PATIENCE IS VIRTUE WITH KIDS

If you do not have the patience to deal with a child, make it.

Yes, make patience, form it, develop it, rough it out. No matter how hard it is going to be for you, you really need to be patient with your children especially during their pre-vocab periods.

Here are three instances when I took the time to really try to understand my child (who turns two at the end of April) rather than lose my temper with her and it solved every mystery!

(A) Mystery #1: A squinting matter

Eva has been watching TV really close up lately. I did not understand why she had to do that every single time her favourite programmes were on. Was it because she wants to be upclose and personal with her favourite characters? Does she have eyesight problems? Hearing problems? 

We had several screaming matches because of it (she was the one screaming most of the time): "Sofa, Eva. Go sit at the sofa. Please don't watch TV so upclose. You will be wearing glasses by kindergarden." "kappa kappa nehno nah? NO!!!!" 

Sigh.

Apparently the real answer was revealed only when I took the time to sit down with her and watch a show, this time it was Mickey Mouse Clubhouse (highly recommended for toddlers).

  

The sofa is a good six to eight feet away from the TV. The discrepancy is due to the sofa being shifted front and back as it is not propped up against a wall. Up above, we installed a false panel with six appropriately placed lights to evenly light up the living room. It was eventually identified as the culprit to her fascination with the TV in close vicinity. 

The lights were making it difficult for her to see the TV screen! Even I was having a hard time absorbing the bright colours of the show AND the lights positioned at the two corners of my eyes. Ever since I swapped the lights for a row of lights shining behind the sofa (as opposed to in front of the sofa), she has kept herself to the middle of the living room or right at the far end where the sofa is. 

(B) Mystery #2: Scary doors

Eva was making a fuss of sleeping by herself, as in without me sitting right next to her and doing nothing but watch her drift into dreamland - it was unusual to say the least. She would be frightened (hands tapping on her chest and saying "pa pa" which was the signal for being scared) to be in our bedroom, with the lights out or with the door closed. Now before you freak yourself out with stories of the paranormal, believe me, the real answer was far from that.

I had just submitted a project within its deadline and found some time (and the need!) to take a nap. Hence, I took one, with Eva, on our bed. Suddenly I heard thumping noises coming from the attached bathroom. The noises were caused by the low pressure inside the bathroom, where we kept two bathroom windows slightly opened to clear the air of fumes and other odors, when it gets windy around our condo. 

Eva immediately sat up and did the pa pa signal and I figured out that it was the noises from the bathroom door that caused all that fear of taking naps during the afternoon. I put a piece of towel or cloth to stop the door from shutting and the noise were also muffled.

Eva slept really well after that.

(C) Mystery #3: Playing with water

Eva was really testing me the last three days during bath time. She refuses to let me wash her hair, or dry it afterwards. She also refuses to leave the bathroom after we were done with her bath. Lastly, she kept playing with the water that was rushing towards the drainage pipe, dirty water that were cleansed off her body and hair. 

She would cry and throw tantrums in front of the bathroom for a long time, half an hour of pure screaming and never-ending tears. When I finally couldn't take it, I let her dad take over the bathing for awhile, which he did, without a single tear from Eva. 

As I observed the way he did it, I figured that we both had different approaches to giving Eva her bath. Mine was quick and easy, minimizing the use of water and getting her out as quick as possible so that she won't catch a cold. His was a lingering time in the bathtub with a lot of fun and plenty of time for him to dry her hair properly before she leaves warmth of the bathroom.

While both our methods had its strengths and weaknesses, Eva obviously prefers her dad's more fun bathing methods and therefore throws tantrums whenever I don't follow his method. I also had to explain to my husband why I don't want to. "What if we had to take baths at other places for example, like our parent's houses, where there are no bathtubs? And what do you think about using so much of their water for a simple bath for a toddler?" His response: "We can always use the basins to wash clothes in" and "Why won't they let a toddler take a fun bath?" 

The jury is still out on that but that's another story altogether.

So if your toddler is giving you a hard time, throwing tantrums left right and centre, take a few minutes out of your busy schedule and just sit down with them or go through the process together with them, view things from their perspective, and you might be able to put these tantrums to rest in no time. 

best of luck! - Mama Sing.

WORKING FROM HOME: A SERIOUS MATTER

It has always been a dream for me to be able to work from home, for a few reasons. 
A. I get to accompany my husband, who has been working from home for an employer who is in the United States. 
B. I get to spend more time with my daughter, and mould her into the minion that I want her to be (buahahahhaa)
C. I get to learn to become a better cook.
D. I don't have to waste my time, or waste away my health by dealing with the horrible process of commuting to work. and lastly...
E. No office politics (yay!)

However, little did I know that working from home would come with a full set of new problems that would make one want to throw in the towel within the first two weeks alone. Here's what happened:

I quit my previous job in late 2010 and found myself in a new home, in new surroundings and a ton of creases that needs stomping out. Basically, I got my own home already (hurray!) - which practically came without an internet connection or cable TV. We also had to start looking for new places to shop for raw materials, as well as new places to dine in, and let's not forget new recipes to apply to our daily makan routine.

Along the way, I was lucky to have been given several jobs by an ex-employer, on a freelance basis that pays alright for someone who doesn't have to step out of her house to get some dough. 

In the meantime, my daughter was trying to get used to having to face both her doting parents every single day, and by that I meant, she was trying to figure out what are the best ways to manipulate us into giving all that she wants. Oh.... I will count the ways. 

Needless to say, Havoc ruled the first three months I was here. 

But then... 

Things began to fall into place around chinese new year. 

