PATIENCE IS VIRTUE WITH KIDS

If you do not have the patience to deal with a child, make it.

Yes, make patience, form it, develop it, rough it out. No matter how hard it is going to be for you, you really need to be patient with your children especially during their pre-vocab periods.

Here are three instances when I took the time to really try to understand my child (who turns two at the end of April) rather than lose my temper with her and it solved every mystery!

(A) Mystery #1: A squinting matter

Eva has been watching TV really close up lately. I did not understand why she had to do that every single time her favourite programmes were on. Was it because she wants to be upclose and personal with her favourite characters? Does she have eyesight problems? Hearing problems? 

We had several screaming matches because of it (she was the one screaming most of the time): "Sofa, Eva. Go sit at the sofa. Please don't watch TV so upclose. You will be wearing glasses by kindergarden." "kappa kappa nehno nah? NO!!!!" 

Sigh.

Apparently the real answer was revealed only when I took the time to sit down with her and watch a show, this time it was Mickey Mouse Clubhouse (highly recommended for toddlers).

  

The sofa is a good six to eight feet away from the TV. The discrepancy is due to the sofa being shifted front and back as it is not propped up against a wall. Up above, we installed a false panel with six appropriately placed lights to evenly light up the living room. It was eventually identified as the culprit to her fascination with the TV in close vicinity. 

The lights were making it difficult for her to see the TV screen! Even I was having a hard time absorbing the bright colours of the show AND the lights positioned at the two corners of my eyes. Ever since I swapped the lights for a row of lights shining behind the sofa (as opposed to in front of the sofa), she has kept herself to the middle of the living room or right at the far end where the sofa is. 

(B) Mystery #2: Scary doors

Eva was making a fuss of sleeping by herself, as in without me sitting right next to her and doing nothing but watch her drift into dreamland - it was unusual to say the least. She would be frightened (hands tapping on her chest and saying "pa pa" which was the signal for being scared) to be in our bedroom, with the lights out or with the door closed. Now before you freak yourself out with stories of the paranormal, believe me, the real answer was far from that.

I had just submitted a project within its deadline and found some time (and the need!) to take a nap. Hence, I took one, with Eva, on our bed. Suddenly I heard thumping noises coming from the attached bathroom. The noises were caused by the low pressure inside the bathroom, where we kept two bathroom windows slightly opened to clear the air of fumes and other odors, when it gets windy around our condo. 

Eva immediately sat up and did the pa pa signal and I figured out that it was the noises from the bathroom door that caused all that fear of taking naps during the afternoon. I put a piece of towel or cloth to stop the door from shutting and the noise were also muffled.

Eva slept really well after that.

(C) Mystery #3: Playing with water

Eva was really testing me the last three days during bath time. She refuses to let me wash her hair, or dry it afterwards. She also refuses to leave the bathroom after we were done with her bath. Lastly, she kept playing with the water that was rushing towards the drainage pipe, dirty water that were cleansed off her body and hair. 

She would cry and throw tantrums in front of the bathroom for a long time, half an hour of pure screaming and never-ending tears. When I finally couldn't take it, I let her dad take over the bathing for awhile, which he did, without a single tear from Eva. 

As I observed the way he did it, I figured that we both had different approaches to giving Eva her bath. Mine was quick and easy, minimizing the use of water and getting her out as quick as possible so that she won't catch a cold. His was a lingering time in the bathtub with a lot of fun and plenty of time for him to dry her hair properly before she leaves warmth of the bathroom.

While both our methods had its strengths and weaknesses, Eva obviously prefers her dad's more fun bathing methods and therefore throws tantrums whenever I don't follow his method. I also had to explain to my husband why I don't want to. "What if we had to take baths at other places for example, like our parent's houses, where there are no bathtubs? And what do you think about using so much of their water for a simple bath for a toddler?" His response: "We can always use the basins to wash clothes in" and "Why won't they let a toddler take a fun bath?" 

The jury is still out on that but that's another story altogether.

So if your toddler is giving you a hard time, throwing tantrums left right and centre, take a few minutes out of your busy schedule and just sit down with them or go through the process together with them, view things from their perspective, and you might be able to put these tantrums to rest in no time. 

best of luck! - Mama Sing.

WORKING FROM HOME: A SERIOUS MATTER

It has always been a dream for me to be able to work from home, for a few reasons. 
A. I get to accompany my husband, who has been working from home for an employer who is in the United States. 
B. I get to spend more time with my daughter, and mould her into the minion that I want her to be (buahahahhaa)
C. I get to learn to become a better cook.
D. I don't have to waste my time, or waste away my health by dealing with the horrible process of commuting to work. and lastly...
E. No office politics (yay!)

