GETTING MARRIED AND GOING TO JAIL

The Star Online, Wednesday December 2, 2009

NEWLYWED WHO GAVE BIRTH FACES LEGAL ACTION

A WOMAN who gave birth to a baby girl barely 24 hours after her akad nikah is now in trouble with the Malacca Religious Department (JAIM) for having the child out of wedlock, reported Harian Metro.

The 21-year-old girl married her 28-year-old partner at her family home in Malacca, knowing she was pregnant.

The daily said a group of enforcement officers led by JAIM chief enforcement officer Rahimin Bani went to the Malacca Hospital to take statements from the couple.

“The woman understood when she was told that she had committed the offence of having a child out of wedlock and the couple also admitted to having prohibited sex,” Rahimin was quoted a saying.

He said the woman’s family was aware of her pregnancy and still allowed the solemnisation of her marriage.

He said the woman would be charged under Section 54 of the Malacca Syariah Offences Enact-ment for being pregnant out of wedlock while her husband would be charged under Section 55 for being an accomplice in prohibited sex.

The two can be sentenced to a fine of RM30,000 or jail for 24 months or both if convicted.

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There are so many ways to react to this article yet the first thing that popped into my mind was: I guess they'd preferred it if the woman got rid of the baby.

What was the couple to do? Abandon the baby and deprive it of a normal life? Why should the child be penalised for something that the parents did wrong?

Yet when the parents decide to take responsibility for their actions, officers come crashing into their family life to tell them the obvious "you had this baby out of wedlock". Well, duh.. Mr Occifer... "and your family knew about this and did not report you, and allowed you to get married anyway." And your point being?

Pre-wedding activities aside, I think that since they took responsibility for their actions, a tinge of leniency and mercy should be given to the couple. 2 years of jailtime for doing the right thing... the idea simply screws up justice in the justice system.

Crud. This just ruins my day.

CHANGE

The Chinese have a saying: when a woman gives birth, she has one foot in a coffin (death) and another on land (life). This roughly translates to a life-or-death experience or a near-death one. Needless to say, a childbirth experience is traumatic to both the mother and the child.

Some women endure up to 2 days (48 hours) of labour pain before giving birth. Imagine pushing 3 kg of flesh and bone out of your body through a hole that previously couldn’t fit three fingers (that’s how they check if you are dilated and ready for labour).

I cannot place myself in the same group of these brave mothers who had opted for a natural delivery. As I was diabetic, I had to deliver earlier than the due date. The doctor told me that I can choose between an induced natural labour or a C-section. Two months before I had to make that decision, my sister had opted for an induced natural delivery. Her doctors could not pinpoint her due date and so to prevent anything untoward from happening, the doctor suggested an induced natural delivery.

My sister had to suffer through 8 hours of pain, only to have the baby delivered in the end through C-section.

Naturally, I went for the C-section. Don’t judge. If you do, try watching a real-life natural childbirth process on Youtube before you do.

But the point of the story in this post is that after childbirth, after 9 months of pregnancy, the pain, the suffering, the anguish of it all not to mention 4 months of intense vomiting day in and day out, I felt as if I was given a second outlook of life.

I had a short fuse when I was growing up. I was also plenty impatient and domineering. Everything had to be perfect, planned and proper. I do not take lightly to people who did things that are not considered morally correct like getting pregnant before marriage, giving bribes to get out of situations and parking at the disable’s parking spot.

After becoming a mother however, I took a step back and re-evaluated my life. I felt that there were so many things to do, share and experience with the people you love. No, I’m not becoming all gushy or turning into a pansy. I just grew up, just upper than before, in a sense.

Now, things that make other people lose their temper don’t faze me much. I’ve accepted that there are certain rules that makes life life. For example, I view discrimination a lot more lightly than I used to because no matter how good you are, there will always be someone better, and another person worse than you. So, discrimination serves no purpose but to remind people that life is not fair. Apart from that, if you do not comply to the effects of discrimination, it can do you no harm.

As for being domineering and controlling, life’s too short to have everything so perfect. To have everything fall perfectly into place, that’s the magical part of it. I look forward to that every single day now.

Lastly, sometimes people do immoral things just to get through in life. They may have it harder than you and so it should be okay once in a while to cut them some slack.

Getting pregnant before marriage is so common now, that the worry is now on whether or not the father and mother of the unborn child will take responsibility of it rather than short-change it out of an opportunity in life, for their own selfish reasons.

Giving bribes is still a big no no but sometimes it is between parting with a few hundred dollars or going to jail because of tampered evidence. Which would you choose if you were in that situation?

Parking in a disable’s parking spot tells you a lot about the driver of the car. For some people, knowing the true character about the people around them is very important. If a person has no qualms about taking the disable’s parking spot, it shows a lack of compassion and understanding in that person. Knowing that bit about that person can actually help you make interesting and important decisions regarding that person.

Every single thing that happens around you, as the cliché goes, happens for a reason (Hey, a cliché won’t be around for so long if it ain’t true). It is up to you to decipher what message every situation has for you.

For me, the messages I am receiving now is that I need change in my life. I’ve taken the first step and am now waiting for opportunities to prove myself. I’m trying very hard to chase my dream in hopes that one day I will be able to encourage my daughter to do the same.

Now all I got to do is wait.

My car broke down and help came in an unexpected way

I had this realisation the other day that I wanted to blog about. Only remembered it just now.

This happened close to a year ago. I had a problem with the fuel pump of my car. My car suddenly slowed to a stop despite me repeatedly stepping on the gas pedal. I was stuck on the furthest left lane of a four-lane expressway. I did not have any emergency numbers to call. The only colleague who went on the same route to work as I did was on vacation. I had to call my boss who lived in Seremban and who told me he was caught in a jam. He needed half an hour to get to where I am. That literally translates to an hour.

I got down from my car, left the hazard lights on and waited. So there I was stuck, alone on a KL highway with Monday morning traffic wheezing past me at 90 km/hr on average.

