Domestic abuse occurs everywhere in the world so long that there is someone to beat up and someone to do the beating. Even in the Chinese language, there is a proverb that goes something like "One is willing to take the beating, and the other is willing to do the beating." The proverb is loosely used to shrug off the general public's responsibility of breaking up an unhealthy relationship.
For example, you see the wife asking the husband for money to go the market with and he gives her a scolding on how fast she went through the money he gave her last time. Of course, the husband never goes to the market and has no inkling of how much chicken costs per kg now but ... ah, he's the breadwinner, and therefore he has the say. So if the woman is to endure the constant scolding, or perhaps the occasional beating, then who are you, their neighbour to break up such a 'lovely' relationship?
The first step towards getting out of a relationship that has domestic abuse fixed in its daily schedule is to ask for help. That, to many offering this advice, is the hardest part towards recovery. The second step is for the proper authorities to acknowledge that help. The third step is for the proper authorities to extend help to the victim so they can ensure he becomes a survivor.
Well, as the following news report may or may not prove, all three steps may be equally hard to achieve.
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The Star Online > Opinion > Wednesday May 20, 2009
A MOTHER of four has moved homes more than 20 times in Kuala Lumpur to evade her abusive husband, Harian Metro reported.
The 50-something woman, known only as Saadiah, alleged that her husband ignored all the police reports filed by her following his abusive ways.
Saadiah said she had been living in fear of her husband who had chased her around the house with a knife after beating her up and accusing her of infidelity.
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The following is a letter written by a reader in response to the news report above.
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The Star Online > Opinion > May 21 2009
WE have had several reports in the papers about domestic violence and an equal number of government initiatives to rectify this most appalling of crimes. And yet we continue to have shocking headlines such as this "Mother of four on the run from abusive hubby"(The Star, May 20). (...be thankful that it reached the headlines)
I would assume that Saadiah’s predicament has been happening over a number of months, if not years. She also claims that her violent husband had ignored all the police reports that she had filed about his abusive ways.
I fail to understand why the abuse was allowed to continue because she states that she has had to move house more than 20 times. What is the role of the police in this and what of our social services? (apparent breakdown of step two) Surely one is not to run to an NGO when the Welfare and Social Services Department is presumably the first port of call when one is in trouble? (can't reach step three if you skip step two)
The violent husband has behaved in a threatening way to Saadiah, brandishing a knife while chasing her and also beating her up. Her life had been placed in danger. She was at risk of injury and a crime was taking place.
Why was he not arrested and charged? Or would Saadiah have to come to harm first before something firm, concrete and final is done about him? (common in Malaysia, unless there is a murder, an attempted murder isn't good enough for them to get serious) Why was such paralysis shown by the law enforcement officers? What has the wife to do to enable the police to arrest him? At the cost of serious injury to her perhaps? Or her life, possibly?
Why was she not given advice that she could seek the court’s help and apply for a non-molestation order to protect her against future violence? Or is there no provision for this under our Family Law Act?
Surely, the laws must be there in place to protect vulnerable women like Saadiah. However, if there is insufficient provisions in the law, something must be done about this – and fast. I am aware of how the wheels of law grind ever slowly in our system. (ouch!)
But could the problem also be that of enforcement? I suspect that she has not been informed of her rights, of what she can or cannot do to protect herself and her children who are equally vulnerable. (which is why awareness campaigns and exercises are important)
In my experience, it is the government departments which do not disseminate information that could help the victim. Sometimes, the person on the ground is so ignorant of the help that is available. At other times, it is the attitude of the staff dispensing this information.
A person who is in desperate need of help should not be subject to further abuse from a civil servant. Maybe rigorous staff retraining is in order and can be one item to be put on Datuk Shahrizat’s urgent checklist of “to dos”.
The other common problem faced is that information such as critical phone numbers of relevant NGOs or even government agencies which have been detailed to help victims of domestic violence are not displayed prominently in police stations, community boards in the meeting halls, lobbies of mosques, temples and churches, and libraries.
In the same manner, leaflets displaying more detailed information such as services offered or helplines can be collated in leaflets and again prominently displayed for handing out to those who need it. As an additional measure, the information should be in the four major languages. (and perhaps, we need to ensure they can read it first. Must not take that for granted. Our education system doesn't exactly transcend all boundaries, ensuring everyone gets their 3Rs right.)
Let me reiterate. Please do not allow the system to further let vulnerable women like Saadiah down. If there are flaws in the system, please correct them. (aye, aye!) Musawah, Senada, Rumah Nur and the other countless conferences or initiatives mean nothing if they are not put into good practice to produce effective results.
MARIAM MOKHTAR,
Ipoh.
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One, I can't begin to imagine the level of fear Saadiah (probably not her real name) has to go through every day. Her strength to continue surviving, moving 20 times, is a testament of the strength of women who won't take it sitting down, with or without outside help. This I tabik.
Two, it is so much easier to write a letter of complaint, expressing one's disappointment and amazement at how ineffective our authorities are, than to extend a helping hand to one who is actually experiencing domestic violence. Frankly, that letter is not going to help save Saadiah's life. You and I both know that.
Three, protocol is a knife that cuts both ways, ensuring that things can be done in a way that is really easy, or really really difficult. For the police to do something, victims of a crime must first lodge a report. No report lodge, then there is no crime. That is how the system works, whether we like it or not.
Four, if they catch the bastard, I hope that they will subject him to half the amount of fear he has put his wife through just to see how strong he is when he is not brandishing knives at the woman he swore to protect on the steps of matrimony.