However, little did I know that working from home would come with a full set of new problems that would make one want to throw in the towel within the first two weeks alone. Here's what happened:

I quit my previous job in late 2010 and found myself in a new home, in new surroundings and a ton of creases that needs stomping out. Basically, I got my own home already (hurray!) - which practically came without an internet connection or cable TV. We also had to start looking for new places to shop for raw materials, as well as new places to dine in, and let's not forget new recipes to apply to our daily makan routine.

Along the way, I was lucky to have been given several jobs by an ex-employer, on a freelance basis that pays alright for someone who doesn't have to step out of her house to get some dough. 

In the meantime, my daughter was trying to get used to having to face both her doting parents every single day, and by that I meant, she was trying to figure out what are the best ways to manipulate us into giving all that she wants. Oh.... I will count the ways. 

Needless to say, Havoc ruled the first three months I was here. 

But then... 

Things began to fall into place around chinese new year. 

For starters, my husband and I have established that we will share the household chores although he rules the kitchen more and I rule the washing machine more (no complaints there). We finally got our Unifi connection, 2Mbps (thank you)

As for being perfect parents, we are far from it, usually leaving Eva to the mercy of the idiot box (no complaints there either) until one night, she woke up at around 3.30am and asked (more like screamed) to watch Elmo. 

Her needy condition led to both her parents ending up in fights, arguments and tantrums (I don't wanna watch her, you watch her) and it had gotten so bad that one day I told my husband that I want to stop freelancing and just watch Eva, due to Fact 1: he is the breadwinner of the family and Fact 2: since I am without a stable income, whenever he is busy I HAVE to drop EVERYTHING to watch Eva... might as well make it permanent. 

That's when he came up with the idea of having the SCHEDULE.

The schedule

Eva sleeps at around 11pm at night (that's early for her) and will wake up between 10 am and 11.30 am. So my schedule turns out to be from 12pm to 6pm, after which her dad will take over from 6am until she goes to sleep. If you think that doesn't sound fair, Eva does take a two-hour nap at around 2pm to 4pm and while it is easier to let her nap, it is a whole other thing to get her to go to sleep at night. Initially, I was pleased with the arrangement, until I realised that by the time I am done looking after Eva at 6pm, it will be dinner time, and that coupled with a LONG day would make me too tired to do anything else. 

I struggled for about two weeks, before asking for a flip with my husband. Turns out the switch was useless since he takes some afternoons off to Skype with his employer in the U.S.

We reached a dead-end once again. So what happens next? My work got delayed pretty badly and it got me really worked up that I can't deliver as punctual as I used to no more. So what they hey, I'm already screwed, why not take this time to just hang out with my kid? And hung out I did, and I discovered something extraordinary.

They just want you to listen.

Maybe it's just Eva (who's barely 2), but I hope it's the same with all kids, but kids like her, all they really want is for you to just listen. Once they pass the 18-month mark, they undergo a sort of transformation that allows them to be self-conscious. They understand what they want and will demand for it and even though they can't talk, they will find other means to let you know they want that banana or more milk, or just an empty bowl to bang around for fun. And the magic happens when you stop and just listen to them. 

For example, I once asked Eva when she was around 19-mth old if she would want milk. She would stare at me like I'm a statue and then she would look to the side for something else to stare at, then look back at me and then nod. Eventually that nod evolved into repeating the word I use for milk "neh-neh" repeatly until I get it and start making her a bottle of milk. Later on, our conversation would become something like "Do you want milk/neh-neh?" Eva: "Neh-neh? Yao (I want)". Up until now she would say this, as if to confirm if I am offering her neh-neh (as opposed to biscuits or fruit or yogurt etc), and then saying "yao" I want or "bu yao: I don't want. 

Until early February, I've never realised what a connection Eva and I have established until her father got some time off to actually watch over her while I catch up with my work. He was having a rough time for a bit and had resorted to using the back of his hand to deliver messages to her daughter, like "time to take a bath", "do you want milk or not?", and "stop wriggling around and put your pajamas on" whereas when I take over from him I got her to do those things with less of a hassle on my part, and less of pain on her buttocks on her part. I told Eva's dad repeatedly to be gentle with her and to listen to her but I guess by that time Eva had decided that she could only trust one person, and I had the luck to be the one she chose to trust. 

Eva took full advantage of being the mama's girl, demanding things by doing what I ask her to do, up to a point where she is starting to show the effects of being over-pampered. When her grandfather came over to stay around two weeks ago, he confirmed this state of affairs by saying that she is a spoilt brat. So again we went all flexible with this parenting gig and started changing our modus operandi again. 
I introduce the clothes hanger.

To be continued...

AM I READY TO BE A PARENT?

If you are asking yourself this question now, chances are you're thinking about it, or you think that time is running out. Doesn't really matter whatever your actual reason is... if you are in your late 20s or early 30s, it's about time you start thinking about parenthood.

The Why
The why is almost as subjective as 'why do I love ice cream'? Personal preferences aside, here are some of the reasons why you are asking yourself if you are ready to be a parent.

