WORKING FROM HOME: A SERIOUS MATTER

It has always been a dream for me to be able to work from home, for a few reasons. 
A. I get to accompany my husband, who has been working from home for an employer who is in the United States. 
B. I get to spend more time with my daughter, and mould her into the minion that I want her to be (buahahahhaa)
C. I get to learn to become a better cook.
D. I don't have to waste my time, or waste away my health by dealing with the horrible process of commuting to work. and lastly...
E. No office politics (yay!)

However, little did I know that working from home would come with a full set of new problems that would make one want to throw in the towel within the first two weeks alone. Here's what happened:

I quit my previous job in late 2010 and found myself in a new home, in new surroundings and a ton of creases that needs stomping out. Basically, I got my own home already (hurray!) - which practically came without an internet connection or cable TV. We also had to start looking for new places to shop for raw materials, as well as new places to dine in, and let's not forget new recipes to apply to our daily makan routine.

Along the way, I was lucky to have been given several jobs by an ex-employer, on a freelance basis that pays alright for someone who doesn't have to step out of her house to get some dough. 

In the meantime, my daughter was trying to get used to having to face both her doting parents every single day, and by that I meant, she was trying to figure out what are the best ways to manipulate us into giving all that she wants. Oh.... I will count the ways. 

Needless to say, Havoc ruled the first three months I was here. 

But then... 

Things began to fall into place around chinese new year. 

For starters, my husband and I have established that we will share the household chores although he rules the kitchen more and I rule the washing machine more (no complaints there). We finally got our Unifi connection, 2Mbps (thank you)

As for being perfect parents, we are far from it, usually leaving Eva to the mercy of the idiot box (no complaints there either) until one night, she woke up at around 3.30am and asked (more like screamed) to watch Elmo. 

Her needy condition led to both her parents ending up in fights, arguments and tantrums (I don't wanna watch her, you watch her) and it had gotten so bad that one day I told my husband that I want to stop freelancing and just watch Eva, due to Fact 1: he is the breadwinner of the family and Fact 2: since I am without a stable income, whenever he is busy I HAVE to drop EVERYTHING to watch Eva... might as well make it permanent. 

That's when he came up with the idea of having the SCHEDULE.

The schedule

Eva sleeps at around 11pm at night (that's early for her) and will wake up between 10 am and 11.30 am. So my schedule turns out to be from 12pm to 6pm, after which her dad will take over from 6am until she goes to sleep. If you think that doesn't sound fair, Eva does take a two-hour nap at around 2pm to 4pm and while it is easier to let her nap, it is a whole other thing to get her to go to sleep at night. Initially, I was pleased with the arrangement, until I realised that by the time I am done looking after Eva at 6pm, it will be dinner time, and that coupled with a LONG day would make me too tired to do anything else. 

I struggled for about two weeks, before asking for a flip with my husband. Turns out the switch was useless since he takes some afternoons off to Skype with his employer in the U.S.

We reached a dead-end once again. So what happens next? My work got delayed pretty badly and it got me really worked up that I can't deliver as punctual as I used to no more. So what they hey, I'm already screwed, why not take this time to just hang out with my kid? And hung out I did, and I discovered something extraordinary.

They just want you to listen.

Maybe it's just Eva (who's barely 2), but I hope it's the same with all kids, but kids like her, all they really want is for you to just listen. Once they pass the 18-month mark, they undergo a sort of transformation that allows them to be self-conscious. They understand what they want and will demand for it and even though they can't talk, they will find other means to let you know they want that banana or more milk, or just an empty bowl to bang around for fun. And the magic happens when you stop and just listen to them. 

For example, I once asked Eva when she was around 19-mth old if she would want milk. She would stare at me like I'm a statue and then she would look to the side for something else to stare at, then look back at me and then nod. Eventually that nod evolved into repeating the word I use for milk "neh-neh" repeatly until I get it and start making her a bottle of milk. Later on, our conversation would become something like "Do you want milk/neh-neh?" Eva: "Neh-neh? Yao (I want)". Up until now she would say this, as if to confirm if I am offering her neh-neh (as opposed to biscuits or fruit or yogurt etc), and then saying "yao" I want or "bu yao: I don't want. 

Until early February, I've never realised what a connection Eva and I have established until her father got some time off to actually watch over her while I catch up with my work. He was having a rough time for a bit and had resorted to using the back of his hand to deliver messages to her daughter, like "time to take a bath", "do you want milk or not?", and "stop wriggling around and put your pajamas on" whereas when I take over from him I got her to do those things with less of a hassle on my part, and less of pain on her buttocks on her part. I told Eva's dad repeatedly to be gentle with her and to listen to her but I guess by that time Eva had decided that she could only trust one person, and I had the luck to be the one she chose to trust. 

Eva took full advantage of being the mama's girl, demanding things by doing what I ask her to do, up to a point where she is starting to show the effects of being over-pampered. When her grandfather came over to stay around two weeks ago, he confirmed this state of affairs by saying that she is a spoilt brat. So again we went all flexible with this parenting gig and started changing our modus operandi again. 
I introduce the clothes hanger.

To be continued...

NEW SCHEDULE

Took about a week plus to readjust from time-chimed working life to no-time-limit whatsoever life. I won't say it was all hunky-dory but hey... just needs some getting used to. Mornings have disappeared from my life because I now sleep at 2 am (on a good night) and usually it is after other people have started snoring. What do I do with the time? Nothing useful, you can bet that. 

But I what wanted to write about was the new phenomena (at least to me) of going from a 9-to-5-I-don't-have-time-for-anything mode to a I-can-do-whatever-the-hell-I-want mode. The latter is scary, seriously. 

You don't keep track of your meals, when to get your morning coffee (usually it is already what, 1pm by the time I remember that I needed it), brushing your teeth is not the first thing you do in the morning, your daily objectives is to think of what meals to prepare for lunch and dinner (whenever that happens), bathing is an option (but still necessary if you want to go out and meet someone and keep that person alive at the end of the meeting), you hog the TV because now you need not schedule TV into your.. er.. schedule, you can actually go to a sale anytime you want (which makes it no fun or half as alluring no more) etc.

I seriously had a hard time adjusting to all that. It might all sound peachy but to go from "there is a time for every thing" during school, university and work to "there's time for anything and everything"... well, if you don't have goals, you will go nuts.