Twenty minutes passed by and after being passed by by people who thought it was more useful to honk at my car than to come down and help me, an old uncle on a motorcycle finally stopped. He told me the obvious, that it was dangerous to stand on the side of the road like that. He also told me to keep my car boot open so that people can see the stagnant car from afar and slow down in time.

I told him I have friends coming already, constantly trying to ‘read’ his intentions through his body language. He rode off after telling me to stay behind the car instead of in front of the car in case someone knocks into the car and unwittingly took me with it. I thanked him for the sound advice.

Another youngster also slowed down for a bit. I yelled on top of his rumbling motor engine that I have friends coming and thanked him before he sped off.

It was about 100 cars later or roughly another 10 minutes before a man in a light brown jacket stopped, took off his helmet and asked me what was wrong. Somehow I told him the real problem, that I had tried to step on the gas pedal but the car won’t budge. He told me to open the hood of the car. I fumbled at the driver’s seat, trying to figure out where the damn release was. He told me to wait on the side of the road and got into my car to release the hood himself.

I remembered praying that he won’t speed off with the car, momentarily forgetting that the car isn’t going anywhere anyways.

After he looked at the engine, he gestured me closer and told me it is not the engine’s problem.

Then he looked at the back seat, and took the whole of the backseat off. There was a small cup in the middle of skeleton of the backseat. The cup had thin see-through tubes leading into and out of the cup. Inside the cup was some orange liquid, which looks extremely like the petrol we pump into our cars. The smell confirmed that it was.

The man told me that the tubes to my fuel cup were loose, so the petrol couldn’t get from the tank to the engine. He told me to give him a few more minutes to make sure the tubes were as tight as he could probably make them. Then, he told me to start the car.

I listened to him, did what he told me to do and the car revved to live.

I thanked him profusely, as if he had saved my whole family from the plague. When I asked him how he knew how to fix it he told me that he is a foreman (mechanic). He then got on his motorcycle and escorted me a short distance to the next toll booth before speeding off on another branch of road while I continued on to my destination.

I don't think I can recognize him again if I see him again today.

When my boss got to work that day, he arranged for the company mechanic to look at my car. They confirmed the foreman's diagnostics and promptly installed a new fuel pump into my car. When I told my boss how I got out of the whole problem, he said that I must have done some really good things to receive karma in that form.

We both had no idea that the real reason was much simpler.

Someone was watching over me.

Because I was two-weeks pregnant.

WHAT TO EXPECT DURING CHECKUPS

First checkup: Confirmation of pregnancy and heartbeat
Your first checkup would usually be for the confirmation of a pregnancy. This can occur in two ways. One is a test with a pregnancy kit. The second is with an ultrasound scan. Usually the ultrasound scan is done after confirmation with a positive result from the pregnancy kit and is in turn used to confirm the presence of a beating heart.

Below 8 weeks (sometimes 10 wks) you may need a full bladder for the ultrasound scan. This is to pinpoint the location of the uterus so that the doctor will know where to point the transducer (that’s the thing that they ‘scroll’ all over your abdomen to ‘see’ or scan for the embryo).

If you are too early, the embryo may not turn up on the scan. Then, the doctor or sonographer will suggest one of two things: to have a transvaginal scan or to wait for a few weeks more until the embryo is big enough to see.

Note that at 8 weeks a typical embryo is only about half an inch to three-quarters of an inch big.

During my own scans, my pregnancy was confirmed at 6 weeks with a kit at the doctors. I went for a scan but my doctor couldn’t see the baby yet and so she asked me to wait for a couple of weeks as according to her the transvaginal scan is ‘not very comfortable’. So I waited about two weeks for the embryo to reach 8 weeks and went back. Another doctor was working at the time and she immediately arranged for me to get a transvaginal scan… which was really not comfortable, believe me.

But I did get to see my baby for the first time. So it was worth it.


Periodical checkups: Charting the development of the baby
In the first trimester (first three months) the baby is known as an embryo, From the fourth month onwards, it is known as the foetus until birth. The development of the baby is charted against the statistics of other babies.

Some of the measurements taken during the monthly checkups are:
• the crown-rump length of the baby*
• the circumference of the head
• the circumference of the abdomen (tummy)
• the length of the femur (in the second trimester when bones are more pronounced)

*The crown-rump length is the length of from the baby’s head to
its bum bum (bottom), as this is the position readily assumed
by the baby inside the confined space of the womb.
Source: fetal.com

During checkups the doctor may also monitor the heartbeat (sometimes with a Doppler scanner to ensure that there are no irregularities in the heartbeat), check on the gut, heart, brain, the development of the backbone and how active your baby is.

During the scan, the doctor will also check on the availability of the amniotic fluid inside the womb. Too much or too little of the amnion fluid may be of concern but always check with your doctor if anything worries you.

The doctor will also need to chart your blood pressure, check your urine for the presence of protein or glucose and take measurements of your weight. The height taken is only a one-time thing.

Tests and perpetuating the fear of needles
Amniocentesis and Down Syndrome check.
Around week 15 to week 20, you doctor may ask you if you want to screen for Down syndrome. You doctor will show you statistics that show the probability that your baby has it depending on your age and other indications during the scans or based on the results of your urine tests. This is currently done through amniocentesis: the fluid inside the womb is taken out with a syringe for testing. The results will only be available in a week or two.

I did not opt for mine as I was not in the high-risk group (mother being 35 years old or older) and I do not like the idea of having a syringe poked into my womb.

Checking for diabetes
Around Week 24 you will be submitted to a glucose tolerance test. You will need to fast from 10 pm or midnight the day before, go to the clinic and have your blood taken, then drink an extremely sweet drink, wait for two hours then have your blood taken again. This test is really important to ensure that you are not diabetic during or due to the pregnancy.

I was diagnosed to have gestational diabetes when I ‘failed’ this test. The glucose levels in my blood were in the ‘impaired’ zone, which means that I am diabetic but it can still be controlled through my diet. A more serious case would need control through medication and is not healthy for the pregnant mother or for the baby.