1. Your friends are getting married or already posting their babies' 'fresh-out-of-the-oven' photos on facebook.

2. Your friends have started their one/two year hiatus from their usual 'social life' to deal with the needs of parenthood. They don't call it 'biting the dust' for no good reason.

3. You feel that your biological clock is ticking faster than you originally thought it would. Suddenly, 30 is too old an age to get pregnant.

4. Celebrities are already having babies left, right and centre. It was the latest trend two years ago but hey, if they're doing it...

5. You hear horror stories about how scary childbirth and pregnancy is the older you get. Check out my post on how not easy it is to get pregnant if you haven't already.

The impact (on your life)
Parenthood is not for the faint-hearted; no, seriously, I'm not kidding. It's also not for those who hasn't gotten over 'having a life'. With kids around, you don't get to sleep well, you keep looking at the time whenever you are out with friends, you pay through your nose to get someone else to watch over your kid, you worry whenever they do a bad job which would mean you need to look for a replacement; the list goes on... 4evar!

But as with the cons, there are pros too with parenthood. 

You learn to be more tolerant and patient with adults since you get all the practice when you deal with your kid(s). You grow up overnight, take on more responsibilities like cleaning their butts and having daily encounters with human excrements. You take better care of yourself so that you will be around longer to see your kids grow up, get married and have their own kids. You learn to love. You learn to forgive. When you do get some sleep, you sleep with a baby, like a baby. You become a more careful person, who plans ahead, who uses checklists, who drive within the speed limit, who buys stuff at a whim, who sheds the stress that you bring home from work the moment your kids call you mama or kisses you goodnight...

Simple pleasures of parenthood can easily outweigh the hardships. They are the reasons for siblings.

The how
Now, this part will need a little bit of education. No, not sex education. That part you already know from other parts of the Internet - we won't go there - but I'm talking more about knowing what you should prepare for before you get pregnant. 

You should be as healthy as possible at least a full year before getting pregnant. You should get your cycle straightened out and stabilised. You should stop smoking, drinking, taking drugs that are not prescribed by a doctor for an illness that could have been avoided, partying too late at night until you live on three hours of sleep daily (believe me you will get less in the first year you become a parent) and lastly you should be sure that your relationship with your partner is stable enough for the both of you to pull through the rough patches together. It is of course, easier said that done, but not necessarily undoable. Then again, if you are unwilling to give all that up, maybe parenthood is still not a zone you want to be in yet.

Lastly, the kids
They will be cheeky, naughty, mischievously fun, make you pull your hair one minute and then make you ooo and aaaa the next. They're wonderful creatures that absorb everything (good and bad) like a sponge and at times are a walking, talking mirror reflecting who you are without consciously faking it or disguising it. You'd be surprised what you see in their behaviour and their choice of words. You may not like it, but again it is a reminder of how you can change and try to be better. For what is the use of a parent, if not to guide children into society in the form of useful individuals who can and will do their part to help better the community for the greater good... or make bloody good ice cream. Yay!

Dream big!

HAVING HER SAY

Eva is now 14 and and three-quarter months' old. She can hold her own bottle, walk unaided, stand in a very stable manner, wave goodbye and understand that it means you are going away, and manage a few phrases like 'mam mam' for food, 'mm mm' for I need to do big biz (toilet style), 'bu yao' for I don't want (to), 'mei you' for don't have / don't want to, and my personal favourite 'Ah-pah!' for her dad. She refuses to acknowledge my position by name, preferring crying or screaming instead.

Just the other day, at 530 in the morning, she twitched in her sleep, then sat up and without opening her eyes said, 'Mummee, neneh!' translation: Mummy, I need food/milk! I immediately jumped into action and made her milk, which she just as quick finished before passing back the bottle to me, then flipped over to continue her beauty sleep.
I was left beaming with pride and a short bout of insomnia ensued until the next morning.

---

Today she showed me a new 'trick'. 

We went to a new Jusco which opened in the Sungai Long area. Having just received RM50 voucher from my workplace for 'good behaviour' [lol], I took Eva to the toy section to pick out a stuffed toy. She really did choose one of the toys based on her taste.
Mickey was more of a - hmm, it's okay although I wouldn't mind another type. Eeyore was a total no-no. She has enough Winnie the poohs at home, and piglet drew no response from her.

In the end, she opted for a weird-looking rat-slash-rabbit with dangerous-looking whiskers (told you it was weird), which I chose not to buy because... well, it looked weird what! 

On our way out of the store and back to the car park, she stopped by a DIY store where a row of odd-placed items sat near one of the display windows. There was a fortune cat on display - the type which has a solar-powered flipping arm that continues moving whether you like it or not. Eva stood near the window then waved back at the cat, then walked a few steps in front, slap herself onto the window display and kept pointing at the cat, to no one's attention in particular. She hardly noticed that I was there. After about two minutes, I grabbed her and left the place because ppl inside the store were looking and she kept turning back and pointing at the direction of the cat. 