For starters, my husband and I have established that we will share the household chores although he rules the kitchen more and I rule the washing machine more (no complaints there). We finally got our Unifi connection, 2Mbps (thank you)

As for being perfect parents, we are far from it, usually leaving Eva to the mercy of the idiot box (no complaints there either) until one night, she woke up at around 3.30am and asked (more like screamed) to watch Elmo. 

Her needy condition led to both her parents ending up in fights, arguments and tantrums (I don't wanna watch her, you watch her) and it had gotten so bad that one day I told my husband that I want to stop freelancing and just watch Eva, due to Fact 1: he is the breadwinner of the family and Fact 2: since I am without a stable income, whenever he is busy I HAVE to drop EVERYTHING to watch Eva... might as well make it permanent. 

That's when he came up with the idea of having the SCHEDULE.

The schedule

Eva sleeps at around 11pm at night (that's early for her) and will wake up between 10 am and 11.30 am. So my schedule turns out to be from 12pm to 6pm, after which her dad will take over from 6am until she goes to sleep. If you think that doesn't sound fair, Eva does take a two-hour nap at around 2pm to 4pm and while it is easier to let her nap, it is a whole other thing to get her to go to sleep at night. Initially, I was pleased with the arrangement, until I realised that by the time I am done looking after Eva at 6pm, it will be dinner time, and that coupled with a LONG day would make me too tired to do anything else. 

I struggled for about two weeks, before asking for a flip with my husband. Turns out the switch was useless since he takes some afternoons off to Skype with his employer in the U.S.

We reached a dead-end once again. So what happens next? My work got delayed pretty badly and it got me really worked up that I can't deliver as punctual as I used to no more. So what they hey, I'm already screwed, why not take this time to just hang out with my kid? And hung out I did, and I discovered something extraordinary.

They just want you to listen.

Maybe it's just Eva (who's barely 2), but I hope it's the same with all kids, but kids like her, all they really want is for you to just listen. Once they pass the 18-month mark, they undergo a sort of transformation that allows them to be self-conscious. They understand what they want and will demand for it and even though they can't talk, they will find other means to let you know they want that banana or more milk, or just an empty bowl to bang around for fun. And the magic happens when you stop and just listen to them. 

For example, I once asked Eva when she was around 19-mth old if she would want milk. She would stare at me like I'm a statue and then she would look to the side for something else to stare at, then look back at me and then nod. Eventually that nod evolved into repeating the word I use for milk "neh-neh" repeatly until I get it and start making her a bottle of milk. Later on, our conversation would become something like "Do you want milk/neh-neh?" Eva: "Neh-neh? Yao (I want)". Up until now she would say this, as if to confirm if I am offering her neh-neh (as opposed to biscuits or fruit or yogurt etc), and then saying "yao" I want or "bu yao: I don't want. 

Until early February, I've never realised what a connection Eva and I have established until her father got some time off to actually watch over her while I catch up with my work. He was having a rough time for a bit and had resorted to using the back of his hand to deliver messages to her daughter, like "time to take a bath", "do you want milk or not?", and "stop wriggling around and put your pajamas on" whereas when I take over from him I got her to do those things with less of a hassle on my part, and less of pain on her buttocks on her part. I told Eva's dad repeatedly to be gentle with her and to listen to her but I guess by that time Eva had decided that she could only trust one person, and I had the luck to be the one she chose to trust. 

Eva took full advantage of being the mama's girl, demanding things by doing what I ask her to do, up to a point where she is starting to show the effects of being over-pampered. When her grandfather came over to stay around two weeks ago, he confirmed this state of affairs by saying that she is a spoilt brat. So again we went all flexible with this parenting gig and started changing our modus operandi again. 
I introduce the clothes hanger.

To be continued...

WORK LIFE BALANCE, YA RIGHT?

It is doable. You just have to be tough enough to rough it out. Work-life balance is for most the 'holy grail' but it isn't that hard to get. Really.

There are only 24 hours in a day; 8 hours are devoted to work, at least 2 hours to get to work and back, 3 hours for 3 meals (unless you skip breakfast), 2 hours (okay, maybe 2.5 hours) wasting time online, answering emails, on facebook, youtube, twitter etc, 7 hours of sleep and 2 hours in between for your toilet/washroom escapades, being sick, housechores, bill-paying, tv, cooking, washing, freaking out over your sick kid etc. 

How do you do it?

There is such a thing as work-life balance, it just means different things to different people. 

But there are a few rules that could actually help you get your act together.

No.1, Have a cut off point for everything. Give yourself enough time for work, and after you have used up all the alloted time, drop everything and continue on with your life. This means that if 8 hours is not enough, give yourself up to 10 or 12 hours, but beyond that, you have to stop thinking about work and focus on the other aspects of life.

No. 2, you don't have to be supermom all the time. This means that it is okay for you to skip some not so urgent matters so you can tend to the more urgent matters first. Not everything needs to be done right now. 

No. 3, know when you need a break, rest up and then get going again. Taking a break every week or so is a much better option than falling sick which will take you out for half a week; how will you ever catch up under such conditions? You don't. So, take a lot of fluids, vitamins if you need to, catch up on sleep after you've lost enough to keep you dizzy and start you on 24/7 IV fluids. Back down before you break down.

No. 4, be brutally honest when you find yourself trapped. 'Lizzie, before you go back for the night, do you think you can prepare the Johnsons' report for me by tomorrow? I have a meeting with them at 9am and I got a match to watch tonight so I'm too busy to do it even if the match ends at 11 and you had been camping at the office for the last two days.' 

You know when is a good time to just say NO.

No. 5, be brutally strict with your kid as well. Here is when a lot of parents screw up. They only exact discipline when they are in a bad mood, they had a rough day, they have a deadline to catch or when someone else is watching. Don't believe me? Have you ever seen parents who act like they are paralysed whenever they see their kid climb precariously onto an adult's chair? Then, they start scolding their kid when the kid does the same thing whenever someone comes to visit. 