Since I was diagnosed with GD, I have to take glucose tests every month in which I have my arm jabbed four times a day, three times before meals and once before bedtime. For most this would perpetuate a lifelong fear of needles. For me, I’ve grown accustomed to it. The matter was worsened by the fact that most of the poking were done on my left arm, as my right arm does not have veins pronounced enough for them to draw blood from.

Imagine having been poked by 28 needles through the whole pregnancy, four of which was caused by a botched test. I don’t want to talk about that.

I've had enough of you to last a lifetime!

Other things to look out for
By the time your foetus reaches 7 months, he or she will be around 1.5 kg. In the last three months, you will experience, have or see more weight gain, stretch marks, cravings, cramps, fatigue, difficulty in breathing, constant toilet trips (including in the middle of nights) and more checkups. The checkups will go from once every four weeks to once every two weeks to once every week.

The foetus is sometimes more vulnerable during the last trimester as many things may go wrong. It is extremely important that you watch your diet during this time as some research show that what you eat during the final months of the pregnancy will lead to having a hypersensitive baby with allergies.

Weight gain and size development of the baby is also crucial at this juncture. In almost all the cases of pregnancies around me, the foetuses were found to have stop growing near the 8th month. I have a friend who has to deliver one month early because the baby has stopped growing since the 7th month. The baby’s weight during birth barely reached 2.5 kg.

Weight gain in the baby does not rely solely on the mother’s food intake during the last trimester. You can keep eating and eating but it may not go into your baby for reasons that even doctors do not understand. However, if weight gain in the baby seems to balloon out of control, this is also reason for worry as cases of stillbirth are linked to foetuses being overweight. I have another friend whose sister in law lost her baby due to this. The heart stopped at the 7-month mark. This will be very traumatic for the mother so take heed and be cautious about your eating habits during the last trimester.

Conclusion and disclaimer (as usual):
Exercise, eat healthily, be safe, go slow, listen to advice from other mothers, communicate with your doctor, be watchful, savour the nine months and wait eagerly for the arrival of our baby because believe me, it will come to an end eventually (even though you feel like this will go on forever =)) and you will have a new beginning!

As usual, here comes the disclaimer. I am not a doctor, a practitioner, a nurse, a medical lecturer, a gynaecologist not even a medic student. I am a woman, a mother, a wife, once-pregnant-now-free and a blogger who just loves to dissipate information. The things I write here, I will tell my sister, my daughter or my female friends who are pregnant. Hence, I find them fit to put here to share.

However, do understand that everything is different for everyone and you should not take the information here word-for-word. Talk to your doctor or do your own research. Make educated choices and informed decisions for yourself and for your baby.

Lastly, congrats on your pregnancy and I pray that all will go well for you and your baby.

BRITANNIA WOMEN AND CHILDREN SPECIALIST CENTRE

Awhile back I wrote about Britannia Kajang, the specialist delivery centre for women and children. I forgot to write about the Cheras branch, or more precisely, I forgot to give the map or instructions to get there. So if you haven't seen this link or don't need to...

here is the wikimapia map to Britannia's Cheras branch. It is easier to get to than the one in Kajang, hence I did not make a map for it. If you have GPS, you can get the coordinates from googlemaps.

If you don't... you can always get yourself to Alam Damai, Jusco Cheras Selatan, Carrefour Cheras Selatan or Connaught's Giant (there is a backroad that leads into Alam Damai) and take it from there.

1 Follow the Pustaka Rakyat bookstore signboard to get to Pustaka Rakyat. Next to Pustaka Rakyat is the Bandar Damai Perdana Balai Polis. The station is on one end of the whole shoplot. Britannia is on the other end.

2 Find SJKC Connaught 2. It's in the same vicinity.

3 Find Nyonya Kopitiam. It's two blocks behind Nyonya Kopitiam.

Good luck finding the place and good luck with the pregnancy.

THE LINK BETWEEN PREGNANCY DIETS AND BABY ALLERGIES

My niece was born 6 weeks after my daughter. She has a beautiful face, compared to my daughter’s but she is now suffering from a mild form of eczema, a skin condition also known as atopic dermatitis. It is a form of inherited allergy. In some cases, the eczema develops into asthma. Luckily, in my niece’s case, it is confined to dry skin and occasional rashes on her cheeks.

According to some sites like babycenter, the allergic reaction is triggered by allergens in the baby’s diet. If you breastfeed, the reaction may be triggered through the food you take, transferred to your baby through breast milk. The allergic reaction may also be exacerbated by irritants like soap, lotions and detergents, or even by heat.

Apart from the rashes and her dry skin, my niece also is easily irritable, does not sleep for long and cries a lot due to her skin problem. Thus, this takes a toll on the mother and the babysitter as well. The babysitter asks that the mother switch to a soy-based milk to reduce the allergic reactions. It worked for awhile.

Then, my sister in law (the mother) took my niece to see a skin specialist. All this while she has always taken her to child specialists, until a friend of hers introduced her to this doctor at Taman Segar. He told her that this might be due to the diet she took when she was pregnant. The culprits identified: fresh milk and mangoes. Yes, of all things, mangoes, the fruit, may be a cause to this hypersensitive skin problem. He promptly gave her a list of things that the daughter must avoid to prevent repercussions.

He also gave her some medication which I think could be steroids that may help reduce the rashes. She is also advised to reduce the use of soap when she bathes her daughter (warm water will do) and the lotions she use on her daughter’s skin must be for sensitive skin. This lotion is available at pharmacies, although a it is advisable to get a prescription for it first.

Since my sister in law has just started this this past weekend, we shall see if my niece’s condition recovers or not.

Strangely enough, this also happened to the daughters of one ex-colleague of mine, who has two daughters and one son. Both daughters suffer from eczema, the older one until she was 7 months old and the younger one, having a worse case, still suffers occasional bouts of rashes and itchiness whenever she takes the wrong food.

The son does not exhibit any such conditions and has shown no clear signs of having any allergies at the moment. I sincerely hope it stays that way.