It's going to be a long 18 years before she moves out on her own, but I'm looking forward to every minute of it!

SPANKING OR SPEAKING SOFTLY?

Eva was sick with the stomach flu two weeks ago. The flu bout lasted a good ten days and I was really drained of energy from what I can still safely call 'taking care' of her, although I didn't really do much. Her dad did most of it, including washing her butt six times a day during her diarrhea marathon. Yes, it was that bad. And no, I am not posting photos to prove it.

Anyways, Eva had fever, diarrhea (we covered that), was vomiting left, right and centre - including once when she vomited all over me and I had no choice but to hold on to her until she finished - was not eating because she had a bloated stomach and was crying and sleeping a lot. The flu also knocked out her dad for a day, he shared most of the same symptoms but recovered after sleeping through it for a full day.

Strangely enough, I just had an awfully busy weekend, working on both days, had achy feet, was suffering from pimples, stressed, lack of sleep, too much coffee and more stress after the event on the weekend and yet... I was fine throughout the whole bout.

... until Eva started demanding extra pampering. And demanded she did.

Constant criers are just asking for it, I say. 

I get it you know? That when babies are sick, they cry a lot.. a whole awful lot. But sometimes it was for no valid reason, they just want to get it out of their system, so when do I get it out of mine? I know it seems like a shallow thing to demand but even though I am a mother, I ain't a saint with an endless amount of patience. 

I let her be usually until she fully recovers; that's when my fuse gets incredibly shorter and to be honest, I blew up several times before I thought of writing this post. But to be clear, it is not because I am advocating the spanking process, in fact, it's the total opposite. At least with Eva, spanking does not work. She prefers the soft-spoken approach.

I spank, you spank, she got spanked

Everybody's happy.

Until she starts throwing a tantrum because we took away her toothbrush (she's going through a teeth-brushing addiction now, most of the time she just bites on the bristles) and she screams on and on and on, her feet kicking ferociously all over the place, she turns and squirms, rolls and wails like a troll, and she does the whole worship routine: while in a seating position she lets her body fall forward until her hands, arms, face, chest and tummy is touching the floor and she continues crying in the safety of er... the floor. *ahem* yes, it is a bit weird but she did it quite consistently so we knew that it was deliberate. Plus, she won't stop until either we give her something she wants (like the packaging box of a medicine tube that she likes to bite, or a toy that is already drowning in her saliva or something as simple as a thing that she can use to make loud noises with) or one of us smacks her. 

I smack her a lot. My heart pains everytime I do and the way she cries is like salt to the wound and she does it very very well. Ultimate guilt trap. So... I stopped. 

And it got to a point where one night I was super tired and decided to turn in early. Eva's dad had night's shift so to speak and Eva threw one of her tantrums only to find her thigh on the smacking end of her dad's palms. It wasn't even as hard as I usually do it, although I go for the spot with the most cushioning as a safety measure. Anyways, she did the whole guilt trap crying bit again and her dad temper was pushed to the brim and his patience meter is totally dried out.

I got up, grabbed Eva who was still crying her heart out and told her softly that she has to stop crying now or Daddy may smack her again. Didn't get her to stop, until I plugged in her pacifier. We all got some sleep, close to five hours' worth... then she woke up and continued sreaming. Her dad was still upset with her fit and so continued sleeping while I tried every method possible to figure out what she wanted. In the end, it was a small drink of water and her pacifier plugged into her mouth again. However, I did notice that she kept waking up in short intervals to check if I was there. 

The following day, she kept sitting close to me, won't let me leave her alone with her dad and she wasn't exactly speaking or responding to her dad the way she normally does. It's one of her main features; her grandma doesn't like it much, she calls it signs of spoilage... as in Eva has been spoiled by her parents, but I disagree. I think that since she looks up to her dad as her saviour everytime I smacked her, now that he has 'turned against her' she wanted him to know that he cannot do that to her without suffering some consequences. 

So the spanking worked for a bit, she did prefer to listen to reason when she found out that both her dad and her mother (me) would not hesitate to smack her if she doesn't behave herself.

Moral of the story is, go with what you think is the best way about this. Do not confine your teaching methods to books or website or even an elder's advice. It's your kid, it's your own flesh and blood, you will figure something out, and chances are, that is the best way for you to teach your kid the rights and wrongs of everything they do. 

Best of luck!

SEPARATION ANXIETY for parents

Okay, it has been a busy start to the new year but people need to eat and blogs need updating. And I found the perfect think to write about: Separation anxiety.

It's baby-related okay?

Anyways, once a baby starts recognizing people around her, like her mom, or pop, it will develop a sense of security and thus can sense when there is a lack of it. Hence, when the baby is around strangers or people that they do not know, they will cling on tighter to those that they do, suckle on the pacifier more frantically or try to not move as much as possible until a person that it is familiar with enters the room, upon which it will do whatever it takes to hitch a ride on that familiar person out of the room that is filled with strangers.