That's what happened to me. I felt blurry in the first week. I don't know what day it is, what time it is when I wake up (but the sun was shining down on me with vengeance), I don't care about the news no more unless it is funny or it has to do with me forking out more money, speaking of which, yes I am still doing freelance work stuff for peanuts but hey, I'm having fun spoiling my kid.. speaking of which, is a real pain-in-the-ass while she tries to recuperate from her soggy mood from being sick for more than a week now (checks her watch) eh yup, it's been 8 days now but she is doing better thanks to the antibiotics the doc gave her. I really need to put in more effort to raise her immune system up to standard. This cannot go on! 

That's it! That's my new goal! woo hoo... now to actually organise it into something that is workable. I feel so productive suddenly. Yeah, maybe that's what I was craving for, to feel productive. Sigh... Is it too early to go back to work?

WORK LIFE BALANCE, YA RIGHT?

It is doable. You just have to be tough enough to rough it out. Work-life balance is for most the 'holy grail' but it isn't that hard to get. Really.

There are only 24 hours in a day; 8 hours are devoted to work, at least 2 hours to get to work and back, 3 hours for 3 meals (unless you skip breakfast), 2 hours (okay, maybe 2.5 hours) wasting time online, answering emails, on facebook, youtube, twitter etc, 7 hours of sleep and 2 hours in between for your toilet/washroom escapades, being sick, housechores, bill-paying, tv, cooking, washing, freaking out over your sick kid etc. 

How do you do it?

There is such a thing as work-life balance, it just means different things to different people. 

But there are a few rules that could actually help you get your act together.

No.1, Have a cut off point for everything. Give yourself enough time for work, and after you have used up all the alloted time, drop everything and continue on with your life. This means that if 8 hours is not enough, give yourself up to 10 or 12 hours, but beyond that, you have to stop thinking about work and focus on the other aspects of life.

No. 2, you don't have to be supermom all the time. This means that it is okay for you to skip some not so urgent matters so you can tend to the more urgent matters first. Not everything needs to be done right now. 

No. 3, know when you need a break, rest up and then get going again. Taking a break every week or so is a much better option than falling sick which will take you out for half a week; how will you ever catch up under such conditions? You don't. So, take a lot of fluids, vitamins if you need to, catch up on sleep after you've lost enough to keep you dizzy and start you on 24/7 IV fluids. Back down before you break down.

No. 4, be brutally honest when you find yourself trapped. 'Lizzie, before you go back for the night, do you think you can prepare the Johnsons' report for me by tomorrow? I have a meeting with them at 9am and I got a match to watch tonight so I'm too busy to do it even if the match ends at 11 and you had been camping at the office for the last two days.' 

You know when is a good time to just say NO.

No. 5, be brutally strict with your kid as well. Here is when a lot of parents screw up. They only exact discipline when they are in a bad mood, they had a rough day, they have a deadline to catch or when someone else is watching. Don't believe me? Have you ever seen parents who act like they are paralysed whenever they see their kid climb precariously onto an adult's chair? Then, they start scolding their kid when the kid does the same thing whenever someone comes to visit. 

Please, you're confusing the kid. How is the kid supposed to know whether or not they can or cannot climb dangerously onto chairs? They'd be more likely to think that they CAN do that when no one in particular is watching. That's when they start coming to you with bruises, injuries and wounds that 'come from nowhere'. 

Explain to the child that it is dangerous for them to do so, but allow them to climb onto the chair (or do any other it's only dangerous if you fall actions) with you around to act as the safety net. If the child falls, be there to comfort him or her, but do not react strongly (like shout when they fall or raise the tone of your voice) in the event this happens. What you can do is to nurse the pain for a bit, tell them that you told them to not climb because you knew this was going to happen. 

Explain to them also that if they do that again, they should use special precautions, be more careful or only do it when you are around in case they may fall again. You can't be there all the time but your child should understand that you will be there for them no matter what idiotic situations they get themselves in. You have to let your child grow before they can.

Best of luck, working parents out there!

NANNY 911

I don't know why I never heard of the show but Nanny 911 (on NTV7, Fridays, 830 to 930pm) is an awesome show where you can learn how to bring up kids - yours included - that you thought were unmanageable. 

There are four nannies; my favourite is stella who has her own page here. On each episode one of the nannies will be assigned to a problematic household, most of which have problems that will really really make you cringe, be suspended in a state of disbelief for an hour or just question whether or not the whole thing is scripted.

For instance, one family has a pig who has its own room inside the house. The mother was portrayed as a parent who loves the pet more than her own kids although I find that hard to believe, but stranger things have happened. Her younger daughter plays with poo (takes it right out of the diaper and flings it around) and both daughters eat their food off the floor and drinks out of a pet dish. Err... yeah, it was one of the worst cases I've seen so far. 

Worst still, the mother doesn't think that there is a problem with it. Although she was worried when the assigned nanny told her that she was running her home like a zoo, she was quite reluctant to change her ways and how she raises her kids. Fair enough, she has been doing it ever since the first child was born but somehow or rather (and this happens for ALL the episodes), within a week of the nanny being with the household, the parents will totally change for the better, the kids will be well mannered and their lifestyle will be more structured. THAT part, I find hard to believe but is willing to readily accept because like all Disney-raised kids, I love happy endings.

Still, there was one particular advice that really stuck to me, which was given by nanny Stella (hence, the reason she was my favourite). She mentioned three things that kids thrive on, structure, rewards and consequences(?) which meant that they must have a structured life, nap at 2pm, play at 4pm, set hours for food, baths, play etc. They also should be allowed the chance to make their own decisions, with all the options and consequences laid out before they should give their final verdict: 'If you jump from that couch one more time, you will be getting a ten-minute timeout at the corner of the room.' And they expect for the rule to be enforced, and strictly, I might add. 

I think it works for western kids I guess, being sent to bed without supper, being sent to their rooms or getting timeouts at the corner. I don't really see my daughter feeling punished over it but then we're on the other side of the world where we drive on the 'wrong side' of the road anyways. =)

I'm not sure what punishment I would allay on her hair but one thing is for sure, she has a fan in her dad, a fan who doubles as her superman, meaning... I am the bad cop, he will always be the good cop and I might add - the good cop who tops/veto/overrules the bad cop. Initially, I wasn't very happy with the idea, but after awhile, even he realises that there has to be a limit to everything and when he turns into the bad cop, and my daughter has nowhere to turn to, that is when she sheds her manipulative outlook and becomes the angel who we love and look forward to seeing and having. 

She stays in that mode for 48 hours tops. 

Anyways, Nanny 911 is very informative but Mama Sing would like to add that you don't have to follow every advice you see on the show down to the very last detail. Follow your intuition and know when to stop, when to hold your ground and when to act as the parents that they 'need' you to be.