So if you hear of old wives’ tales that you should not eat certain foods during pregnancy, take heed. You need not follow through with all of them, but take most in moderation instead of submitting all out to the cravings. It’s true that you are what you eat, but in this case your baby becomes whatever it is that you eat during pregnancy.


Disclaimer: I usually suggest to friends of mine to seek second opinions from physicians and specialists, when dealing with issues regarding the health of children. As such, I also ask that you do your own research, ask around and consult your physicians before making any decisions based on what you read here. This is as much a disclaimer as it is a point to ensure that whatever decisions you make for our children is made from an educated standpoint. Make well-informed decisions for your child.

WHAT IS AN ECTOPIC PREGNANCY?

The office was supposed to be surprised by good news of a colleague just conceiving. However, after several agonizing visits to the doctor’s, my colleague was given the sad news that she may not be able to keep the baby. The final results are to come out in two days' time but essentially, the problem is that she has conceived, but the embryo is not at the right place.

This is known as an ectopic pregnancy.

An ectopic pregnancy occurs when an implantation has occurred but not on the uterine wall. This means that it could be anywhere else, in the Fallopian tube, in the ovary or even in the abdomen. An ectopic pregnancy usually will self-abort, in the form of a miscarriage due to the embryo not receiving a sufficient supply of blood, which it would have found had it been implanted on the uterine wall.

Tubal abortions may go unnoticed and can be left untreated. However, some ectopic pregnancies may cause ruptures in the Fallopian tubes and cause pain in the abdomen or vaginal bleeding. Excessive bleeding may endanger the mother’s life and the mother should seek medical attention immediately.

In my colleague’s case, the embryo is in around its 4th week. She has a history of irregular menstrual periods. Her last one was three month’s back.

When the doctor told her the possibility of her not being able to keep the baby, she was extremely sad. She sought medical opinions from two other doctors but they all told her the same story.

This is what the embryo would have looked like in another 4 weeks.

Early on in my pregnancy before it was confirmed I was experiencing pain in my left abdomen. I was 6 weeks pregnant at the time and my menstrual period was 12 days late. I had the feeling that I was pregnant although I didn’t act on the instinct by checking myself with a pregnancy kit or taking better care of my diet and drinking less coffee. I felt that I was already carrying a baby but I never dreamt that the feeling could be true.

If it wasn’t for that abdominal pain, I wouldn’t have read up on ectopic pregnancies or gone to see the doctor. Turns out, it was just gas, something I suffered severely from throughout the 9 months of pregnancy. Still, this experience carried two lessons: that you should always listen to your body and that you should always visit the doctor when your body tells you to.

Getting pregnant: It's not as easy as it sounds.

I was talking to a colleague yesterday. In my job, there are only three kinds of editors in the academic line: the Science geeks, the sastera or literature geeks and the Maths geeks. Okay, geek is a strong word... but it summarizes how we are in each field/subject.

My colleague is in the Maths category and so she is good with numbers but a dunce in everything general, worldly or scientific. As she only worked with the company for a year, she is relatively a newbie in the working world, hasn't gotten her own car or house yet, has not got married and has not started thinking about having kids. 

My discussions with her are usually one-way: me dispensing geeky information and she, absorbing it. Which is a good combo as I like dispensing and she likes absorbing. 

Our topic for yesterday: how easy is it to get pregnant?

Despite the many times you've heard a couple getting pregnant 'accidentally' (unplanned), a pregnancy is not as easy to come by as one might think. There are so many obstacles to this process of making a new individual out of two cells an ovum and a sperm. I promise you this explanation is child-safe and good to know if you want to or do not want to get pregnant in the short run.

There are several obstacles preventing a fertile healthy woman from getting pregnant.

Obstacle 1: Timing

You know that 'golden' time of the month that women have... yeah, the time when she is most fertile. It is in a small window of three days only around Day 14 to Day 17 of her menstrual cycle. Ok, before I lose you there, here are some basic information you may need. 

A menstrual cycle is calculated based on the fact that the first day you menstruate is Day 1. If your menstrual lasts for 7 days, then your fertile period would be another 7 days after the last day of your menstruation period. Now that we are clear on that... If a couple is to engage in sexual activity within those three days, it is highly likely that the sperm cell can meet the ovum. For some women it is a 5-day window. Results may vary.

Obstacle 2: Which way?

The good news is a normal woman has 2 ovaries and 2 fallopian tubes. The bad news is only one ovary will release one egg every month. There is no telling which ovaries will do the releasing every month and it is not like they take turns and alternate without fail. If the sperm cells were to take the wrong turn then they made the journey for nothing. Sorry, mates.

Then again there are millions of mates to ensure that they can always divide and conquer both ovaries. And as all textbooks tell you, only one will be rewarded for the journey. This is what they claim 'the strongest and fittest cell amongst the millions of others to survive the journey and be rewarded with fertilisation.'

Obstacle 3: Divide and conquer

Once the sperm cell meets the ovum and fertilization occurs, a zygote is form. This is a single cell which will eventually divide into two cells, then four then eight and continue exponentially until a blastomere is formed. As long as there is division, there is hope. If division stops, then no new individual will form. This is also the stage which determines whether there will be only one baby, two babies or more.

Obstacle 4: Making connections

The blastomere will make its way along the fallopian tube and by the time it exits the fallopian tube, it will turn into a blastocyst. It must then embed itself on the uterine wall where the placenta and the umbilical cord will form. Implantations that occur outside of the uterus, for instance, in the fallopian tube, are known as ectopic pregnancies. These pregnancies may pose an element of danger to the mother and the developing foetus.

Obstacle 5: 10 months when anything can go wrong

A baby develops from a single cell over a period of 40 weeks which is actually 10 months instead of nine. In the medical field, those 40 weeks are divided into three trimesters. The embryo is most fragile in the first trimester, partly because most women do not know that they are pregnant until the embryo is entering its second month. The second trimester is when most of the basic structures develop and the third trimester is when the babies put on weight. This would explain why babies on average only weight 1.5 kg in the womb in the 7th month of pregnancy. Their weights can balloon up til 3 or 4 kgs by the time they leave the womb.