I had to learn about separation anxiety the hard way.

Yesterday Eva was taking her one-hour nap in the evening. Seeing as she has gone to sleep, I went off to take my evening bath. My husband is in another room, tapping away on his laptop, absorbed in work. When I was done, I heard the frantic crying of Eva from inside the room and rushed to her 'rescue'. Judging from the amount of teardrops pooled on her cheeks, she had been crying for a while. It was quite hard to get her to stop but eventually she did and she slept off the fatigue after a bottle of milk.

At 325 am last night she began crying again, this time for milk. I was too tired to get up and so my husband did, only to come back with water instead of milk. By that time, Eva had been crying too long that she refused the milk that I made after and would not, for the love of god, STOP crying. This continued for a good half hour. The father and I kept awake until we could get her to finally stop crying by giving her toys to play with and showing her colourful pictures on the PC. In the middle of the night. Yes. It was torture.

I was beginning to think that a bug might have bit her or she had an upset stomach but it wasn't any of that. It was due to separation anxiety, which I only found after my dinnertime just now, at the babysitter's place.

According to her, babies need a sense of security by the people they know. When you leave the room, they cry immediately or if they have a particular favourite, they would cling to that person regardless of who else was in the room. In my case, the first time I left her in the room crying cemented an idea that her crying will not get me in the room quick enough, and so she has to cry really long, hard and loud. Which was why the second crying session happened in the middle of the night.

Her advice? "If she makes a sound or two in the middle of the night, reassure her that you are around and that she can continue sleeping because you are there. If she returns to sleep, she just needs reassurance. If she stirs some more, she needs something, perhaps she is thirsty or hungry, or her diaper needs changing or she is warm and needs to be relocated."

She adds that "being a mother is a full time job where there is no one to listen to your complaints. You just gotta be there for your kids and be the one that they fully depend on until they grow up and leave the house."

So true.

THE LINK BETWEEN PREGNANCY DIETS AND BABY ALLERGIES

My niece was born 6 weeks after my daughter. She has a beautiful face, compared to my daughter’s but she is now suffering from a mild form of eczema, a skin condition also known as atopic dermatitis. It is a form of inherited allergy. In some cases, the eczema develops into asthma. Luckily, in my niece’s case, it is confined to dry skin and occasional rashes on her cheeks.

According to some sites like babycenter, the allergic reaction is triggered by allergens in the baby’s diet. If you breastfeed, the reaction may be triggered through the food you take, transferred to your baby through breast milk. The allergic reaction may also be exacerbated by irritants like soap, lotions and detergents, or even by heat.

Apart from the rashes and her dry skin, my niece also is easily irritable, does not sleep for long and cries a lot due to her skin problem. Thus, this takes a toll on the mother and the babysitter as well. The babysitter asks that the mother switch to a soy-based milk to reduce the allergic reactions. It worked for awhile.

Then, my sister in law (the mother) took my niece to see a skin specialist. All this while she has always taken her to child specialists, until a friend of hers introduced her to this doctor at Taman Segar. He told her that this might be due to the diet she took when she was pregnant. The culprits identified: fresh milk and mangoes. Yes, of all things, mangoes, the fruit, may be a cause to this hypersensitive skin problem. He promptly gave her a list of things that the daughter must avoid to prevent repercussions.

He also gave her some medication which I think could be steroids that may help reduce the rashes. She is also advised to reduce the use of soap when she bathes her daughter (warm water will do) and the lotions she use on her daughter’s skin must be for sensitive skin. This lotion is available at pharmacies, although a it is advisable to get a prescription for it first.

Since my sister in law has just started this this past weekend, we shall see if my niece’s condition recovers or not.

Strangely enough, this also happened to the daughters of one ex-colleague of mine, who has two daughters and one son. Both daughters suffer from eczema, the older one until she was 7 months old and the younger one, having a worse case, still suffers occasional bouts of rashes and itchiness whenever she takes the wrong food.

The son does not exhibit any such conditions and has shown no clear signs of having any allergies at the moment. I sincerely hope it stays that way.

So if you hear of old wives’ tales that you should not eat certain foods during pregnancy, take heed. You need not follow through with all of them, but take most in moderation instead of submitting all out to the cravings. It’s true that you are what you eat, but in this case your baby becomes whatever it is that you eat during pregnancy.


Disclaimer: I usually suggest to friends of mine to seek second opinions from physicians and specialists, when dealing with issues regarding the health of children. As such, I also ask that you do your own research, ask around and consult your physicians before making any decisions based on what you read here. This is as much a disclaimer as it is a point to ensure that whatever decisions you make for our children is made from an educated standpoint. Make well-informed decisions for your child.