AM I READY TO BE A PARENT?

If you are asking yourself this question now, chances are you're thinking about it, or you think that time is running out. Doesn't really matter whatever your actual reason is... if you are in your late 20s or early 30s, it's about time you start thinking about parenthood.

The Why
The why is almost as subjective as 'why do I love ice cream'? Personal preferences aside, here are some of the reasons why you are asking yourself if you are ready to be a parent.

1. Your friends are getting married or already posting their babies' 'fresh-out-of-the-oven' photos on facebook.

2. Your friends have started their one/two year hiatus from their usual 'social life' to deal with the needs of parenthood. They don't call it 'biting the dust' for no good reason.

3. You feel that your biological clock is ticking faster than you originally thought it would. Suddenly, 30 is too old an age to get pregnant.

4. Celebrities are already having babies left, right and centre. It was the latest trend two years ago but hey, if they're doing it...

5. You hear horror stories about how scary childbirth and pregnancy is the older you get. Check out my post on how not easy it is to get pregnant if you haven't already.

The impact (on your life)
Parenthood is not for the faint-hearted; no, seriously, I'm not kidding. It's also not for those who hasn't gotten over 'having a life'. With kids around, you don't get to sleep well, you keep looking at the time whenever you are out with friends, you pay through your nose to get someone else to watch over your kid, you worry whenever they do a bad job which would mean you need to look for a replacement; the list goes on... 4evar!

But as with the cons, there are pros too with parenthood. 

You learn to be more tolerant and patient with adults since you get all the practice when you deal with your kid(s). You grow up overnight, take on more responsibilities like cleaning their butts and having daily encounters with human excrements. You take better care of yourself so that you will be around longer to see your kids grow up, get married and have their own kids. You learn to love. You learn to forgive. When you do get some sleep, you sleep with a baby, like a baby. You become a more careful person, who plans ahead, who uses checklists, who drive within the speed limit, who buys stuff at a whim, who sheds the stress that you bring home from work the moment your kids call you mama or kisses you goodnight...

Simple pleasures of parenthood can easily outweigh the hardships. They are the reasons for siblings.

The how
Now, this part will need a little bit of education. No, not sex education. That part you already know from other parts of the Internet - we won't go there - but I'm talking more about knowing what you should prepare for before you get pregnant. 

You should be as healthy as possible at least a full year before getting pregnant. You should get your cycle straightened out and stabilised. You should stop smoking, drinking, taking drugs that are not prescribed by a doctor for an illness that could have been avoided, partying too late at night until you live on three hours of sleep daily (believe me you will get less in the first year you become a parent) and lastly you should be sure that your relationship with your partner is stable enough for the both of you to pull through the rough patches together. It is of course, easier said that done, but not necessarily undoable. Then again, if you are unwilling to give all that up, maybe parenthood is still not a zone you want to be in yet.

Lastly, the kids
They will be cheeky, naughty, mischievously fun, make you pull your hair one minute and then make you ooo and aaaa the next. They're wonderful creatures that absorb everything (good and bad) like a sponge and at times are a walking, talking mirror reflecting who you are without consciously faking it or disguising it. You'd be surprised what you see in their behaviour and their choice of words. You may not like it, but again it is a reminder of how you can change and try to be better. For what is the use of a parent, if not to guide children into society in the form of useful individuals who can and will do their part to help better the community for the greater good... or make bloody good ice cream. Yay!

Dream big!

HAVING HER SAY

Eva is now 14 and and three-quarter months' old. She can hold her own bottle, walk unaided, stand in a very stable manner, wave goodbye and understand that it means you are going away, and manage a few phrases like 'mam mam' for food, 'mm mm' for I need to do big biz (toilet style), 'bu yao' for I don't want (to), 'mei you' for don't have / don't want to, and my personal favourite 'Ah-pah!' for her dad. She refuses to acknowledge my position by name, preferring crying or screaming instead.

Just the other day, at 530 in the morning, she twitched in her sleep, then sat up and without opening her eyes said, 'Mummee, neneh!' translation: Mummy, I need food/milk! I immediately jumped into action and made her milk, which she just as quick finished before passing back the bottle to me, then flipped over to continue her beauty sleep.
I was left beaming with pride and a short bout of insomnia ensued until the next morning.

---

Today she showed me a new 'trick'. 

We went to a new Jusco which opened in the Sungai Long area. Having just received RM50 voucher from my workplace for 'good behaviour' [lol], I took Eva to the toy section to pick out a stuffed toy. She really did choose one of the toys based on her taste.
Mickey was more of a - hmm, it's okay although I wouldn't mind another type. Eeyore was a total no-no. She has enough Winnie the poohs at home, and piglet drew no response from her.

In the end, she opted for a weird-looking rat-slash-rabbit with dangerous-looking whiskers (told you it was weird), which I chose not to buy because... well, it looked weird what! 

On our way out of the store and back to the car park, she stopped by a DIY store where a row of odd-placed items sat near one of the display windows. There was a fortune cat on display - the type which has a solar-powered flipping arm that continues moving whether you like it or not. Eva stood near the window then waved back at the cat, then walked a few steps in front, slap herself onto the window display and kept pointing at the cat, to no one's attention in particular. She hardly noticed that I was there. After about two minutes, I grabbed her and left the place because ppl inside the store were looking and she kept turning back and pointing at the direction of the cat. 


It's going to be a long 18 years before she moves out on her own, but I'm looking forward to every minute of it!

THE FATHER'S SIDE

Times are changing. Let me count the ways:

1. More and more couples are becoming working couples. Each family or household need breadwinnerS.

2. Houses are getting more and more expensive. In-laws are bound to stay with you - there are pros and cons but don't shoot down the idea yet.


3. Women are losing the art of housekeeping, cooking, sewing, laundry-ing and child upbringing because they are trying to get in touch with the feminist side - in short, they are turning into men! (For the rest of us, it's usually just an excuse to not have to know all these things just because you are female. I blame my mother... who blames hers.)


4. LIfestyle requirements are getting more materialistic but tables are turning and people are going back to trying to figure out what 'family values' really mean. It's a trend that is becoming outdated as we speak.


5. Fathers are getting awesomer and awesomer.


Celebrating father's day.
It's common knowledge that Mother's day is the second Sunday of May but rarely do people know or remember that Father's day is the third Sunday of June. Actually, when they started celebrating Father's day back in the early 1900's during Sonora Smart Dodd's time (She was the person responsible for the popularization of the Father's day idea after she and her five siblings were brought up single-handedly by an awesome father after the death of his wife when Smart was 16), some actually laughed at the idea of celebrating their beer-bellied fathers during the weekends when they were actually home.