The mother is constantly tired as her baby acts like a parasite, sucking up nutrients (like calcium from bones) and causing discomfort to the mother by way of a tummy that gets so big, it gets in the way of everything. She must be careful not to fall, have her tummy hit or injured in anyway that could harm the baby inside. She is also prone to many diseases like diabetes or high blood pressure during her pregnancy. This is hazardous to the mother and the baby though the condition can still be controlled through diet or with medication.

During this period it is also very important for the mother to keepsafe herself and her baby physically and in the form of her food, or more precisely, her nutrient intake. Having an overweight baby could cause the baby's heart to stop, although why this happen, scientists have yet to discover. In other cases, the embryo may not develop correctly and halfway through the pregnancy, be discovered as a lump of flesh only. Babies may also have a hard time gaining weight during the third trimester for reasons unknown and while the mother keeps putting on the pounds, they hover at the slightly below 3 kg range until they get delivered. 

Heavier babies are also harder to deliver although smaller babies may also cause complications during labour due to being in a breech position (standing upright instead of the preferred bottoms up!). A baby may also have the umbilical cord tight around their necks which prompts a C-section instead of a normal delivery. 

And those are just some of the things that can go wrong.

Obstacle 6: Going through the whole 10 months willingly 

Knowing Obstacle 5, you can be sure many women are reluctant to go through a pregnancy, as so many things can go wrong. Apart from those listed, there are other symptoms that affect the pregnant mother. Some mothers develop gestational diabetes during the pregnancy which goes away by itself after labour; me included. This is due to the changes in the mother's hormone levels during the pregnancy. Other symptoms may include bleeding gums, pigmentation on the face, underarms and other parts of the body, nausea and constant wretching known as 'morning sickness'  though it happens throughout the day (and at night), constant lethargy and itchiness as well as rashes on the thighs, stomach or the back. The constant throwing up is enough to make one give up.

So how is it that there are 6 billion people in the world today? That means that there were 6 billion pregnancies that had overcome all the obstacles above; statements of human perseverance overcoming the insurmountable. Plus, women get angry easily but they forget just as easily too. That is why we are the sex that was given the task of bringing life into the world. 

Be proud to be women. 

Be proud to be mothers.

How to know if you're pregnant (additional symptoms)

This topic suddenly came to mind today (actually two days ago but I couldn't find time to finish this post, so ... play along). I can't remember what initiated the thought but it is something that interests many people (many of them young, some probably too young) and is interesting to write.

So, here goes.

The usual symptoms of pregnancy: nausea, unexplainable weight gain or weight loss, a change in appetite, an increased sense of smell, getting emotional very quickly, pain at the breasts. I get some of them, and a few other Internet-unlisted symptoms as well.

The usual suspects:
Nausea
I had nausea after I found out I was pregnant but not before. It lasted until the 4th month. My grandma, a lady of about 70 plus and mother of 6, said that pregnant women get nausea for either 4 weeks, 4 months or the whole pregnancy. So if by the 4th month your nausea has not alleviate... I feel so sorry for you. Take more assam or dried orange peel.

Change in appetite
This particular part for most women was not forced. For me, a person who dislike and at all costs avoid bread, and cannot naturally take milk without running to the toilet, I had to depend on bread and milk for the in-between meals (I had like 6 meals in a day, big, small, etc) and I'd just like to say that the amount of bread and milk I took during my pregnancy was more than the total amount of bread and milk I've had in my whole life. I've gone off bread. But milk, milk I'm keeping.

Canine-level smelling abilities.
Okay maybe I can't sniff out narcotics at the airport yet but yes, my sense of smell had strengthened during my pregnancy, which lead to me eating more or sometimes less of certain foods, depending on my level of acceptance of the smell of those foodstuff.

etcetera, other boring usual symptoms you can find on the Internet, etcetera...

...and then there was...

Wow, I didn't see that coming:
Fatigue
The most evident symptom is that I find it hard to get up in the mornings to get to work. Other words for it would be lethargy, exhaustion, fatigue. Big words but they all mean one thing, I am tired and unexplainably so. I can get 10 hours of sleep and still can't lift an eyelid the next morning. I didn't think much of it at the time but later on I found out that a colleague of mine found it hard to even go up and down a flight of steps at the office. I go up 3 flights every day to get to work and to go home and numerous more while at work but I didn't feel as tired as she did. So, this particular symptom is different for every individual.

The sweet smell of.. what?
Urine. Yes, my urine smelt sweet. It wasn't the nice honey kind of smell. It was the oh my god am I diabetic kind of, worrying type of, smell. I didn't take a sample and put it up close to my nose. I just smelt it after every time I'm in the toilet. It is that evident. I've not heard anyone else talked about this particular symptom, so it's kinda subtle. Or maybe I'm just paranoid.

Hard to lose weight
I also found that I've been gaining weight around the hip area before my pregnancy, and the weight is getting hard to come off. I would reduce my calorie intake but the weight does not come off as easily as it used to. It was as if my body was prepping me for pregnancy. This particular symptom is evident for all mothers after they gave birth so either I'm weird or I'm paranoid.

Abdominal pain
This, I found out later on, was due to me having a intestinal gas problem which was aggravated by my pregnancy. It was the nailing point of my suspicions of being pregnant, and it was the reason I got myself to clinic to get myself checked. I was worried it was going to be an ectopic pregnancy, something my husband didn't know and so grudgingly followed me to the clinic to get my woman problem checked. You can be sure we had different reactions to the results of the pregnancy test conducted by the clinic.

Forgetfulness
I don't know how, I don't know why... but I forget things during my pregnancy. Things that should not have been in the Just forget it list. Some of my colleagues share this symptom and attributed it to losing body mass to the baby growing inside the womb but I think just taking it easy due to the pregnancy was the main culprit.

But all this.. is just me.