DO IT BEFORE 3

A friend taught me a Chinese saying: A child will learn all he needs to learn before 3.

This means that after he is 3 it will be hard to teach him to act otherwise.

This also means that it would be best to have the child weaned, toilet trained, well-mannered, helpful and independent before they are 3.

"Zat iz imposi-bleh, madame! I vil not doo it!", says wet blanket Schmitz.

For those who are not parents yet, 3-year-old toddlers can manage sentences, take solid foods and even fast food (if you let them), control their bladder (except at night), and recognize people and places.

For those who are parents to children below 3 years of age, you still have time. For those with children older than 3 years, you can still try, it will just be a bit harder.

On a side note, a child has the fastest brain and skills development before the age of 10. After that, the learning rate slowly diminishes (and stops completely in some adults) towards adulthood.

So what can you teach your baby by the time they are 3?
1 Tell you when they need to use the toilet.
2 Say their full name, your full name and your partner’s full name.
3 Tell you they are hungry or that they have a tummy ache.
4 Stop wearing diapers
5 Have proper manners at the table like no more drumming with chopsticks and dropping utensils all over the floor.
6 To stop screaming when told. Tantrums do not count.
7 To have proper sleep time. As opposed to waking up and asking to read in the middle of the night.
8 Climb stairs on their own.
9 To not fear water when they bathe.
10 Know what to do, how to do it and when to do it. Teaching them to always wash their hands after using the toilet and to brush their teeth before sleeping is possible at this time.

Every child is different and so you need not rush and ‘fix’ your child if he hasn’t been able to do all the things listed above. However, the list will be able to give you an idea or gauge how far your child has gone and can go in embracing toddlerhood.

Note: This list is compiled from what can be observed by those, with children below the age of 3, around me. Bear in mind, the mothers who can make their kids do all this are very patient. They also started early on in their children’s life and they do not believe that “it is too early to teach them this or that” or “she’s too young, wait till she’s older.”

Start it before the child reaches the age or time when they start to notice and it will come naturally to them.

It also helps that you act it out for them to see.

Now, excuse me while I have a little talk with wet blanket Schmitz.

Ways to help your baby sleep

Position 1
Hold your baby so that her ear is against your chest. Let her hear your heartbeat. You can manoeuvre her into this position by slipping one of her arms around your upper waist. Her shoulder, head and one side of her body should be in contact with your body. You can sit if it makes you feel better as you will feel the strain of the baby’s weight on your back if you need to hold this position up for more than 15 minutes. Just be wary of where your baby’s arm is at all times.

Method 1
Use Position 1 then gently tap on the bottom of her thigh or her bum bum in a constant tempo. When she is drifting into sleep, slow down your tempo until you ‘come to a complete stop’. Once you stop tapping, do not immediately place her into her crib. Let her sleep without the ‘tapping’ momentarily. If she stirs, resume tapping and repeat.

Method 2
Use some soft music (light classics or voiceless music work best) and the swaying of your body with her in Position 1 to mimic the motion of a rocking cradle. Hum along with the music if she is still but does not want to close her eyes. This may mean that she likes it ‘there’ and does not want you to put her down, thus refusing to sleep. The humming will put her at ease and her eyelids will drop fairly quickly.

Method 3
If you do not have music, hum a simple nursery rhyme in a fairly low tone and combine the use of the tapping motion in 1. When she starts to drift off, lower the volume of your voice until you can stop humming completely. Retain the tapping motion until she does not stir. Use Method 1.

How to tell if she is already in dreamland.
While some babies keep very still, they may not be fully asleep yet. To tell whether they are really asleep or not, lift a limb (arm or leg) gently then let go so the limb drops. If you feel resistance during the lifting, or if the limb shows any other movement apart from just plain falling (shifts to the side, adjusts itself so it is more comfortable) then you need to keep at it.

Wait another 5 minutes before you try it again. Or stop when you hear snoring.

Good luck.

7 emotions you never knew until you're a parent.

For something to be considered a Science, it has to: be backed by evidence; be retestable by others; and all come to the same conclusion. Crud... now that I think of it.. I think that is the definition of a hypothesis.

But.. who cares?

The point I'm driving home today is the evidence of that bond which exist between mother and child.

Love can hardly be called a Science. So many conclusions could come from the same initial point: You may marry him and live happily together forever with him, or You may divorce him within the next three years. You may cheat on him or be cheated on by him and still stick together as a couple "for the sake of the children". You may find out he is a closeted gay. You may tell him that you are a closeted lesbian or bisexual on your 5th wedding anniversary. You may even find him divorcing you to be with your mother (sick I know... but it happens).

So why then do experts insist on mothers breastfeeding their babies to 'strengthen that bond between mother and newborn' hours after she has just given birth?

No, it's not because they are sadistic maniacs.

It's because this bond, you can see and feel it: the evidence of love.

*jeng.. jeng... JENG*

7 emotions you never knew until you're a parent.