Time's a changing.


Eva's dad can make porridge for her, change her diaper, bathe and wash her bum bum when she poops, play with her, give her naps, make her milk, chocolate or water at the right temperature of her liking for her and still have time for his work, his wife and Facebook.


While I can still see many friends of his shunning the idea with helping out in parental duties' like checking the diaper when they smell something sour in the air, the winds of change is starting to take care of that. Nowadays, I see more fathers pushing the pram while their wives' shop in the departmental stores for the latest trend and baby fashion available, and there were times when I saw a father feeding the baby on the seats outside Jusco stores. 

Even when they can't - or prefer not to - help out with the chores, there are many things that they are doing for the sake of the family. 

Some give up smoking upon becoming a father, others frequent pubs and mamak stalls less to spend more time at home. Others are more sensitive to their wives, taking the time to actually sit down and play with their kids while the wife experiences the rare luxury of a proper bath that lasts longer than 5 seconds. 

No longer are fathers of today allowed to declare 'bringing the bacon home' the only thing fathers can do, and do best. A new game is at hand and if you want to celebrate your Father's day full-blown next year, get your head in the game and play your part. You will love it, I promise.


To fathers!
 

KIDS THESE DAYS

It's possible that I am old-fashioned. Highly possible. But I'm finding it hard to understand teenagers or young adults who still act like they are teenagers. I did have to deal with a full adult, close to a cycle older than me (that means 12 years to you non-chinese zodiac speaking peeps) who acted like a teenager too. It's a luxury for them/her basically, not having to act like a professional when they/she should. I just had stricter upbringing, and I had to grow up a lot sooner than most kids. Not sure if it is a boon or a bane yet. Plenty of time to figure that out.

But what really really gets me is that they:
1. do not want to care
2. do not think you should care either because they think negatively of it eg you are speculating which is bad, you are gossiping which is bad, you are trespassing which is bad, you are asking too personal questions which is bad.
3. they do whatever they like, not what they are required to do
4. they reject anything that has the slightest reference to responsibility
5. think life is about them, not the other 6 billion people out there. To think about others takes a lot of them, and they can't handle it. therefore, they don't.

I'm worried about the future of society.

I'm not writing out of frustration, although a bulk of it may sound like it. It's not even disappointment... or disbelief. It's more of a... reflection of what is going on with today's youths.

Things may turn out fine. We may one day delete the use and necessity of marriages and of living together; everyone gets to live on their own or with people they cannot procreate with; news will be about new branded items that have come out and which gives you a chance to stick your credit card through the machine again because last month's transactions didn't screw the credit card enough; and everyone will be out doing charity because that's the way they show the world they care.. what they care about is a full other issue.

Sigh. I don't know. I'm stuck between generations. I have people older than me who says I am too young to be tied down as a mom, and I have friends who are younger than me who look up to me like they do their aunts (or older). To some I'm supposed to have all the answers, but the answers should fit the ones they already have in their head... or they tell me that I am not always right (= you are wrong and I know it cause I say so - welcome to teen logic), while to others I'm suppose to spoonfeed them, tell them how to walk, talk, drink, eat, sleep, be a mom etcetera etcetera etcetera.

Maybe I should stop caring. It would do good to the little soul I have left in me.

CHANGE

The Chinese have a saying: when a woman gives birth, she has one foot in a coffin (death) and another on land (life). This roughly translates to a life-or-death experience or a near-death one. Needless to say, a childbirth experience is traumatic to both the mother and the child.

Some women endure up to 2 days (48 hours) of labour pain before giving birth. Imagine pushing 3 kg of flesh and bone out of your body through a hole that previously couldn’t fit three fingers (that’s how they check if you are dilated and ready for labour).

I cannot place myself in the same group of these brave mothers who had opted for a natural delivery. As I was diabetic, I had to deliver earlier than the due date. The doctor told me that I can choose between an induced natural labour or a C-section. Two months before I had to make that decision, my sister had opted for an induced natural delivery. Her doctors could not pinpoint her due date and so to prevent anything untoward from happening, the doctor suggested an induced natural delivery.

My sister had to suffer through 8 hours of pain, only to have the baby delivered in the end through C-section.

Naturally, I went for the C-section. Don’t judge. If you do, try watching a real-life natural childbirth process on Youtube before you do.

But the point of the story in this post is that after childbirth, after 9 months of pregnancy, the pain, the suffering, the anguish of it all not to mention 4 months of intense vomiting day in and day out, I felt as if I was given a second outlook of life.

I had a short fuse when I was growing up. I was also plenty impatient and domineering. Everything had to be perfect, planned and proper. I do not take lightly to people who did things that are not considered morally correct like getting pregnant before marriage, giving bribes to get out of situations and parking at the disable’s parking spot.

After becoming a mother however, I took a step back and re-evaluated my life. I felt that there were so many things to do, share and experience with the people you love. No, I’m not becoming all gushy or turning into a pansy. I just grew up, just upper than before, in a sense.

Now, things that make other people lose their temper don’t faze me much. I’ve accepted that there are certain rules that makes life life. For example, I view discrimination a lot more lightly than I used to because no matter how good you are, there will always be someone better, and another person worse than you. So, discrimination serves no purpose but to remind people that life is not fair. Apart from that, if you do not comply to the effects of discrimination, it can do you no harm.

As for being domineering and controlling, life’s too short to have everything so perfect. To have everything fall perfectly into place, that’s the magical part of it. I look forward to that every single day now.

Lastly, sometimes people do immoral things just to get through in life. They may have it harder than you and so it should be okay once in a while to cut them some slack.

Getting pregnant before marriage is so common now, that the worry is now on whether or not the father and mother of the unborn child will take responsibility of it rather than short-change it out of an opportunity in life, for their own selfish reasons.

Giving bribes is still a big no no but sometimes it is between parting with a few hundred dollars or going to jail because of tampered evidence. Which would you choose if you were in that situation?

Parking in a disable’s parking spot tells you a lot about the driver of the car. For some people, knowing the true character about the people around them is very important. If a person has no qualms about taking the disable’s parking spot, it shows a lack of compassion and understanding in that person. Knowing that bit about that person can actually help you make interesting and important decisions regarding that person.

Every single thing that happens around you, as the cliché goes, happens for a reason (Hey, a cliché won’t be around for so long if it ain’t true). It is up to you to decipher what message every situation has for you.