The best way to know for sure if you are pregnant is to take a pregnancy test or go see a doctor. A pregnancy is a very important event in a person's life and I don't know about those who deliver the baby themselves then throw their newborn in a ditch or a dumpster or God knows where, but once you have held that 9-month creation of yours in your arms, you feel things inside of you that you never thought you'd feel.. and a lot of things that other people have told you before will start to make sense. Yes, it is a life changing experience partially in that sense. Apart from that, you have someone you can call your own. Just be prepared for the sleepless nights and the sacrifices you have to make. And if you aren't ready to take responsibilities as heavy as a child in your name, don't have unprotected sex.

April 28th

So her crib is set, her items are all washed and prepared for use, all her aunts and uncles have been given promises that they will be the first to receive photos of her and news of her mother, and basically we're good to go. In the meantime, I still have 15 hours of freedom to my husband and I, after which, we will be relinquishing to Eva... for the rest of our lives. hehe..

Having kids is not for the weak-hearted, the reluctant, the fickle-minded and the free. There is a lot to do, to sacrifice, to give up, to go through but it is a learning experience for us all. I mean, of all the work or jobs in the world, being parents require no prerequisites or qualifications and you don't really have to go through a screening to be well on the way to be the guardians of your own flesh and blood. Just about anyone can be a parent, biologically speaking. But to be good parents, that's very subjective.

It is a life-long test that most of us are put through on a daily basis, cause once you start, you never get hand in a resignation.

Pregnancy woes: What do I do about...

Here are some of the ways I worked around the problems I faced during my pregnancy. It may or may not work for you but heck, it doesn't hurt to share...

What do I about...
1. Leg cramps:
To prevent it, trying wearing socks to sleep. Caution: do not use tight socks if you have severe oedema (or swelling of the feet and ankles, you have been warned.) It's best to use socks that are about 1 or 2 sizes bigger than your feet (use your hubby's or partner's with no promises to return them intact).

2. Nausea
Some say to take assam or sour plums (or other form of soury stuff) but it is best to avoid pineapples throughout the whole pregnancy for fear of miscarriage. Don't quote me on that, but this is one theory I ain't testing.

Also, the taste of sweet beverages or food with heavy tastes will linger in the mouth longer than usual, so rinse your mouth after every meal to get rid of the taste. I had nausea between the 2nd month until my 4th month.

A colleague of mine even joked that if you suspect that you are pregnant, do not confirm it until you are into your 3rd month, because once you know you are pregnant, all the problems come. Strangely enough, I agree with her.

3. Putting on pants during pregnancy
It will get harder to put on underwear and pants as you get along in your second or third trimesters. You will find lifting your feet just to shift something on the floor to the side, a big chore. And don't get me started on the ligament pains (you will feel them on your tummy where it meets your thighs).

And so to get through this, wear maternity dresses or when you put on pants, sit at the side of your bed put both your legs through the holes of the pants then lie down, lift your hips to pull the pants up and try to scramble back to an upright position.

Good luck!

4. Lower back pains.
Get those really comfy but firm pillows and place them on your lower back or on your back below the shoulder blades to pop you up on an upright position when you are sitting down. Do not bend too much or lift heavy things anymore. Take calcium supplementary pills or drink more milk to give more strength to your weary bones. It is best to do it before the pain starts so you won't have to go through the pain.

5. Fatigue
Rest, rest and rest. People tend to forget that you are pregnant during your first trimester, because in fact, you don't really 'show' until the fifth month or so, particularly if it is your first baby. Or maybe you just haven't told anyone you are pregnant.

Either way, if you are tired, relax a little, and take a rest. Your body is providing for two individuals now and believe me, the other person is taking in more than what your own body is taking in.

In the later trimesters, sleep whenever you can (when the brat is sleeping and not kicking you inside out)

6. Swollen feet and hands
First, the swollen feet. Doctors will tell you to put your feet up high. My dad says to put it higher than your head. Another doctor tells me to go shopping more. The idea is to move around more to get the circulation in your feet moving so the 'water' does not 'collect' or pool near the bottom of your body (where the feet is).

None of those worked for me. My only remedy is my husband, his hands and a nice massage and steady light punching of the soles of the feet. Works like a charm every time.

As for the hands, when you sleep too long on one side of your body, blood circulation is kinda blocked and therefore your hands may feel numb and won't be as responsive in the morning. Do not panic, just clench your fists for five seconds, then let go, stretch them all out for five more, and repeat. Once you get your senses back into your hands clench and stretch your fingers periodically until the swelling subsides.

If you are a heavy user of the keyboard like I am, take breaks. Plus, you are prone to carpal tunnel syndrome because of the swelling near the wrists, so take it easy. Oh, and it is best to put away your wedding ring some time in the 2nd trimesters or you may have to chainsaw through your finger. What? It's your wedding ring! The finger will grow back.

7. Stretchmarks

Unfortunately, you can't do anything about stretchmarks. Creams and lotions do not help. Don't believe what they tell you. They only help with the itching so baby oil works as well. Stretchmarks are bound to happen but they worsen if you gain weight too fast in a short period of time. So watch your weight during the whole 9 months. Do not go on a diet! If you are still thinking about dieting, you will get stretchmarks and unsightly broken vessels popping up near your thighs.

8. Wind

No, not the windy beaches kind of wind, the other one. The evil kind. Otherwise known as gas, wind is second nature to pregnant moms and we don't like 'em.

To prevent them, avoid bean sprouts, onions, kangkung, spicy food if you are not used to them and other types of food such as cheese/coffee/milk/curry/etc that give you wind, pre-pregnancy. Believe me, the effects are aggravated during pregnancy.

To get rid of wind, ah.. this part will be a bit gross but when you're desperate... Lie down on a flat surface, lie down to one side (e.g. left side), this will put the weight off your gastro tract and 'things will slide' through more easily. You will pass gas. Then, lie down on the other side (e.g. right side) and you will pass more gas. Repeat step 1 and 2 until you feel better. At times in the middle of the night if the pain is unbearable, you may need to sit up to make room for the gas to make its way down the gastro tract. Don't worry, this is not permanent and as long as you take care of your diet, it will not be a main problem.

9. Depression and regrets over pregnancy

Everyone has their moments. It is nothing to be ashamed about. We are not built to adapt to such major changes to our bodies and our lives over such a short period of time, and sometimes without warning.

