mother's life one day, without a trace, would spell out a series of events that would leave him and you speechless. [It's a fairly new book and honestly, I do not want to ruin it for you, and I swear this on my hard covered Only Time Will Tell, which set me back about 100 bucks but it was worth it.]

*But if you still want a review on the book rather than trust my word for it (good move), here's a review from Pam Norfolk.*

And now for some good news: this will be a five-book saga (it ain't called a chronicle for being a 386-page book), with the second book The Sins of The Father well into its eighth draft, and supposedly picking up where the first book left off.

I can't wait!

PATIENCE IS VIRTUE WITH KIDS

If you do not have the patience to deal with a child, make it.

Yes, make patience, form it, develop it, rough it out. No matter how hard it is going to be for you, you really need to be patient with your children especially during their pre-vocab periods.

Here are three instances when I took the time to really try to understand my child (who turns two at the end of April) rather than lose my temper with her and it solved every mystery!

(A) Mystery #1: A squinting matter

Eva has been watching TV really close up lately. I did not understand why she had to do that every single time her favourite programmes were on. Was it because she wants to be upclose and personal with her favourite characters? Does she have eyesight problems? Hearing problems? 

We had several screaming matches because of it (she was the one screaming most of the time): "Sofa, Eva. Go sit at the sofa. Please don't watch TV so upclose. You will be wearing glasses by kindergarden." "kappa kappa nehno nah? NO!!!!" 

Sigh.

Apparently the real answer was revealed only when I took the time to sit down with her and watch a show, this time it was Mickey Mouse Clubhouse (highly recommended for toddlers).

  

The sofa is a good six to eight feet away from the TV. The discrepancy is due to the sofa being shifted front and back as it is not propped up against a wall. Up above, we installed a false panel with six appropriately placed lights to evenly light up the living room. It was eventually identified as the culprit to her fascination with the TV in close vicinity. 

The lights were making it difficult for her to see the TV screen! Even I was having a hard time absorbing the bright colours of the show AND the lights positioned at the two corners of my eyes. Ever since I swapped the lights for a row of lights shining behind the sofa (as opposed to in front of the sofa), she has kept herself to the middle of the living room or right at the far end where the sofa is. 

(B) Mystery #2: Scary doors

Eva was making a fuss of sleeping by herself, as in without me sitting right next to her and doing nothing but watch her drift into dreamland - it was unusual to say the least. She would be frightened (hands tapping on her chest and saying "pa pa" which was the signal for being scared) to be in our bedroom, with the lights out or with the door closed. Now before you freak yourself out with stories of the paranormal, believe me, the real answer was far from that.

I had just submitted a project within its deadline and found some time (and the need!) to take a nap. Hence, I took one, with Eva, on our bed. Suddenly I heard thumping noises coming from the attached bathroom. The noises were caused by the low pressure inside the bathroom, where we kept two bathroom windows slightly opened to clear the air of fumes and other odors, when it gets windy around our condo. 

Eva immediately sat up and did the pa pa signal and I figured out that it was the noises from the bathroom door that caused all that fear of taking naps during the afternoon. I put a piece of towel or cloth to stop the door from shutting and the noise were also muffled.

Eva slept really well after that.

(C) Mystery #3: Playing with water

Eva was really testing me the last three days during bath time. She refuses to let me wash her hair, or dry it afterwards. She also refuses to leave the bathroom after we were done with her bath. Lastly, she kept playing with the water that was rushing towards the drainage pipe, dirty water that were cleansed off her body and hair. 

She would cry and throw tantrums in front of the bathroom for a long time, half an hour of pure screaming and never-ending tears. When I finally couldn't take it, I let her dad take over the bathing for awhile, which he did, without a single tear from Eva. 

As I observed the way he did it, I figured that we both had different approaches to giving Eva her bath. Mine was quick and easy, minimizing the use of water and getting her out as quick as possible so that she won't catch a cold. His was a lingering time in the bathtub with a lot of fun and plenty of time for him to dry her hair properly before she leaves warmth of the bathroom.

While both our methods had its strengths and weaknesses, Eva obviously prefers her dad's more fun bathing methods and therefore throws tantrums whenever I don't follow his method. I also had to explain to my husband why I don't want to. "What if we had to take baths at other places for example, like our parent's houses, where there are no bathtubs? And what do you think about using so much of their water for a simple bath for a toddler?" His response: "We can always use the basins to wash clothes in" and "Why won't they let a toddler take a fun bath?" 

The jury is still out on that but that's another story altogether.

So if your toddler is giving you a hard time, throwing tantrums left right and centre, take a few minutes out of your busy schedule and just sit down with them or go through the process together with them, view things from their perspective, and you might be able to put these tantrums to rest in no time. 

best of luck! - Mama Sing.