Please, you're confusing the kid. How is the kid supposed to know whether or not they can or cannot climb dangerously onto chairs? They'd be more likely to think that they CAN do that when no one in particular is watching. That's when they start coming to you with bruises, injuries and wounds that 'come from nowhere'. 

Explain to the child that it is dangerous for them to do so, but allow them to climb onto the chair (or do any other it's only dangerous if you fall actions) with you around to act as the safety net. If the child falls, be there to comfort him or her, but do not react strongly (like shout when they fall or raise the tone of your voice) in the event this happens. What you can do is to nurse the pain for a bit, tell them that you told them to not climb because you knew this was going to happen. 

Explain to them also that if they do that again, they should use special precautions, be more careful or only do it when you are around in case they may fall again. You can't be there all the time but your child should understand that you will be there for them no matter what idiotic situations they get themselves in. You have to let your child grow before they can.

Best of luck, working parents out there!

NANNY 911

I don't know why I never heard of the show but Nanny 911 (on NTV7, Fridays, 830 to 930pm) is an awesome show where you can learn how to bring up kids - yours included - that you thought were unmanageable. 

There are four nannies; my favourite is stella who has her own page here. On each episode one of the nannies will be assigned to a problematic household, most of which have problems that will really really make you cringe, be suspended in a state of disbelief for an hour or just question whether or not the whole thing is scripted.

For instance, one family has a pig who has its own room inside the house. The mother was portrayed as a parent who loves the pet more than her own kids although I find that hard to believe, but stranger things have happened. Her younger daughter plays with poo (takes it right out of the diaper and flings it around) and both daughters eat their food off the floor and drinks out of a pet dish. Err... yeah, it was one of the worst cases I've seen so far. 

Worst still, the mother doesn't think that there is a problem with it. Although she was worried when the assigned nanny told her that she was running her home like a zoo, she was quite reluctant to change her ways and how she raises her kids. Fair enough, she has been doing it ever since the first child was born but somehow or rather (and this happens for ALL the episodes), within a week of the nanny being with the household, the parents will totally change for the better, the kids will be well mannered and their lifestyle will be more structured. THAT part, I find hard to believe but is willing to readily accept because like all Disney-raised kids, I love happy endings.

Still, there was one particular advice that really stuck to me, which was given by nanny Stella (hence, the reason she was my favourite). She mentioned three things that kids thrive on, structure, rewards and consequences(?) which meant that they must have a structured life, nap at 2pm, play at 4pm, set hours for food, baths, play etc. They also should be allowed the chance to make their own decisions, with all the options and consequences laid out before they should give their final verdict: 'If you jump from that couch one more time, you will be getting a ten-minute timeout at the corner of the room.' And they expect for the rule to be enforced, and strictly, I might add. 

I think it works for western kids I guess, being sent to bed without supper, being sent to their rooms or getting timeouts at the corner. I don't really see my daughter feeling punished over it but then we're on the other side of the world where we drive on the 'wrong side' of the road anyways. =)

I'm not sure what punishment I would allay on her hair but one thing is for sure, she has a fan in her dad, a fan who doubles as her superman, meaning... I am the bad cop, he will always be the good cop and I might add - the good cop who tops/veto/overrules the bad cop. Initially, I wasn't very happy with the idea, but after awhile, even he realises that there has to be a limit to everything and when he turns into the bad cop, and my daughter has nowhere to turn to, that is when she sheds her manipulative outlook and becomes the angel who we love and look forward to seeing and having. 

She stays in that mode for 48 hours tops. 

Anyways, Nanny 911 is very informative but Mama Sing would like to add that you don't have to follow every advice you see on the show down to the very last detail. Follow your intuition and know when to stop, when to hold your ground and when to act as the parents that they 'need' you to be.

AM I READY TO BE A PARENT?

If you are asking yourself this question now, chances are you're thinking about it, or you think that time is running out. Doesn't really matter whatever your actual reason is... if you are in your late 20s or early 30s, it's about time you start thinking about parenthood.

The Why
The why is almost as subjective as 'why do I love ice cream'? Personal preferences aside, here are some of the reasons why you are asking yourself if you are ready to be a parent.

1. Your friends are getting married or already posting their babies' 'fresh-out-of-the-oven' photos on facebook.

2. Your friends have started their one/two year hiatus from their usual 'social life' to deal with the needs of parenthood. They don't call it 'biting the dust' for no good reason.

3. You feel that your biological clock is ticking faster than you originally thought it would. Suddenly, 30 is too old an age to get pregnant.

4. Celebrities are already having babies left, right and centre. It was the latest trend two years ago but hey, if they're doing it...

5. You hear horror stories about how scary childbirth and pregnancy is the older you get. Check out my post on how not easy it is to get pregnant if you haven't already.

The impact (on your life)
Parenthood is not for the faint-hearted; no, seriously, I'm not kidding. It's also not for those who hasn't gotten over 'having a life'. With kids around, you don't get to sleep well, you keep looking at the time whenever you are out with friends, you pay through your nose to get someone else to watch over your kid, you worry whenever they do a bad job which would mean you need to look for a replacement; the list goes on... 4evar!

But as with the cons, there are pros too with parenthood. 

You learn to be more tolerant and patient with adults since you get all the practice when you deal with your kid(s). You grow up overnight, take on more responsibilities like cleaning their butts and having daily encounters with human excrements. You take better care of yourself so that you will be around longer to see your kids grow up, get married and have their own kids. You learn to love. You learn to forgive. When you do get some sleep, you sleep with a baby, like a baby. You become a more careful person, who plans ahead, who uses checklists, who drive within the speed limit, who buys stuff at a whim, who sheds the stress that you bring home from work the moment your kids call you mama or kisses you goodnight...