For me, the messages I am receiving now is that I need change in my life. I’ve taken the first step and am now waiting for opportunities to prove myself. I’m trying very hard to chase my dream in hopes that one day I will be able to encourage my daughter to do the same.

Now all I got to do is wait.

THE LINK BETWEEN PREGNANCY DIETS AND BABY ALLERGIES

My niece was born 6 weeks after my daughter. She has a beautiful face, compared to my daughter’s but she is now suffering from a mild form of eczema, a skin condition also known as atopic dermatitis. It is a form of inherited allergy. In some cases, the eczema develops into asthma. Luckily, in my niece’s case, it is confined to dry skin and occasional rashes on her cheeks.

According to some sites like babycenter, the allergic reaction is triggered by allergens in the baby’s diet. If you breastfeed, the reaction may be triggered through the food you take, transferred to your baby through breast milk. The allergic reaction may also be exacerbated by irritants like soap, lotions and detergents, or even by heat.

Apart from the rashes and her dry skin, my niece also is easily irritable, does not sleep for long and cries a lot due to her skin problem. Thus, this takes a toll on the mother and the babysitter as well. The babysitter asks that the mother switch to a soy-based milk to reduce the allergic reactions. It worked for awhile.

Then, my sister in law (the mother) took my niece to see a skin specialist. All this while she has always taken her to child specialists, until a friend of hers introduced her to this doctor at Taman Segar. He told her that this might be due to the diet she took when she was pregnant. The culprits identified: fresh milk and mangoes. Yes, of all things, mangoes, the fruit, may be a cause to this hypersensitive skin problem. He promptly gave her a list of things that the daughter must avoid to prevent repercussions.

He also gave her some medication which I think could be steroids that may help reduce the rashes. She is also advised to reduce the use of soap when she bathes her daughter (warm water will do) and the lotions she use on her daughter’s skin must be for sensitive skin. This lotion is available at pharmacies, although a it is advisable to get a prescription for it first.

Since my sister in law has just started this this past weekend, we shall see if my niece’s condition recovers or not.

Strangely enough, this also happened to the daughters of one ex-colleague of mine, who has two daughters and one son. Both daughters suffer from eczema, the older one until she was 7 months old and the younger one, having a worse case, still suffers occasional bouts of rashes and itchiness whenever she takes the wrong food.

The son does not exhibit any such conditions and has shown no clear signs of having any allergies at the moment. I sincerely hope it stays that way.

So if you hear of old wives’ tales that you should not eat certain foods during pregnancy, take heed. You need not follow through with all of them, but take most in moderation instead of submitting all out to the cravings. It’s true that you are what you eat, but in this case your baby becomes whatever it is that you eat during pregnancy.


Disclaimer: I usually suggest to friends of mine to seek second opinions from physicians and specialists, when dealing with issues regarding the health of children. As such, I also ask that you do your own research, ask around and consult your physicians before making any decisions based on what you read here. This is as much a disclaimer as it is a point to ensure that whatever decisions you make for our children is made from an educated standpoint. Make well-informed decisions for your child.

DO IT BEFORE 3

A friend taught me a Chinese saying: A child will learn all he needs to learn before 3.

This means that after he is 3 it will be hard to teach him to act otherwise.

This also means that it would be best to have the child weaned, toilet trained, well-mannered, helpful and independent before they are 3.

"Zat iz imposi-bleh, madame! I vil not doo it!", says wet blanket Schmitz.

For those who are not parents yet, 3-year-old toddlers can manage sentences, take solid foods and even fast food (if you let them), control their bladder (except at night), and recognize people and places.

For those who are parents to children below 3 years of age, you still have time. For those with children older than 3 years, you can still try, it will just be a bit harder.

On a side note, a child has the fastest brain and skills development before the age of 10. After that, the learning rate slowly diminishes (and stops completely in some adults) towards adulthood.

So what can you teach your baby by the time they are 3?
1 Tell you when they need to use the toilet.
2 Say their full name, your full name and your partner’s full name.
3 Tell you they are hungry or that they have a tummy ache.
4 Stop wearing diapers
5 Have proper manners at the table like no more drumming with chopsticks and dropping utensils all over the floor.
6 To stop screaming when told. Tantrums do not count.
7 To have proper sleep time. As opposed to waking up and asking to read in the middle of the night.
8 Climb stairs on their own.
9 To not fear water when they bathe.
10 Know what to do, how to do it and when to do it. Teaching them to always wash their hands after using the toilet and to brush their teeth before sleeping is possible at this time.

Every child is different and so you need not rush and ‘fix’ your child if he hasn’t been able to do all the things listed above. However, the list will be able to give you an idea or gauge how far your child has gone and can go in embracing toddlerhood.

Note: This list is compiled from what can be observed by those, with children below the age of 3, around me. Bear in mind, the mothers who can make their kids do all this are very patient. They also started early on in their children’s life and they do not believe that “it is too early to teach them this or that” or “she’s too young, wait till she’s older.”

Start it before the child reaches the age or time when they start to notice and it will come naturally to them.

It also helps that you act it out for them to see.

Now, excuse me while I have a little talk with wet blanket Schmitz.

HOW THINGS HAVE CHANGED SINCE YOU'VE WELCOMED YOUR FIRST BABY

My daughter is 6 months old today! This also means that it’s been six months since they’ve cut me open and made me a mom.

Wow, how’s that for putting things into perspective. And now… for more putting things into more perspectives:

How things have changed since welcoming your first child into your life.

1 You talk about the baby all the time. All the time.
Has he eaten?
Did you go get her diapers that were on sale today?
I think we need to pay the sitter already. Or did we pay her yesterday?

Conversations with your partner contains ‘baby’, name of baby and everything related to the baby.

That and tired, sleepy and hungry.

Can you get the baby? I need forty winks.

Thirty and I’ll take it.

Deal.

2 You feel like you have not slept in eons.
Actually it’s true.

Ever since Eva was born I doubt I’ve had a full 8 hours of sleep in one shot. I have to wake up some time in between.

Last Friday was the first day I had slept without my daughter by my side, she was staying the night at the sitters where we had a birthday for one of the kids. She had already fallen asleep and since we were going to drop her off anyways the next day, we thought we’d just let her sleep it out until the next morning. Well, that night I woke up at least 2 times even though I knew she was not sleeping next to me and therefore would not be crying for milk.

3 Weight loss for the mama
You’ve either lost most of your weight, or you’re thinking of starting to lose weight.

I’ve lost inches but not any of the kilos. Can’t bear to look at any weights for the meantime but I’m getting there. I think.