THE WEDDING / BRIDAL PHOTOSHOOT - WHAT TO LOOK OUT FOR

1. Negotiate everything before you sign any order forms. 

2. Ensure that whatever the salesperson promises you is written into the order form.

3. Keep a copy for yourself and do not lose that copy.

4. Refrain from adding things that cost money when things start rolling. 

~ Small things add up, things like lashes, clip-on nails, and new cosmetic powder foams, they will charge these things into your account if you ask for new ones. You can go with the dirtier used ones or buy new ones or... bring your own (yes, bring it on the day of your photoshoot), they will gladly use yours.

5. Take very good care of the wedding dress when you are in it. 

~ Once you cause a tear into the dress, you may have to pay for the full cost as they cannot use it for future shoots no more.

6. Insist on perfect make-up or dressing. 

~ If you don't like the make-up, ask for a do-over. For instance, if it is too much or too wild and you are the more demure and soft-spoken/elegant kind, inform the make-up artist. It would be great to decide from the start the theme you want to deliver in your album so that the artist can help make you up into the princess you want yourself to be in your album.

7. Have breakfast on the day of your photoshoot but not too much that you get a bulge on your tummy. 

~ The photoshoot will be amazingly long, with next to no time for food in between. You won't have any appetite to eat anyways - who wants to smudge their lipstick, right? - still, it's good to start up energetically in the morning.

8. Do not fight in the middle of the photoshoot. It will show up in the photos.

9. Be wary of things that might turn up in the photos. 

~ If you are not wearing shoes, ensure that they are covered or out of the camera's range; when you dress in a western setting like a conquistador wedding or a Japanese wedding, guys, take off your Casio watch, girls, no glasses etc

10. Have fun. Loads of it. 

~ It will be the last fun thing you will get to do with your spouse without worrying about any other thing in the world.

With love, Mama Sing

HOW TO GET THE RIGHT WEDDING / BRIDAL PHOTO PACKAGE

I'm just going to take a step back and write about one of the best, most fun thing I have ever had the privilege to do: take wedding photos. I have many friend and relatives who are now entering this phase, wondering how much they should spend and what they should get for every dollar spent. If you are also one of the few who wish to know what to look out for, here's several factors that can help you make your decision on which package to take.

Budget and fun

It is important to have a budget before you start picking out a wedding photo / bridal photo album package. Work your way around your budget, give or take a little bit but DO NOT go overboard with it. Much of the fun of making a wedding photo album is the photoshoot, something intimate that you share with your partner and your partner alone. Besides, at the end of it all, five years down the road, the wedding album will be shoved under the bed and so cherish the experience you gain from working together with your spouse... to have FUN at the photoshoot.

Do save up before deciding on the wedding budget because sometimes money can buy happiness. My wedding package was in the vicinity of RM5k and that was because I saved like crazy for it and I felt that it was the right way to pamper me, myself and I for a change, and until today I do not regret my decision.

Indoor or Outdoor or both?

In determining the fun factor, you have to decide if you want to have your wedding photos indoor or outdoor. 

The perks of having it indoor is: 

~no bugs, you can see your eyes on the photos (no need for squinting under the hot sun), the focus is on the both of you, you can have more fun with a wider variety of wedding dresses/gowns, it's easier to control the lighting making you the centre of attention, air conditioning(!) and minimal sweating. 

The perks of having it outdoors: 

~an amazing view, a freestyle feel to it, the chance to have a long-train wedding dress (utilizing the space), night sceneries, beautiful beaches, blue skies and grassy fields can make for breathtaking pictures.

The type of wedding or bridal gowns or dresses

The typical most affordable package will allow you to dress up in 1 wedding gown/dress, 1 evening gown, and 1 traditional or western costume. This can be easily available in the under RM2k category and is great for quickie weddings or just to get it out of your system *wink*. Every girl is entitled to be treated like a princess for a day, so why deny yourself that privilege? 

For my RM5k budget, I got 3 wedding gowns, 2 evening gowns, 2 traditional costumes + 1 wedding gown for my groom-brings-bride-home-ceremony, and 2 evening gowns for my wedding dinners (husband's and mine). That's a total of 9 gowns. You can tell I was a happy bride.

Bear in mind that usually you are only allowed to reuse the wedding gowns used for the photo album for the wedding dinner. Try to negotiate for at least an extra wedding gown (fresh pick) for each of your planned wedding dinner or reception. And do this BEFORE you sign the order form.

Knowing what you do and don't need

The thing with wedding / bridal photo album packages in Malaysia is they put in a lot of stuff that you don't really need, but first, let's talk about what you do need:

1. wedding photo + frame for your mom's house.