Once you've become a mother, you will feel the following 'new (undiscovered until now)' emotions:

1. When your child cries nonstop in the first week or two, you will feel helpless and will begin crying along with it.

2. When you partner shouts or 'pats' your newborn to make it stop crying, you feel a slice into your already delicate heart and will be compelled to 'protect' your child.

3. When you hold your child against your bosom (that's chest, for the rest of you modern peoples), you will feel that nothing wrong could ever and will ever happen to your child.

4. When you are able to calm your newborn down and make it stop crying by holding it or speaking softly to it, you will feel like you've won the Nobel prize.

5. When you are able to make your newborn stop crying by 'hitting' her puny little backside, the guilt you feel afterwards makes you feel willing to face the firing squad.

6. The first time you see your newborn smile at you, you'd be as excited as the day you bought your first car.

7. When your newborn grabs your finger and would not let go, you'd let it hold your finger for just one more second (and another, and another)... even if the building is on fire.

There's actually a whole lot more than just seven.. and these aren't exactly 'emotions' but to be fair, you seriously will not understand them until you've become a parent yourself. Seriously.

Noticing newborns

Just the other day I was thinking how much longer before I can sleep properly and indulge in chocolate ice cream once again, and now Eva is more than 2 weeks old. Time really flies, as my mother reminded me the other day: 18 years will speed by so quickly, you'll miss it if you blink. And I believe her.

When Eva came out she was so small and fragile despite being close to 3 kg. I haven't weighed myself ever since the delivery so I have no idea how much gained weight I've lost. But Eva is putting on the pounds, although slowly. Well, at least her face is growing. Her limbs are still so skinny. Her tummy alternating between bulging and flattened, depending on how much she poops in a day.

If you haven't realized, a newborn's arms can lift only to the top of its head. This means she can't touch her two hands together if she raises it above her head, whereas you and I can grab both our own elbows above our heads. Try it with a newborn. If you're like my husband, you'll have a blast out of it.

Speaking of which, you know how it is that babies have heads that are disproportionate to their bodies? When I was born, I used to have an 'alien' head that my grandmother tries endlessly to 'mould' back to human form every time she bathes me. My daughter shares the trait. Probably because I have my mother's pelvic bone structure. My mother in law, however, is not the moulding kind. And she doesn't let me touch my daughter's head much either.

The older generation has a fear of the newborn's soft spot called the fontanelle. It's the part above the forehead which sometimes sinks in (due to dehydration) and sometimes pulse (I've seen it but I don't know the explanation for it). I've read somewhere that if the fontanelle bulges out, it is a sign of meningitis. Anyways, it is the part of the baby's skull which has not fused together. This is because the human brain will continue to develop and mature outside of the womb. If the human brain were to fully develop inside the mother's womb, she won't be able to safely deliver the baby due to the size of the head.

The skull of a baby will slowly fuse together at points called sutures and while they're at it, the shape of the head can still change constantly. If your baby is a selective sleeper, meaning she only sleeps on one side of her head (either left or right or looking straight up) then that particular part will flatten out on the long run. You won't be able to see it because of the hair, but if you touch it you will feel the head structure plateau out at the spot where the baby sleeps on the most. So it's good to help your baby switch sleeping sides often.

In the meantime, I'll try to mould her head to a respectable shape, whenever I get the chance.

The newborn list

Apart from beliefs about confinement, there are also plenty of beliefs or superstitions regarding newborns. Here are some that might raise an eyebrow or two (partially because some of them, sometimes, do hold some water) :

1 You should never say anything to a newborn's face otherwise, she or he will do the opposite. e.g. "Wow, you really take a lot of milk don't you?" Next day, she will not be taking milk. "Wow, you listen to dad a lot don't you?" Next day, he listens to everyone but the dad.

2 You should not touch the soles of the baby's feet or else it will be reluctant to take its first steps, or it will start walking comparatively late.

3 You should not leave the baby's tummy exposed to the air or she will get gas in her tummy which will lead to constant crying due to discomfort. Hence, when you are done bathing the baby, you should ensure that the windows and doors to the room you dress the baby in is closed; switch off the fan and air conditioning while you're at it. Or so they say.

4 You should not let the baby drink cold to lukewarm milk; adds to the stomach 'wind' problem.

5 Babies should not be left crying too much, again due to the wind problem. Since the baby has to cry upon childbirth to ensure its lungs open up, it may have a problem getting rid of the wind during its first week. That would explain why some babies need to burp a lot or poop a lot in the first week.

New parents, do not be alarmed, all you need is some medicated oil. Get the kind that is useful for treating joint pains. Put two drops on your palm, rub them together until you feel a little heat between your two rubbing hands, then carefully place your palm on your baby's tummy (be careful of the umbilical cord) for a few seconds or until the baby has calmed down. You can do the same for the soles of the feet. The effect is almost immediate if the problem is gas.