Simple pleasures of parenthood can easily outweigh the hardships. They are the reasons for siblings.

The how
Now, this part will need a little bit of education. No, not sex education. That part you already know from other parts of the Internet - we won't go there - but I'm talking more about knowing what you should prepare for before you get pregnant. 

You should be as healthy as possible at least a full year before getting pregnant. You should get your cycle straightened out and stabilised. You should stop smoking, drinking, taking drugs that are not prescribed by a doctor for an illness that could have been avoided, partying too late at night until you live on three hours of sleep daily (believe me you will get less in the first year you become a parent) and lastly you should be sure that your relationship with your partner is stable enough for the both of you to pull through the rough patches together. It is of course, easier said that done, but not necessarily undoable. Then again, if you are unwilling to give all that up, maybe parenthood is still not a zone you want to be in yet.

Lastly, the kids
They will be cheeky, naughty, mischievously fun, make you pull your hair one minute and then make you ooo and aaaa the next. They're wonderful creatures that absorb everything (good and bad) like a sponge and at times are a walking, talking mirror reflecting who you are without consciously faking it or disguising it. You'd be surprised what you see in their behaviour and their choice of words. You may not like it, but again it is a reminder of how you can change and try to be better. For what is the use of a parent, if not to guide children into society in the form of useful individuals who can and will do their part to help better the community for the greater good... or make bloody good ice cream. Yay!

Dream big!

DEDICATED PROFESSIONALS

It's too easy to take for granted the needs of our children. While it's natural to think that they are smaller, you would assume that their problems are so much easier to fix. You could not be more wrong.

THE DOCTOR

Believe me when I say that it is important to find the right doctor for your child, especially if they are at that age where you still need to carry them around. The right doctor would be able to handle their sickness and their symptoms more effectively with minimal tears. This will spell good news for you because if you have ever taken your newborn son or daughter to their first checkup, you would know how scary the whole experience can be.

Hence, it is important that you find a doctor who knows what he is doing AND is patient enough to give you his time of the day to make sure your child gets the attention 
he or she wants. 

My favourite doctor is a Dr Khoo who owns a child specialist clinic near Desa Medical Centre in Taman Desa. He was the first doctor to check and treat my daughter, and after having gone through at least two other doctors, Eva has taken a special liking to him. 

Doesn't mean she holds back her tears every time he shoots her up with vaccines though.

But still, you can see the amount of attention he puts into his patients, most of them at that age where they can't communicate to you what is wrong with them, where it is hurting, how bad it is hurting etc. In this case, I personally think, the level of patience he practised when treating them is key to his success with kids. 

He is really fast with the injections too. Once, I thought he was still playing around with Eva when in fact, he has already finished the injection as proven by the special plaster applied to the wound of the needle on her left thigh. He was just trying to divert her attention away from the pain. And he does a really good job at it too.

I highly recommend you taking your child to the KB Child Specialist clinic for a checkup whenever they are sick or when they need their shots, not because I think he is not as expensive as some of the other pediatricians around Klang Valley but if you want your child to be treated with the respect and love that you yourself give to them, he is the doctor to go to.
  

THE HAIR DRESSER

Eva has a healthy lock of hair despite her tender age of 15 months. Compared to other kids her age, she is a happy child without bald spots, who has hair plastered over her cheeks all the way to her nose on a really hot and sweaty day, and has totally finished her first bottle of Johnson baby shampoo within 14 months.  

Apart from having the genes of both her parents and all of her grandparents to thank, she owes her overwhelming crown to a hairdresser whose name until now I do not know yet, (Note to self, ask for her name next time I get my haircut). I shall name her Goddess of hair in tribute of her good advice. 

Goddess of hair told me that newborns should have their heads shaved at regular intervals, all the way until they are 1 year old to ensure healthy locks of hair. Before you freak out, bear in mind that you don't really take your child anywhere for long, until they are capable of at least sitting upright on their own on a baby chair or if they can take anything other than milk as their daily source of nutrition. Hence, it seems a valid thing to do.

Which we did until she was around 8 months old. After that, she had pretty much every cm of her head covered with hair already, so we guessed that was enough. If you don't think that it is necessary for kids to shave their heads, be prepared to face bald patches, uneven growth of hair all over, or hair that takes twice as long to grow to the same length in toddlers. It is not a nice sight, seriously. 
 

THE NANNY

This doesn't really need much explanation, except for a few signs where the nanny is not worthy of taking care of your child. Do take note if your kid is:

• suffering from regular doses of bruises or wounds from falls or knocking into things - there are some nannies who just stay within the proximity with the child but their minds are far far away, as in, in Genting.
• who sleeps a lot at odd hours of the day (hence is very active during night time and stays up as long as Mr Owl does) - chances are there's drowsy medication involved.
• gets sick a lot - some nannies like to 'share' things and mix and match. Illness transfer much more easily through these 'sharing is caring' moments so do take note. 
• in the midst of more kids than one can humanly handle - it's not worth the cheaper charges they offer if you need to take your kid to the doctors a lot. 

Pay attention to who you leave your kids with. Get the nanny's preferences or their point of view when it comes to education, or how you should treat kids etc. This gives you an inside view as to whether or not the nanny shares your point of view when it comes to upbringing practices etc. Voice out if you feel that they are not doing something right and even more so if your child always cry whenever you pass them to the nanny at the door.

THE RIGHT EQUIPMENT

Here are some of the 'equipment', medication and alternatives  I used for Eva within the first year. All photos below are from Amazon.com unless stated otherwise.