So when you get depressed about it, stop and think: This is a gift and a privilege bestowed upon your life. Think about the many couples out there who are missing out on this, or those who weren't given the chance to have a complete family like you will get at the end of your pregnancy.

If you are the kind who resent men because they get the 'easier' way out, ask yourself why women have to go through the torture of pregnancy and the agony of labour.

Because we can take it.

We will whine about it, complain about it, cry about it, but we can take it. Men go into panic mode if they can't find the remote control. Would you want someone like that to be carrying your baby for 9 months?

Okay, jokes aside, women are more adapted to give life to this world because
1. we get to cry without being laughed at (hey, you try going through labour without shedding a tear)
2. we have instincts when something goes bad. Men aren't built to follow instincts, they follow instructions through and through and are left with extra parts at the end of the assembling process.
3. we become mothers and martyrs once we have kids. Save the baby, save the baby. (either that or I've watched too much tv).
4. we have the most amazing organ in the world: uterus. From the size of a pear, it will expand over 9 months to house a 3-kg or 8-lb baby (on average) with a maximum capacity to house 8 babies (the record so far) and at the end of it all, it will shrink back to the size of a pear. Take that, you eye pupil.
5. we are very supportive of our own kind.

I can go on forever but a few things are for sure, we do this with the child ending up carrying the father's surname, we having to consent to the father's weird ideas for baby names at the very last minute, and having to accept the fact that while we tear our lower bodies apart to become a mother, men hold on to your hand and the videocam, and at the end of the day smoke cigars and say "I am a father!"

And we're cool with that. Go mommies!

Checkups and Delivery

If you live near the Cheras or Kajang area, is expecting or delivering soon and you need information on where to go to for regular checkups or for your big day itself, then read on. If you're not, skip this.

Where to go for confirmation of pregnancy:
I'd suggest using a pregnancy test kit first. But in my case, I got news of my confirmed pregnancy at a normal polyclinic. The doctor gave me folic acid and... that was it. After that, my shocked husband made me get two pregnancy test kits just to confirm that I am pregnant. Ya, we did it the other way around.
But just so you know, doctors also use the pregnancy test kits to tell if you are pregnant or not.

Where to go for antenatal checkups:
Even then, I had heard about Britannia Kajang and strangely enough there was a newly opened branch near Damai Perdana, Cheras, about ten minutes from where I live. This is what their 'zhao pai' or clinic logo looks like:

My doctor throughout my whole pregnancy was Dr Yap. Nice lady, very informative and very caring doctor. Even my husband who is picky about a lot of decisions I make, approve of her professionalism when tending to my pregnancy. There are two other lady doctors there. I've met all three of them. They're all nice, don't worry.

Or else you can always go to Britannia Kajang (in Taman Kajang Sentral) which is situated between the toll plaza for Jalan Reko and the other one that goes to Semenyih. It is quite hard to tell you how to get there. If I have the time and energy for it, I'd put up a map to show you. But I have to warn you, it is quite a wait to see either Dr Tan or Dr Khoo who works there. Just shows how famous the place is.

Update: Here's the promised map. I really have too much free time. I'm a fan of MSWord so most of my drawings are done there. Pls ignore the squiggly lines that shows how annoying the spellchecker can be in Malaysian context.
Next: How much you will be forking out to deliver your baby safely.
As of 2009 April, for a normal delivery package, Brit Kjg charges around RM1900 for 2D1N, whereas for a C-sec (that's surgery for you newbies), it's around RM4100 for 3D2N. It is a package 'deal' and you can upgrade your bed or rooms accordingly if you like some privacy or the privilege to hold your own TV remote control.
A note of caution: Consumables will be charged accordingly since the package includes a limited number of sanitary pads, diapers and milk powder, so be sure to have your own stash ready in the days you are still at the centre. It will cost a bit more than what you can get them for outside.

Ok, for alternatives, you can always go to HUKM. Here is the map below:
You can always google it... because that's how I found the map anyways.

What they don't tell you is that there is a specialist centre at the seventh floor of HUKM which is part-govt, part-private. They tend to a lot of cases which includes O & G: the O stands for the word I can never spell correctly but means care for pregnancy and children. We actually got introduced to this place by the owner of the optical store my husband went to to get his first pair of glasses. He gave us the impression that the place costs less than Britannia Kajang.

Not true.

A normal delivery at HUKM SC costs RM500 and a Csec costs RM2300. (I hear you say, eh, you say not true that they cost less?)
~ There are other charges for the labour room (RM150, RM50 2nd hr onwards) / Operating theatre (RM500, RM300 2nd hr onwards),
~ Epidural shot - which is like the painkiller for moms-to-be (RM400).
~ The rooms range between RM125/day for 2-bedded (that means u hv a fren to talk to about the pain you both went thru) to a VIP suite at RM520/day (I think their TV bigger inci la) and
~ disposable items and medicine will be charged as per item used.
~ Oh, and the nursery also costs RM50 per day.
The only consolation is that if all does not go well and you need the use of incubators or for the baby to stay longer in hospital (believe me, it happens) at least they can shift you to the general hospital, where it is more affordable.

Anyways, the cost is more or less the same, with more doctors to choose from, but the waiting list is quite long, so make an appointment early, like 2 or 3 months before your due date, so they can slot you in 1 or 1.5 months before your due date to talk to the doctor who will be delivering your baby.

My choice was to be Britannia Kajang because they are closer to where I stay, my husband can go back and forth as required and I need not walk for miles to get to the HUKM SC unit (yes it is quite a walk, like as though you can never reach it) and I prefer a setting where there aren't hundreds of people who as miserable like me moving about in the immediate radius of 2 km from where I am. You can tell I was never to be a doctor and so I am not.

There are other places that you can go to like government hospitals such as Hospital Putrajaya, Hospital Serdang, HUKM itself, SJMC, the list goes on... But just get yourself a good doctor and you will be fine.