2. wedding photo + frame for your spouse's mom's house.

3. wedding photo + frame for your house. 

~This is usually huge, and hung over your bed. I have two which are still sitting in a closet because no one has gotten around to start nailing stuff onto our still newly painted walls.

4. a photo album, maximum TWO photo albums

~usually one large, and one small. Keep in mind to have a good-quality cover or an overall album, that is, ask for aluminium corner casings that will prevent the side of the album to curl up over time.

5. complimentary wedding photos. 

~These are sent with the invitation cards that go to your closest friends and relatives. It's a personal gift which limits it to around 30 copies. Some bridal shops give it to you for free but will charge you extra if you want extra copies after you have signed the package. Well, they need to make a living you know.

Now, to what you do NOT need:

1. Weird photo frames or designs that cost extra. 

~They end up being dust collectors at your home thereafter.

2. Adding extra poses AFTER you have decided on how many poses you are getting within your budget. 

~Many packages go overbudget after the initial price because you will see many beautiful pictures of yours that you want to put into the album, but lo and behold, you have exhausted your number of poses for your album. What are you going to do? Well, after going through a gruelling day (mine took 8 hours) to finish the photoshoot, of course you will buy the extra poses.... at an extra RM8 per pose. Yeah, you do the math. An extra 12 poses will definitely set you back RM100 easily but by then there is no turning back.

3. The flower settings they put on the front of the groom's car. 

~You can return them and do your own flower settings and get this, they charge you around RM120 for this service. You can ask friends who are good with flower arrangements to do it for under RM30 (for the materials, it's your business how much you angpow you want to give to your talented friend).

4. Large photo albums that are impossible to transport around. 

~Go for more manageable sizes. The length of my large photo album is twice the width of my small one (which is comfortably smaller than the regular primary school textbook).

Remember that you are the star of the day and therefore things should go your way without you feeling guilty about anything. Don't go overboard with the poses but don't be too clamped up about it too. Experiment with everything and anything. 

Love your wedding, Love the camera, Love yourself.

WORKING FROM HOME: A SERIOUS MATTER

It has always been a dream for me to be able to work from home, for a few reasons. 
A. I get to accompany my husband, who has been working from home for an employer who is in the United States. 
B. I get to spend more time with my daughter, and mould her into the minion that I want her to be (buahahahhaa)
C. I get to learn to become a better cook.
D. I don't have to waste my time, or waste away my health by dealing with the horrible process of commuting to work. and lastly...
E. No office politics (yay!)

However, little did I know that working from home would come with a full set of new problems that would make one want to throw in the towel within the first two weeks alone. Here's what happened:

I quit my previous job in late 2010 and found myself in a new home, in new surroundings and a ton of creases that needs stomping out. Basically, I got my own home already (hurray!) - which practically came without an internet connection or cable TV. We also had to start looking for new places to shop for raw materials, as well as new places to dine in, and let's not forget new recipes to apply to our daily makan routine.

Along the way, I was lucky to have been given several jobs by an ex-employer, on a freelance basis that pays alright for someone who doesn't have to step out of her house to get some dough. 

In the meantime, my daughter was trying to get used to having to face both her doting parents every single day, and by that I meant, she was trying to figure out what are the best ways to manipulate us into giving all that she wants. Oh.... I will count the ways. 

Needless to say, Havoc ruled the first three months I was here. 

But then... 

Things began to fall into place around chinese new year. 

For starters, my husband and I have established that we will share the household chores although he rules the kitchen more and I rule the washing machine more (no complaints there). We finally got our Unifi connection, 2Mbps (thank you)

As for being perfect parents, we are far from it, usually leaving Eva to the mercy of the idiot box (no complaints there either) until one night, she woke up at around 3.30am and asked (more like screamed) to watch Elmo. 

Her needy condition led to both her parents ending up in fights, arguments and tantrums (I don't wanna watch her, you watch her) and it had gotten so bad that one day I told my husband that I want to stop freelancing and just watch Eva, due to Fact 1: he is the breadwinner of the family and Fact 2: since I am without a stable income, whenever he is busy I HAVE to drop EVERYTHING to watch Eva... might as well make it permanent. 

That's when he came up with the idea of having the SCHEDULE.

The schedule

Eva sleeps at around 11pm at night (that's early for her) and will wake up between 10 am and 11.30 am. So my schedule turns out to be from 12pm to 6pm, after which her dad will take over from 6am until she goes to sleep. If you think that doesn't sound fair, Eva does take a two-hour nap at around 2pm to 4pm and while it is easier to let her nap, it is a whole other thing to get her to go to sleep at night. Initially, I was pleased with the arrangement, until I realised that by the time I am done looking after Eva at 6pm, it will be dinner time, and that coupled with a LONG day would make me too tired to do anything else. 