Anti-colic feeding bottles are very important but they are not all foolproof. This means that your child may still suffer from the effects of colic which will make them uncomfortable after a feeding if you do not burp them immediately after or sometimes in between feedings.  Nonetheless I still recommend using the Phillips Avent bottles.

Anti colic feeding bottles - Phillips Avent bottles 

To ease the discomfort that may be caused by a bloated stomach (from the inability to digest some of the food stuff due to a weak or maturing digestive system), use Gripe water. The effectiveness is astounding.   

 

 To clear bloatness or stomach discomfort - Woodwards Gripe water 

Some babies do not need pacifiers while others cannot do anything, including sleep, without it. That doesn't mean that you should just get any pacifier from a store and plug it into your baby. Opt for orthodontic pacifiers that are structured to help your baby grow their teeth out properly but only if they can adapt to the structure. Remember that most of the time, your child is the one who chooses these items, regardless of how one alternative can be beneficial for them compared to others. 

If they can't adapt to the better alternative but still need pacifiers, look for those by Phillips Avent. They have a different design for below 6 month-old babies and 18 month-old babies. The size makes all the difference and before you know it, your child will be 'spitting' out the smaller pacifiers because they just don't fit no more. I replaced my daughter's 2 pacifiers only when she turned 1 even though I'm supposed to get her a new one every three months. Darn buggers are expensive but worth every penny in the RM14 price zone.

The original pair were still in working order; Eva just outgrew the size of the pacifiers. So far, she has six to her name already. I'm hoping she will outgrow them all soon.

 

  Pacifiers (free flow) - Phillips Avent BPA Free pacifiers 

Huggies has a range of diapers for newborns, small size, med size and large sizes. They also have the dry pants type, the dry type, the dry comfort type, ultra and newborn. Eva is loving the New and Improved 'Dry Comfort' one that is in red (but not as pictured below). Visit this link for the full range of diapers available by the brand.

 

  Diapers - Huggies Dry Comfort (Huggies.com.my) 

Baby wipes are darn important and you won't know how important they are until you find that your baby has pooped in an area where there are no baby facilities and the toilets are so darn dirty you won't even poop in there even if they paid you.

Wipes should be fragrance-free to prevent any form of allergies or rashes forming on their private areas. Rashes are a consistent source of discomfort to your baby and can actually be a sign of something more sinister lurking in the creases of your baby's bum bum. There are many baby creams that I can recommend to you to get rid of the rashes, or talcum powders and such, but the best way to clear rashes is to air their bum bums (think cotton/cloth napkins) or just prevent the rashes from the start. I suggest Pureen's baby wipes.

 Baby wipes (fragrance free) - Pureen (from pureen.com.sg)

Last and most importantly, baby formula! Now I know that Enfalac/Enfagrow seems to be the best milk around (according to the ads and heavy marketing tactics out there) but I swear by Anmum when it comes to weaning your kids off baby formula to normal foods. The few kids that I've seen and know grew up with Enfa milk have a hard time getting their appetites up for normal food like cereals, rice, noodles etc. Bread and junk food they can deal with but that's not a long term solution, is it?

Don't have to take my word for it, give it a shot. Anmum's only side effect I can see so far is that the baby sweats a lot, hence you may need to invest in air-conditioning for hot nights - which isn't exactly a stretch of your budget since Malaysia is so darn hot in the first place... might as well get that Panasonic Inverter AC installed straight away.

 

Milk formula - Anmum Essentials 1, 2 and 3 (alibaba.com)

And there you have it. It may or may not work with your baby as each baby is different but there will be a need for a lot of trial-and-error to get the best equipment and person for your baby's well-being. All the best and Good luck!

 

HAVING HER SAY

Eva is now 14 and and three-quarter months' old. She can hold her own bottle, walk unaided, stand in a very stable manner, wave goodbye and understand that it means you are going away, and manage a few phrases like 'mam mam' for food, 'mm mm' for I need to do big biz (toilet style), 'bu yao' for I don't want (to), 'mei you' for don't have / don't want to, and my personal favourite 'Ah-pah!' for her dad. She refuses to acknowledge my position by name, preferring crying or screaming instead.

Just the other day, at 530 in the morning, she twitched in her sleep, then sat up and without opening her eyes said, 'Mummee, neneh!' translation: Mummy, I need food/milk! I immediately jumped into action and made her milk, which she just as quick finished before passing back the bottle to me, then flipped over to continue her beauty sleep.
I was left beaming with pride and a short bout of insomnia ensued until the next morning.

---

Today she showed me a new 'trick'. 

We went to a new Jusco which opened in the Sungai Long area. Having just received RM50 voucher from my workplace for 'good behaviour' [lol], I took Eva to the toy section to pick out a stuffed toy. She really did choose one of the toys based on her taste.
Mickey was more of a - hmm, it's okay although I wouldn't mind another type. Eeyore was a total no-no. She has enough Winnie the poohs at home, and piglet drew no response from her.

In the end, she opted for a weird-looking rat-slash-rabbit with dangerous-looking whiskers (told you it was weird), which I chose not to buy because... well, it looked weird what! 

On our way out of the store and back to the car park, she stopped by a DIY store where a row of odd-placed items sat near one of the display windows. There was a fortune cat on display - the type which has a solar-powered flipping arm that continues moving whether you like it or not. Eva stood near the window then waved back at the cat, then walked a few steps in front, slap herself onto the window display and kept pointing at the cat, to no one's attention in particular. She hardly noticed that I was there. After about two minutes, I grabbed her and left the place because ppl inside the store were looking and she kept turning back and pointing at the direction of the cat. 


It's going to be a long 18 years before she moves out on her own, but I'm looking forward to every minute of it!