Six months is a long time. But I doubt that I would put that much effort if it wasn’t for because I’ve put on the pounds due to the pregnancy. I think at this rate, I can go thinner than my weight before I got pregnant.

I wish lar.

4 Lagging behind at work for the mama and the papa
Well, what do you suppose will happen?
You’re not getting enough sleep.
The effects of the anaesthesia is still lingering in your system (old wives’ tale I know but there are effects to your memory and speech patterns).
You’re not as articulate as before.
You get slower.
You are slower.
And most of all, you want to spend every possible moment with your new child. Even if it means getting only 6 hours of sleep every night, with interruptions in between.

5 You can’t wait for her to grow up and called your mummy and daddy.
There’s got to be one good thing out of all of this. And when I hear my daughter call me mummy, that would be it.

Top that, MJ!

Getting pregnant: It's not as easy as it sounds.

I was talking to a colleague yesterday. In my job, there are only three kinds of editors in the academic line: the Science geeks, the sastera or literature geeks and the Maths geeks. Okay, geek is a strong word... but it summarizes how we are in each field/subject.

My colleague is in the Maths category and so she is good with numbers but a dunce in everything general, worldly or scientific. As she only worked with the company for a year, she is relatively a newbie in the working world, hasn't gotten her own car or house yet, has not got married and has not started thinking about having kids. 

My discussions with her are usually one-way: me dispensing geeky information and she, absorbing it. Which is a good combo as I like dispensing and she likes absorbing. 

Our topic for yesterday: how easy is it to get pregnant?

Despite the many times you've heard a couple getting pregnant 'accidentally' (unplanned), a pregnancy is not as easy to come by as one might think. There are so many obstacles to this process of making a new individual out of two cells an ovum and a sperm. I promise you this explanation is child-safe and good to know if you want to or do not want to get pregnant in the short run.

There are several obstacles preventing a fertile healthy woman from getting pregnant.

Obstacle 1: Timing

You know that 'golden' time of the month that women have... yeah, the time when she is most fertile. It is in a small window of three days only around Day 14 to Day 17 of her menstrual cycle. Ok, before I lose you there, here are some basic information you may need. 

A menstrual cycle is calculated based on the fact that the first day you menstruate is Day 1. If your menstrual lasts for 7 days, then your fertile period would be another 7 days after the last day of your menstruation period. Now that we are clear on that... If a couple is to engage in sexual activity within those three days, it is highly likely that the sperm cell can meet the ovum. For some women it is a 5-day window. Results may vary.

Obstacle 2: Which way?

The good news is a normal woman has 2 ovaries and 2 fallopian tubes. The bad news is only one ovary will release one egg every month. There is no telling which ovaries will do the releasing every month and it is not like they take turns and alternate without fail. If the sperm cells were to take the wrong turn then they made the journey for nothing. Sorry, mates.

Then again there are millions of mates to ensure that they can always divide and conquer both ovaries. And as all textbooks tell you, only one will be rewarded for the journey. This is what they claim 'the strongest and fittest cell amongst the millions of others to survive the journey and be rewarded with fertilisation.'

Obstacle 3: Divide and conquer

Once the sperm cell meets the ovum and fertilization occurs, a zygote is form. This is a single cell which will eventually divide into two cells, then four then eight and continue exponentially until a blastomere is formed. As long as there is division, there is hope. If division stops, then no new individual will form. This is also the stage which determines whether there will be only one baby, two babies or more.

Obstacle 4: Making connections

The blastomere will make its way along the fallopian tube and by the time it exits the fallopian tube, it will turn into a blastocyst. It must then embed itself on the uterine wall where the placenta and the umbilical cord will form. Implantations that occur outside of the uterus, for instance, in the fallopian tube, are known as ectopic pregnancies. These pregnancies may pose an element of danger to the mother and the developing foetus.

Obstacle 5: 10 months when anything can go wrong

A baby develops from a single cell over a period of 40 weeks which is actually 10 months instead of nine. In the medical field, those 40 weeks are divided into three trimesters. The embryo is most fragile in the first trimester, partly because most women do not know that they are pregnant until the embryo is entering its second month. The second trimester is when most of the basic structures develop and the third trimester is when the babies put on weight. This would explain why babies on average only weight 1.5 kg in the womb in the 7th month of pregnancy. Their weights can balloon up til 3 or 4 kgs by the time they leave the womb.

The mother is constantly tired as her baby acts like a parasite, sucking up nutrients (like calcium from bones) and causing discomfort to the mother by way of a tummy that gets so big, it gets in the way of everything. She must be careful not to fall, have her tummy hit or injured in anyway that could harm the baby inside. She is also prone to many diseases like diabetes or high blood pressure during her pregnancy. This is hazardous to the mother and the baby though the condition can still be controlled through diet or with medication.

During this period it is also very important for the mother to keepsafe herself and her baby physically and in the form of her food, or more precisely, her nutrient intake. Having an overweight baby could cause the baby's heart to stop, although why this happen, scientists have yet to discover. In other cases, the embryo may not develop correctly and halfway through the pregnancy, be discovered as a lump of flesh only. Babies may also have a hard time gaining weight during the third trimester for reasons unknown and while the mother keeps putting on the pounds, they hover at the slightly below 3 kg range until they get delivered. 

Heavier babies are also harder to deliver although smaller babies may also cause complications during labour due to being in a breech position (standing upright instead of the preferred bottoms up!). A baby may also have the umbilical cord tight around their necks which prompts a C-section instead of a normal delivery. 

And those are just some of the things that can go wrong.

Obstacle 6: Going through the whole 10 months willingly 

Knowing Obstacle 5, you can be sure many women are reluctant to go through a pregnancy, as so many things can go wrong. Apart from those listed, there are other symptoms that affect the pregnant mother. Some mothers develop gestational diabetes during the pregnancy which goes away by itself after labour; me included. This is due to the changes in the mother's hormone levels during the pregnancy. Other symptoms may include bleeding gums, pigmentation on the face, underarms and other parts of the body, nausea and constant wretching known as 'morning sickness'  though it happens throughout the day (and at night), constant lethargy and itchiness as well as rashes on the thighs, stomach or the back. The constant throwing up is enough to make one give up.

So how is it that there are 6 billion people in the world today? That means that there were 6 billion pregnancies that had overcome all the obstacles above; statements of human perseverance overcoming the insurmountable. Plus, women get angry easily but they forget just as easily too. That is why we are the sex that was given the task of bringing life into the world. 

Be proud to be women. 

Be proud to be mothers.

Taking care of the future

One of the hottest topic on local news now regards the sandwiched generation and their commitments to the people who took care of them and to the people they are to take care of.