This has been brought to you by sleepless nights, a sister with two kids she took care of by herself and too much time in my hands. Thank you.

I'm here.

Hi, I'm Eva. I'm 6 days old and against better judgment, the doctor revealed my weight as 2.98 kg even though I'm a girl. I'm currently driving my dad insane with my feeding times but he is getting the hang of it and lucky for my mommie, he is not reluctant to be the one to carry me all the time.


My mommie is in confinement now.

According to tradition, she's not supposed to use her eyes too much and she has to lie down a lot or else her organs will go out of place when her uterus shrinks, or so I am told. She has to endure this, and not washing her hair or eating McD for another 24 days.

So, I will help out my mommie's blog with short updates about our new lives together. I need some shut eye now. Still trying to adjust to my new home. Will blog again soon. Zzzzz...

Squirming

Eva is squirming around in my belly.
She's squirming a lot.
She squirms when I'm watching the telly.
She squirms even when I'm not.

Eva turns in the middle of the night,
She also turns in the day,
But she turns a whole lot more,
When hunger strikes or is at bay.

It took 9 months to get here,
And I'm waiting a few days more,
To get her from inside my belly,
To the baby cot I placed next to the bedroom door.

She takes after her daddy,
and I don't just mean as in her surname,
She annoys and irritates me with her squirming,
As though this is all a game.

But all is fair in love and war,
She'll be my rival for her father's affection and more,
But something else tells me deep inside,
We're going to have a blast, Eva and I, that's for sure.

I'm just kidding. Gonna love the brat to bits. You can tell I'm getting irritated with the waiting. And she is squirming inside me while I'm writing this. Settle down!

Start early

I went back to work last Friday despite being on MC to tie up all the loose ends. On my way out, after informing my two bosses that I'm taking leave starting Monday, I bumped into my Accounts manager who was asking about how I am and when I am expected to deliver.

I then brought up denephew and the fact that he is getting cuter and his vocabulary is improving.

"He would bump his little motorcar onto the side of my leg when I am putting the clothes out to dry, look up at a confused me, who would ask him "whatchu doing, brat?" only to receive two words - zou kai (move aside)."

It gave her a laugh first before she blinked twice at me and ask, "How old is he? Ei? He is about my daughter's age and he knows how to say zou kai? My daughter could barely manage papa and mommy." I neglected to tell her the full extent of his vocabulary.

But secretly, I'm glad we started out early, rather than when adults decide when kids actually start learning and when they should start teaching them words. I'm teaching Eva words the moment she can coo or make me feel guilty for letting her cry longer than 2 minutes for her milk. It's only fair. haha..

Denephew

This is my nephew. Well, actually my husband's nephew. He will be the bigger brother to Eva when she comes out. Check out his little hairdo (or the lack of it).

Breezy... whoo...

My first coconut. It came with a straw !

He had his first coconut + coconut juice this morning. I'm not sure if he enjoyed the taste of it. He wasn't really asking or throwing tantrums for more, but he didn't say no when we offered him more juice. We just like seeing him hold the coconut. Everybody now, awww.

Baby Stuff 101

Lesson 1: Click on the image for your first lesson.

Welcome to Eva's Crib

Yes, seriously. Eva's Crib.

From the side

From mommy's angle

Inside

Her equipment to get through the night.

Okay, I hear some of you saying, what's with the blue sheets and everything else being pink. If you weren't thinking that, you are now. Sigh...

We wanted to get it all Pink-like for Eva... but they only got blue fitted sheets. Kinda takes out the perfection criteria but I don't think Eva will mind. Her crib and the equipment and all costs a total of RM600.00. And she's not even out yet. I hope she likes it. Because if she doesn't she's sleeping in the cupboard since we got no where else to put her. hehe...

Fan-ning

You know how it is that everyone is using Twitter (John Mayer) and Facebook (just about everyone else on the planet). I have neither and *cue Katy Perry* I'm.. still.. brea-thing...

Supplies!

Anyhoo, I'm always a fan of babies, kids, toddlers, upbringing, education and English (a big deal in Malaysian education and Malaysian politics - let's not go there). They take up half of my time and soon, Eva will be taking up the other half.

This is Eva.This photo was taken during the 6th or 7th month (memory failing me, and I'm only 26, whoopie-di-dup).

Little Eva is facing to the right. The whitish blob south-east of the circle is her nose. You can see the lips and chin below the nose. She has puffy cheeks, ya, ya, you're seeing it right, and according to a colleague of mine, apparently she has a lot of hair (O_o" I don't know how I could miss it, and I'm the mother, sigh).

If all goes well, she will be arriving as a Taurian in the year of the Ox. which scares me. because... the Chinese believe that bulls are signs of stubborness. Taurians are organized, hard-headed and firm (aka stubborn too) so my husband and I are in for a ride.


Signing out: Savouring the last 5 weeks of freedom.