THE FATHER'S SIDE

Times are changing. Let me count the ways:

1. More and more couples are becoming working couples. Each family or household need breadwinnerS.

2. Houses are getting more and more expensive. In-laws are bound to stay with you - there are pros and cons but don't shoot down the idea yet.


3. Women are losing the art of housekeeping, cooking, sewing, laundry-ing and child upbringing because they are trying to get in touch with the feminist side - in short, they are turning into men! (For the rest of us, it's usually just an excuse to not have to know all these things just because you are female. I blame my mother... who blames hers.)


4. LIfestyle requirements are getting more materialistic but tables are turning and people are going back to trying to figure out what 'family values' really mean. It's a trend that is becoming outdated as we speak.


5. Fathers are getting awesomer and awesomer.


Celebrating father's day.
It's common knowledge that Mother's day is the second Sunday of May but rarely do people know or remember that Father's day is the third Sunday of June. Actually, when they started celebrating Father's day back in the early 1900's during Sonora Smart Dodd's time (She was the person responsible for the popularization of the Father's day idea after she and her five siblings were brought up single-handedly by an awesome father after the death of his wife when Smart was 16), some actually laughed at the idea of celebrating their beer-bellied fathers during the weekends when they were actually home.


Time's a changing.


Eva's dad can make porridge for her, change her diaper, bathe and wash her bum bum when she poops, play with her, give her naps, make her milk, chocolate or water at the right temperature of her liking for her and still have time for his work, his wife and Facebook.


While I can still see many friends of his shunning the idea with helping out in parental duties' like checking the diaper when they smell something sour in the air, the winds of change is starting to take care of that. Nowadays, I see more fathers pushing the pram while their wives' shop in the departmental stores for the latest trend and baby fashion available, and there were times when I saw a father feeding the baby on the seats outside Jusco stores. 

Even when they can't - or prefer not to - help out with the chores, there are many things that they are doing for the sake of the family. 

Some give up smoking upon becoming a father, others frequent pubs and mamak stalls less to spend more time at home. Others are more sensitive to their wives, taking the time to actually sit down and play with their kids while the wife experiences the rare luxury of a proper bath that lasts longer than 5 seconds. 

No longer are fathers of today allowed to declare 'bringing the bacon home' the only thing fathers can do, and do best. A new game is at hand and if you want to celebrate your Father's day full-blown next year, get your head in the game and play your part. You will love it, I promise.


To fathers!
 

THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT HAVING A KID... BECAUSE NOBODY TOLD ME

1. You need extra help.

I am unabashed when it comes to telling people how much we put into the relationship and for the baby when my husband and I got Eva. Considering the fact that most couples in KL out there have help in in-laws and maids, we had only a babysitter who fortunately treats Eva like her own brood. Plus the fact that my husband and I are working full time jobs, it's a miracle how we cope. But we did. And I tell you, it is not easy. Doable, but it would be so much easier and less taxing on your relationship if you did get extra help.

2. You will lose sleep and get used to it.

In the first month after I delivered Eva, I was told to totally rest myself during the confinement period. In total, I only spent 24 days in confinement and most of the rules were relaxed with various alternatives put into play. It was around the third week into my confinement when I helped out with the late night feedings and it was then that I realised how tiring it can be for a full grown healthy adult to wake up every 2 hours to feed a baby who cries nonstop until she is fed. 

This will continue well until your baby is one year old. That means 12 months, that means at least 365 days of torture, 2 months during your confinement, 11 months when you are working. It takes a toll around the third month, but the amazing thing is your body learns to cope. And by the end of six months, even when she doesn't cry in the middle of the night, you will wake up on the dot at 4.30am, just because you are used to it.

3. You have three months (90 days) to fix up your body.

I learned this the hard way. Despite the fact that I had surgery to get Eva out of me, the effects of the surgery was the least of my worries. You feel like a hero, a giant after your baby safely leaves your womb with all ten fingers and ten toes intact, but the fact is he or she got those digits and the rest of his or her body from your body. Yes, every flesh, blood cell, bone and hair in that 6 to 11 lbs baby of yours came from your body, and once it has left your body, you have to start replenishing your body with nutrients, vitamins and more nutrients. The body is in full repair mode in the first 90 days and so it is best that you take calcium pills, more iron and plenty of fat-free healthy food. 

What if I don't? Well, then you would be like me. I tire easily, I have a consistent problem with my right knee (it hurts when I take the stairs or bend). My scar still hurts sometimes although it is gradually stopping to hurt as much as it used to. I had problems with hemorrhoids which is common in the first few months but not when your kid is already 10 months old or more. 

To deal with all those problems, I had to take supplement pills; I'm on calcium and zinc every single day, occasionally I take vitamin C pills as a diet supplement, and I take this bulking agent that tastes like white coffee which helps with my digestive tract. IF I did this in the first three months after delivering Eva, I wouldn't have to take them longer than 90 days.

But I'm coping better after I realised that I am not a super hero and I started taking better care of myself. And believe me, apart from cartoon characters, there are no such thing as superwomen.

4. Your patience will be tried, tried and tried again.

There are times when you will say one of the following or a similar variant:

'I seriously need a break' 

'Can this wait?' Seriously? Can it?'

'For Pete's sake, you gotta be kidding me'

'What do you want from me? What do you want from me?' (adam lambert style)

'I don't really care no more'

... sometimes in that order, though some will cut queue and come in earlier.

What I would suggest when this happens is to 

(A) give yourself some 'me' time; it will help and you can restructure your life, week by week.

(B) have cut off points for each section of your life: work, family, relationship, friends, me time. This means that when you are home, you focus on your family. You do not bring work home. You allocate time for movies, dinner and lovey dovey love time to work on you relationship. You keep in contact with friends and relatives wherever possible. Introduce your child to them slowly and work on that bond that will last many years into the future, for the good of your child. And when possible, update your blog... especially when it makes you feel super duper good when you do.