I struggled for about two weeks, before asking for a flip with my husband. Turns out the switch was useless since he takes some afternoons off to Skype with his employer in the U.S.

We reached a dead-end once again. So what happens next? My work got delayed pretty badly and it got me really worked up that I can't deliver as punctual as I used to no more. So what they hey, I'm already screwed, why not take this time to just hang out with my kid? And hung out I did, and I discovered something extraordinary.

They just want you to listen.

Maybe it's just Eva (who's barely 2), but I hope it's the same with all kids, but kids like her, all they really want is for you to just listen. Once they pass the 18-month mark, they undergo a sort of transformation that allows them to be self-conscious. They understand what they want and will demand for it and even though they can't talk, they will find other means to let you know they want that banana or more milk, or just an empty bowl to bang around for fun. And the magic happens when you stop and just listen to them. 

For example, I once asked Eva when she was around 19-mth old if she would want milk. She would stare at me like I'm a statue and then she would look to the side for something else to stare at, then look back at me and then nod. Eventually that nod evolved into repeating the word I use for milk "neh-neh" repeatly until I get it and start making her a bottle of milk. Later on, our conversation would become something like "Do you want milk/neh-neh?" Eva: "Neh-neh? Yao (I want)". Up until now she would say this, as if to confirm if I am offering her neh-neh (as opposed to biscuits or fruit or yogurt etc), and then saying "yao" I want or "bu yao: I don't want. 

Until early February, I've never realised what a connection Eva and I have established until her father got some time off to actually watch over her while I catch up with my work. He was having a rough time for a bit and had resorted to using the back of his hand to deliver messages to her daughter, like "time to take a bath", "do you want milk or not?", and "stop wriggling around and put your pajamas on" whereas when I take over from him I got her to do those things with less of a hassle on my part, and less of pain on her buttocks on her part. I told Eva's dad repeatedly to be gentle with her and to listen to her but I guess by that time Eva had decided that she could only trust one person, and I had the luck to be the one she chose to trust. 

Eva took full advantage of being the mama's girl, demanding things by doing what I ask her to do, up to a point where she is starting to show the effects of being over-pampered. When her grandfather came over to stay around two weeks ago, he confirmed this state of affairs by saying that she is a spoilt brat. So again we went all flexible with this parenting gig and started changing our modus operandi again. 
I introduce the clothes hanger.

To be continued...

TOO LATE FOR TOO LONG

It's well into the first month of the first year and close to two months since my last blog post. There is nothing to apologize for (which many bloggers tend to do and which I think is a bit sad) but there are plenty to be blurgh in here. 

Currently I'm writing from the state of Sabah which has earned the label of being the second poorest state in Malaysia in 2010 (or perhaps longer, nobody cares enough to keep count). Sabah is part of the island of Borneo which it shares with Sarawak, a fellow Malaysian state; Brunei, a country on its own; and Kalimantan, part of Indonesia. See the illustration below.

Bor-nee-oh

Sabah has lots of land. Acres and acres and ACRES of it. Those lands have trees, which contain wood, which translates to timber/lumber/sources for moo-lah. Did you know that Sabah also has oil off its coasts -  funny how our history books never mentioned it much though. All in all, there are few reasons why Sabah has to be in the poor category. 

A penny for your thoughts
A friend from the US visited us recently and he remarked that when he visited Kota Kinabalu 8 years ago during his first trip to Malaysia, he was surprised that KK was more developed than he had expected. 

I had just been to KK last October (of 2010) and even though it looks like a nice place to visit, the place still reeks of slow development. In KL, overhead bridges, new roads, flyovers and 18-storey condos are built in the span of 3 months to 3 years. You can't find anything in Sabah that you can boast about in the same capacity. 

With the head screwed on backwards
What you can find in Sabah, or at least in Tawau is idiocy on the roads and I do not mean the regular culprits (being the drivers).

Who freaking builds two traffic lights that are in a length of 5 cars apart? 

Who makes you drive on the wrong side of the road in one freakin' street in town, in an effort to reduce traffic jams? Note: Critics dubbed this the American road. It has since reverted to the colonised nation way again.

Who turns two healthy, beautiful, perfect two-way roads into two one-way roads that lead to a traffic light crossroads?

Who digs up the roads to fix a pipe underneath then leaves the road unfixed after?

Who stops and summons a van driving on the right lane because there's a sign saying Ikut kiri jika tidak memotong (Keep left if you are not overtaking)?


>>>> Dare I say it? Idiots bah.