I've been following the opinion letters written in by people who shared their experiences with their parents and why they chose to or not to take care of their elderlies. Some says that it is not hard to take care of old people, some say that it is, some wants the government to intervene to ease their financial burdens (as they do in every single issue of their life) and some even stated that it was not worth it.

This makes me really sad. Not because I revel in the need to have everyone taken care by someone to find peace in this world, but that in reality, not all parents are good and not all children who dump their parents in old folks' homes are bad. I know of kids who never speak to their fathers (my husband is in that category a while ago), fathers who do not bother helping their wives to take care of their babies and mothers who would sell their kids in an instant to make a few extra cash.

The problem is, with parenting, you do not need any pre-requisites or qualifications to be a parent. You can suck at it and still be able to call yourself a father or a mother. But if I believe in there being a supreme being out there watching over us, I'd like to believe in karma and an eye being for an eye.

Your child will repeat what you do. It's part of their learning process. So if they see you drop your parents in a government hospital then refuse to pay the bills so they stay in there, don't be surprised or upset if they do the same to you by the time you reach your golden years.

As for those who love their children to bits and expect that they return the favour when they are grown up, I say do yourself and your kids a favour. Stash some money for yourself and for your partner. Just because you're vegetarian, it doesn't mean an angry bull will not charge at you. Get out of the way first before you give it a reason to knock you down. Similarly, help yourself first so you can help your kids help you. If you think things are too expensive now, it will get worse when your kid is out there in the working world.

1 step forward, 3 steps back.

Summarized version: After less than a decade of trying to teach math and science in English in Malaysia, the government has decided to revert to the national language and mother tongues instead. Given reasons include: failure of students to achieve results that are as good as the time of BM, the increasing gap between the achievements of urban students and rural students and the lack of proficient teachers to achieve the goals.

One and C, I get. But the gap answer? Really makes the blood boil.

Needless to say, I was and am utterly disappointed with the current Ministry of Education. And I am not alone in this.

At the point of this writing, 86% have said No to Tun Mahathir's Poll question: Do you support the government's decision to teach Math and Science in Bahasa Malaysia?

But apparently our Education Ministry is not in constant contact with the same 86%. It is being one with nature, going back to the people in rural areas, those who have no streamyx connection, cybercafes, or simply, a dependable electricity supply.

Apparently, the ministry is trying to play saviour to students who live in kampong areas, who couldn't keep up with the rest of the nation seemingly, solely, because sci and maths were taught in English.

Eh-yup, just because of that.

No, the lack of basic necessities like a steady supply of water and lights is not part of the cause.

It is also not the lack of a proper tarred road that leads to their school or a reliable mode of transport that will get them to school, and home before sundown.

It is also not the fact that most teachers are reluctant to go teach in rural areas.

It is also not the fact that kids in rural areas find no need for them to get themselves a proper education because unlike their urbanite peers, they need not be lawyers or doctors or engineers. They just need to be able to count, read, write, speak the national language, and they're set for life.

Nope, their results suck solely because science and maths were taught in English in the past 6 years. Wow, that really stopped them from really achieving great heights.

In Darwin's Survival of the Fittest paper, or maybe an anecdote attached to the concept, it was said that A herd is only as fast as its weakest link. Simply put, when you are in a group fighting against the elements, your achievements are bogged down by the weakest member in your group. In a herd of buffaloes, the weakest link is the young, or the old, or the sickly/injured, or the clueless. Fortunately, nature has its way to weed out these weak links.

They are called predators.

Humans and nature, well, they don't mix well.

I once heard that humans are the only animals that let misfits live among them. A horse with a broken leg will be shot in an instant. An unemployed man with a broken leg will get benefits from the government.

We.. nature... not to be mixed... nope. mm-mmm.

So when a policy is reversed with the given reason that the weakest bunch of students gets an average of fail in class, and not because of political reasons.. you know that we .. are... screwed.

Sigh, I need to earn more money to send Eva to an English medium school because our government has retracted the only advantage the damn system can give Malaysian kids to compete with the rest of the world.

We should make cabinet ministers send their kids to national schools. I'm quite sure they will revert back to English in 2013.

Some help from the Internet: DrGreene.com

The Internet being such a huge pot of useful and useless information, sometimes and surprisingly reveals relevant information that would actually help make your life easier. Before you go thinking that I've found the answer to life itself, no, I found the next best thing for new parents!

Drgreene.com is a website that focuses on the upbringing and handling of children from the prenatal stage to their teens.

I'm currently interested in the Newborn section but you are welcome to look through everywhere else for probable answers to questions, regarding children, that have been bugging you.

As an example, it is in this site where I found the differences between a normal pacifier and an orthodontist pacifier.

I also found out that a newborn's coughing is actually a dangerous sign that parents need to look out for. Gave me a scare because Eva had been coughing (at first I thought she was just vying for attention) or mimicking the cough sound ever since we gave her the pacifier.

And I have overcome my fear of the baby's soft spot (up there on the head, above the forehead, the pulsing region, yeah, that one)... let's just say that the baby will not suffer a concussion if she falls on her head even though the soft spots (yes, there are more than one. Actually there are six. You have to go to DrGreene.com) have not toughened up.

Now, excuse me while I go view videos on bathing babies.

Dad's day

Father's Day coming up and the usual comparison of the contribution from fathers and mothers is sure to follow. For those of you who are still clueless, it's on the THIRD Sunday of June.

Don't ask me why they chose that day. The reason somehow isn't curious enough to send me to a Google Search frenzy... Ok, fine, I'm getting lazier by the day from the fatigue and constant interruption of a train of thought by my princess (soon to be Queen judging by her short fuse and level of IMpatience).

I'm sure they have a good reason for not having it on the second Sunday of June, parallel with Mother's Day. Come to think of it, maybe it's because the sacrifices and contributions coming from either parent is incomparable yet somehow equally significant in a child's life. And therefore even though the fathers are not the one carrying the child for 9 mths and suffering the consequences thereafter, they have their own ways of making a child's life special.

For one thing, the father is the bringer of bread. Nowadays, he's the bringer of fast food; a break from the usual mundane food mom always makes for the kids: porridge, milk, rice, soup... nutritious but... after awhile you need to get some MSG into the system.

Then, the father is the one who does all the carrying during short trips to shopping malls or the playground. The reason being that he is usually busy at work and therefore lacks the opportunity to spend quality time with the kids aka being a slave to them aka doing mom's weekday job during the weekends.