(C) know when to slow down or when to get away. Speaks for itself, don't it?

(D) reward yourself when you get through a certain tough stage: a tough project at work, a tough time in the family (fights, a funeral, freedom of speech that went in the wrong direction), do something to give yourself a confidence boost or as a pat on your own back (yes it is possible although not physically)

(E) enjoy every minute of it. Kids get in trouble all the time, no point getting angry about it every time something gets spilt or strewn all over the floor, no point screaming your head out every time your kid does something nasty to a favourite bag or dress or shoes, and no point worrying every time your kid falls or tumble or gets a cut (even though you can't help it, understandably), always look for the best in everything. Laugh instead of cry, choose to enjoy it and experience it to the fullest rather than worry about why your life is not perfect. 

Cause it ain't, and it won't happen any time soon. So, stop trying to act like it should be perfect.

5. You will start pinching pennies.

Diapers, clothes that will be outgrown in two months, socks, shoes that are for decor purposes, milk (half of which would be wasted because you don't understand which cry means he or she is hungry), equipment (bottles for each stage of their life), cleaning equipment (wet tissue, bottle brush, sterilising pills, thermos flasks etc), travelling packs, safety items (pins, carseat for kids, baby monitors, baby cots, special pillows) etcetera, etcetera, etcetera... u said it, boss. And they are super duper not cheap. 

6. You appreciate life more.

I now fully understand the miracle of a pregnancy. Not just childbirth which is downright scary and icky and.... nevermind. But something that developed from the size of the head of a needle/pin to a fully formed baby that is 3 kgs heavy... Come to think of it, I don't think I 'understand' it; more precisely, I 'appreciate' it. It's not easy to get pregnant, and it is not easy for the parents to come to terms with the changes they have to make to cope with the new addition to the family. However, 6 billion people and their families have cope, are coping or will be coping with that. Some do it better than others, and it would be great for you to seek inspiration from the few families who did it with flying colours.

You have officially been told.

SPANKING OR SPEAKING SOFTLY?

Eva was sick with the stomach flu two weeks ago. The flu bout lasted a good ten days and I was really drained of energy from what I can still safely call 'taking care' of her, although I didn't really do much. Her dad did most of it, including washing her butt six times a day during her diarrhea marathon. Yes, it was that bad. And no, I am not posting photos to prove it.

Anyways, Eva had fever, diarrhea (we covered that), was vomiting left, right and centre - including once when she vomited all over me and I had no choice but to hold on to her until she finished - was not eating because she had a bloated stomach and was crying and sleeping a lot. The flu also knocked out her dad for a day, he shared most of the same symptoms but recovered after sleeping through it for a full day.

Strangely enough, I just had an awfully busy weekend, working on both days, had achy feet, was suffering from pimples, stressed, lack of sleep, too much coffee and more stress after the event on the weekend and yet... I was fine throughout the whole bout.

... until Eva started demanding extra pampering. And demanded she did.

Constant criers are just asking for it, I say. 

I get it you know? That when babies are sick, they cry a lot.. a whole awful lot. But sometimes it was for no valid reason, they just want to get it out of their system, so when do I get it out of mine? I know it seems like a shallow thing to demand but even though I am a mother, I ain't a saint with an endless amount of patience. 

I let her be usually until she fully recovers; that's when my fuse gets incredibly shorter and to be honest, I blew up several times before I thought of writing this post. But to be clear, it is not because I am advocating the spanking process, in fact, it's the total opposite. At least with Eva, spanking does not work. She prefers the soft-spoken approach.

I spank, you spank, she got spanked

Everybody's happy.

Until she starts throwing a tantrum because we took away her toothbrush (she's going through a teeth-brushing addiction now, most of the time she just bites on the bristles) and she screams on and on and on, her feet kicking ferociously all over the place, she turns and squirms, rolls and wails like a troll, and she does the whole worship routine: while in a seating position she lets her body fall forward until her hands, arms, face, chest and tummy is touching the floor and she continues crying in the safety of er... the floor. *ahem* yes, it is a bit weird but she did it quite consistently so we knew that it was deliberate. Plus, she won't stop until either we give her something she wants (like the packaging box of a medicine tube that she likes to bite, or a toy that is already drowning in her saliva or something as simple as a thing that she can use to make loud noises with) or one of us smacks her. 

I smack her a lot. My heart pains everytime I do and the way she cries is like salt to the wound and she does it very very well. Ultimate guilt trap. So... I stopped. 

And it got to a point where one night I was super tired and decided to turn in early. Eva's dad had night's shift so to speak and Eva threw one of her tantrums only to find her thigh on the smacking end of her dad's palms. It wasn't even as hard as I usually do it, although I go for the spot with the most cushioning as a safety measure. Anyways, she did the whole guilt trap crying bit again and her dad temper was pushed to the brim and his patience meter is totally dried out.

I got up, grabbed Eva who was still crying her heart out and told her softly that she has to stop crying now or Daddy may smack her again. Didn't get her to stop, until I plugged in her pacifier. We all got some sleep, close to five hours' worth... then she woke up and continued sreaming. Her dad was still upset with her fit and so continued sleeping while I tried every method possible to figure out what she wanted. In the end, it was a small drink of water and her pacifier plugged into her mouth again. However, I did notice that she kept waking up in short intervals to check if I was there. 

The following day, she kept sitting close to me, won't let me leave her alone with her dad and she wasn't exactly speaking or responding to her dad the way she normally does. It's one of her main features; her grandma doesn't like it much, she calls it signs of spoilage... as in Eva has been spoiled by her parents, but I disagree. I think that since she looks up to her dad as her saviour everytime I smacked her, now that he has 'turned against her' she wanted him to know that he cannot do that to her without suffering some consequences. 