-----
Disclaimer: I wrote this because these were information that I was looking for but were unable to find. And if I was looking, other people would be looking too. I cannot be held responsible for the accuracy of the information shared here nor would I take credit for any good that comes of this article. It's pure trial-and-error research. Just hoped that I had provided some assistance to those who needed it in the first place.
Congratulations if you are expecting and best of luck to you if you are delivering soon. Muaxxx...


Update: Here is the wikimapia map to Britannia's Cheras branch. It is easier to get to than the one in Kajang, hence I did not make a map for it. If you have GPS, you can get the coordinates from googlemaps. If you don't... you can always:

1 Follow the Pustaka Rakyat bookstore signboard to get to Pustaka Rakyat. Next to Pustaka Rakyat is the Bandar Damai Perdana Balai Polis. The station is on one end of the whole shoplot. Britannia is on the other end.

2 Find SJKC Connaught 2. It's in the same vicinity.

3 Find Nyonya Kopitiam. It's two blocks behind Nyonya Kopitiam.

Good luck finding the place and good luck with the pregnancy.

36th week scan

Officially 9 months pregnant now.
The waiting game begins.
And by the way, happy swollen feet day (isn't it every day?)The photo doesn't look clear enough but the design of the shoe I was wearing was imprinted on the top of my feet. Will try to get better photos to show you what I mean.
On another note, the one on the left is not pregnant but he is still going to be a parent soon. Lucky devil.

Pregnancy

Perhaps I have been overindulging myself with this blog-writing thing. I should at least share some useful information with people who accidentally stumbles by and who happens to have a bad connection and therefore cannot maneuver away from this page. So here's to yous.

If you are thinking of getting pregnant, has just found out from the doctor that you are pregnant or is already halfway through before you bumped into this page, then this will help waste your time.

First: when you are pregnant, and if you are not in the lucky bunch, you will experience:
1 nausea
2 lower back pains
3 weird moments of fatigue (it's fah-teeg, not fa-tee-giu) like the moment you wake up, or when you are driving during your 45-minute trip to the office.
4 moments of depression and plenty of mood swings
5 constant badgering by well-wishers who come up with a lot of BS about what you can or cannot take. It's worst if you are Chinese. Yes, worst, I tells ya!

6 changes to your sense of smell. Your most underutilized sensory organ will become the only sensory organ you will pay attention to for the first three months. Everything smells so good (or so bad) even from a MILE away.
7 sweaty palms and soles
8 swollen feet and ankles, enuf said
9 weight gain, stretchmarks (believe me, they are there, they just aren't coming out yet but they will be there. No, lotion and cream, they do not help.), broken blood vessels, hemmorrhoids (after you deliver naturally)
10 how penguins walk (for the whole 9 months)


The good news are (yes, there is more than one piece of good news):
1 you save on tampons and sanitary napkins for a good 9 months
2 you have a good conversation starter
3 your family will pay more attention to you, either in the "well it's about time..." or "oh my god, what have you done?". Either way, ya, they're there for you.
4 people let you get away with things more. especially when your tummy is bigger than their head.

But all in all, it is a torturous journey to take on your own so better get that support group ready, in case your husband/boyfriend/partner decides to freak out and make like a tree.

Saturday Visit

Going to the doctor's this Saturday to determine when Eva is coming out to join the rest of the world. My palms and soles are starting to sweat and my hands are swelling more often now, although they don't last as long as the swelling of my feet does.

My feet stays swollen all the time. Been this way since the 5th or 6th month of my pregnancy.

My doctor tells me that it could be due to a high blood pressure although it could also mean that my thyroid gland is going into overdrive, temporarily. Everything will get back to normal after I deliver. I hope.

The moment they find protein in my urine, that's when Eva is coming out. Good luck to me. Sigh...

To think I have to go through this again to get a son for my husband. He better deserve it.

So much crap to do

I don't usually leave things to the last minute. Okay, sometimes I do but usually it will be finished in time. Eva is testing that part of me now.

First of all, I gave myself leeway of about a week. Which means I bought the airfare for my in laws, to arrive a week before my due date. Just in case.

Then my doctor told me that it was to become 2 weeks before my due date. Which gave me a headache... because:

1 All my stuff at work - I've planned until only a week before and since I will be working until 4 days before my due date (one labour day and two weekend holidays), most of my work will be done 3 days before I take my leave. NOT anymore.

2 I am not getting a confinement lady because my sister in law and mother in law are coming over to help out. There are two pregnant ladies in this household: my other sister in law being the other 'lucky' lady. She's expecting a girl too... *claps with glee*.

But this means that if Eva comes early, my husband and I, we're on our own. And a newborn is not something you can try to work around.

3 Most of my preparations are planned down to each day. This includes washing baby clothes and napkins, buying all the small items like powder and teats and watchamacallits, getting the baby cot ready, putting away my stuff to make room for baby stuff, stuff at work, schedules at work, procedures at work, etcetela, etcetera, etcetewa... There is an amazing amount of crap to do before a baby comes, you know?

Crap. Now' i'm beginning to worry.

Labour pains

I'm in Week 36 and I've partially packed for the run to the hospital in case Eva decides to pop 'out' earlier than expected. Strange how things you plan may not go as planned in the end. Ah, that's life, and the essence of what this blog is about...

Anyways, I had my first Braxton-Hicks contractions last week. It hurt more than I had expected, mainly because they said it sorta feels like menstrual cramps or menstrual pain. I grew up with menstrual pain.

That was not like menstrual pain.

Braxton-Hicks contractions feel are also known as false labour pains, because yes, they feel like labour pain but they do not signify real labour. In short, the baby is not coming out yet. What you should feel, according to my doctor, was:

"A sensation that starts from the top of your belly, contracting downwards towards your groin (the whole of your uterus contracting lah tu)."

You should time your contractions from the beginning of each contraction. The intervals will get shorter between each contractions and by the time they are 5 to 10 minutes apart, you know you should get a move on. Especially if the hospital or your place of delivery is quite a distance away. Mine is about 20 mins away and through 2 plaza tolls, RM1 each.

I got my Touch and Go ready last Friday. Just in case.