The father is also the appeal court. That means when mom says NO, there is a high probability that dad can still say YES, as long as you don't ask him in front of Mom and if are good with the puppy-dog eye thing that Bolt does.

I is so cute!

Fathers are suckers for daughters. I have one and my daughter has one. We are living proof that fathers can never say no to their daughters, unless it has to do with boyfriends, piercings and tattoos. It's worse when the daughter is the firstborn and you are the wife. Now I know how my mother feels.

And you know what? Fathers cry too. They can't show it to you or to anyone else but the hurt that the mother feels, it is felt 100% by the father as well. Sometimes the burden is worse because they have to be the pillar of strength for the wife to lean on. So, yeah.. dad's have it tough too.

So to everyone out there, if you are celebrating Father's Day, sit back and really think of why you are celebrating it. This, like Mother's Day, is an occasion that should not be commercialized no matter what the media says.

And if you are not celebrating Father's Day, maybe this year, you should.

Happy Father's Day!

Confinement laday~~

Seriously, GET a confinement lady. Because:

1 They will take good care of your child. They have more experience than you and are less likely to screw up and you can get firsthand demonstrations on how to handle a newborn or more specifically your next newborn.

2 It will take a toll on you or your husband or both. It here refers to the sporadic feeding times, the nappy changes, the irritating confinement rules, the fear-inducing cries of your baby and parenthood. Yes, IT is scary. With clowns or without.

3 Mothers or Mother in laws are not much help. They pamper the baby too much. Everytime she cries it is because she is hungry, hungry and hungry. And if you gave birth to that baby, you are the one who will be changing the nappy.

4 Money can be earned back. Resentment towards your partner and your baby is not worth saving RM3k. And if you can't fork out the money, why the heck are you pregnant in the first place? Plan ahead. Plus, it hurts really bad when you can't afford to give your child what she/he wants, needs or deserves.

Oprah makes me cry

A couple with a baby with Trisomy 18 and who is said, by doctors, will not survive childbirth. Their story is told through the power of technology, but the experience itself is told with such pure honesty.. oh, just watch the video.



See the video which reduced Oprah Winfrey and Celine Dion to tears.

Caution: You will cry. Get a box of tissue ready.

To whack or not to whack

Russell Peters was right. Asian people whack their kids. They whack their kids hard. But what are the repercussions of this century-old way of Asian upbringing?

My mother told me a story that popped into my head whilst I was writing this:

A household of four generations of women lived together in which one day the youngest, a child of 8, asked her mother why she always cut the edges off the sausages before putting them into the frying pan.

The mother said that she didn't know, but that was how her mother had been making the sausages since she was a little girl.

After the little girl pressed on, and out of curiousity, the mother asked the grandmother the reason behind this suddenly weird and senseless practice... only to find that the grandmother had no idea why either.

So off the three went to the great-grandmother, who was reading her newspaper through her fishing bowl glasses. She looked at them with her 80-year- old squinty eyes, smacked her lips and said:

"Why, our frying pan was too small to house the sausages, so we had to cut the tip of the sausages off to make the damn sausages fit! Now go away and leave me in peace!"

With that ending, my mother also left a cautionary note, that it is sometimes more practical to question how some things had been done all this while, than to just take it at face value. Of course, this particular story sounds more like an anecdote and no harm ever came from having to cut off the edges of sausages before they are cooked, but what about the other traditions that we are to follow, based on what our great-grandmothers tell us?

Being beaten for some Asians can be construed as a symbolic gesture of being loved (and I say this loosely) because it is not uncommon in Asian countries that children are beaten as they grew up. It's not as bad as it sounds: parents use clothes hangers, belts, wooden spoons, the back of their hands and rattan canes they call rotan.

Aahh.. the rotan. That was a huge hit in schools back in the days when teachers are still allowed to cane students for disciplinary problems. After awhile, some smart alec went overseas then came back and figured out it was 'inhumane' to put children through this form of capital punishment and banned rotans from school. And that's when everything went haywire and crime skyrocketed among students. But that's another story.

Like all of my peers, I grew up with beatings and with a lot of medicated oil for relief afterwards; my husband was beaten by a teacher in school for not doing his homework. Til this day, he remembers the name of the teacher who gave him bruises on his backside. I think that that was the reason the teacher did it... to be remembered.

Anyways, my husband's parents never lifted a finger at him, although his older brother did. The mother of a friend of mine broke a wooden spoon when she was disciplining her. She bought another spoon the next day. Then, there was another boy classmate who takes the beatings in the form of a hose. I'm not sure if that works. But my parents chose leather belts as their prime arsenal. They had four daughters and we turned out okay. In fact, my mother said that we were easier to handle than her grandkids, and I believe her.

Speaking of the third generation, kids nowadays don't get beaten for anything. You have globalization to thank for that. Now, to be safe and to prevent heart attacks in some of those reading this, we have to define the word: beat. The beating I'm talking about here isn't the Rihanna type. It ranges from a slap on the palm, a tick behind the ear, the twisting of the earlobes to a full-out whack on a diaper-padded bottom. The kids were never in any harm's way, and yet this low-level form of violence (if you can call it that) were not even extended to them.

And the no.1 reason I hear as the main excuse is: They don't know better. They're too young.

Lady, in the wise words of Russell Peters: beat your kids.

If they know how to play with fire, knives or power sockets, they know enough to be given a whack. Similarly, if they know how to cause harm to another human being, leading to the death of that human being... I don't care if you are 10, you are going to hang for that. The more civilised society has become, the more understanding we are, the more threat we put ourselves into... and we tend to not own up to what are supposed to be our responsibilities.

You see this in many developed countries. One shoots up a whole community because he loses a job. Another, because he couldn't speak English or communicate with another person. Kids who couldn't take the bullying in school takes his father's gun to school and to his classmates and teacher, then to themselves. In Japan a few years back a guy storms a kindergarden, killing innocent children who can barely pronounce their a i u e o, whilst illegal immigrants here rob, kidnap and kill locals because they are out of work and they have family members to feed.

None of these people are actually sorry. They were pressed, they were influenced by the need to counterattack when provoked but none of them actually took responsibility for their actions. And that is very worrying. But to most of them, it is acceptable because they had been pushed to a corner and they are just retaliating. It's like how they say, things that were criminal in normal society are not necessarily criminal in times of war.

But I digressed.

Children need to be taught the idea and concept of responsibility at a very young age. They have to understand that everything they do have consequences and perhaps by teaching them young, we might actually help save the future generation from self-annihilation.

The future seems so grim, suddenly. Or maybe it's just the coffee talking.