So the spanking worked for a bit, she did prefer to listen to reason when she found out that both her dad and her mother (me) would not hesitate to smack her if she doesn't behave herself.

Moral of the story is, go with what you think is the best way about this. Do not confine your teaching methods to books or website or even an elder's advice. It's your kid, it's your own flesh and blood, you will figure something out, and chances are, that is the best way for you to teach your kid the rights and wrongs of everything they do. 

Best of luck!

WORLD PEACE CAN WAIT

The Star Online > Tuesday December 22, 2009

BROTHERS ARGUE OVER INHERITANCE AT MUM'S GRAVE

THREE brothers did not only refuse to look after their ailing mother when she was alive, they even fought over her property at her grave, reported Harian Metro.

The sad case was related by the founder of a home for the aged, Muji Sulaiman, who expressed disgust at the actions of the brothers.

“They quarrelled over their mother’s assets when her grave was still fresh,” he said.

The brothers also demanded that Muji surrender their mother’s death certificate to enable them to withdraw her Amanah Saham Bumi­putra savings although the woman had left instruction for her money to be bequeathed to the needy.

Muji said the woman, who suffered from diabetes and hypertension, was sent to the home by her children about two years ago.

None of the brothers visited her despite numerous calls from workers when her health deteriorated.

The brothers only came to their mother’s grave after she was buried, and then only to fight over her belongings.

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It is very disturbing, to the point where many adults nowadays chose to remain unmarried and childless, for fear that they will in turn be turned out into the cold by their offspring during their golden years.

But what of those who have kids, and who can celebrate huge gatherings, reunions and kenduris together? What of those with sons who bring them on vacations, who walk patiently and slowly with them behind the busy crowd and hold their hands and lifted their elbows for fear that they misstep? What of the daughters who bring their children home every weekend to visit their grandparents, help their mothers cook and give massages to their fathers?

They are of the same flesh and bone as their violent counterparts, yes, those who hit the elderly, who leave them without protection, shelter or food and who argue at the fresh graves of their recently deceased parents with equally unemotional siblings over their rightfully owned inheritance.

If we are all the same, how can we treat those who brought this to this world so differently?

[Rambling mode kicks in.]

Right, the problem here is the upbringing, the environment and other external factors such as traumatic experiences, the peer group they mix in and the different values of the people they marry.

Say what?

All women go through labour and so they would go to the ends of the earth to protect, love and care for their young ones. No wait, some go through the relatively painless Caesarean section and forgo the all-hell-breaks-loose pain of childbirth.. so that isn't a main factor. While others just deliver the baby then throw them in a dumpster or leave them in religious buildings so someone else more 'responsible' will find the baby and care for it. And they themselvse are off, scot-free. So...

Hey, all parents love their children, even animals know to care for their young ones. No, wait, hamsters eat their young, usually forsaking the first generation so that they can produce stronger second-generation children that will survive in the wilderness or in the cage of a 12-year-old eager beaver. And not all parents love their children the right way: some abuse their children, some shower them with material gifts but none of the parental sort, some just leave them with sitters, grandparents or in homes because they can't take it.

Okay then, so... hey, what about the fact that parents are more educated now and thus will provide children with the best education possible which include being respectful to their elderly. But hey, don't doctors, lawyers and hot shot managers also throw their old and dying parents into homes? Why, yes, and why is that?

Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's because they are academically inclined but not taught the correct moral values or in their pursuit of academic and career excellence, they forgo family, bonds and relationships? Since family will always be there and in most careers, once an opportunity comes and you don't grab it, it may be lost forever, not going home for Chinese New Year suddenly becomes a necessity rather than a choice.

Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's the fact that more women are going to work and no one is around to take care, teach and train their children to be better individuals. Maybe it's because when women are getting better roles in the working world and losing their roles in homes, men are still not chipping in because going to the office is a whole lot more important (and bloody easier) than managing the kids at home, doing housework, managing the kids' schedule around their own work schedule, and during Sundays tending to the bbq and watching football are what they are entitled to after a 'busy' week at work.

Oh, I just don't know.

[Switching back to non-rambling mode.]

Ahem... society is made up all kinds of people. The old Chinese says that 'one type of rice feeds one hundred types of people'. This means that even though we eat the same food, we are not made from the same mould. Some of us prefer chocolate, others vanilla. Some of us are righteous, some cruel and conniving. Some like rainy days, while others have a lot of washing to put out to dry. And as we are with our preferences, we are also as fidget-minded when it comes to loving our family, especially when your spouse who grew up without either of your parents has a say about it.

"I love your mom too but she is becoming senile and I don't want her cursing around the children. I'm tired of picking up after her, cleaning her messes off the floor and having to look for my car keys under her bed everything I need to leave the house. Maybe a home is a better alternative for her. We can afford it and she will have friends there." Argument ensues.

Sometimes couples (or even siblings) argue over the smallest of things, like pinching the toothpaste tube on the middle or from the bottom, taking dinner with the tv or without, and chopsticks vs forks (it happens in my house) sagas. Sooner or later, this flows over to the parent zone. Whether it is staying in the same house with them, or going over to their house for gatherings, or caring for them after hip surgery, if either of the couple finds any of this a hassle, arguments will surely follow. If either of them thinks it is their responsibility as children to care of the elders, that they owe their position in life now to the past contributions of the elders, and that these things are nothing compared to the sacrifices of their parents or parents-in-law did... then perhaps there is hope for the coming generations.

It would be nice to see independent and working adults doing their best for their parents, returning the love and care that their parents showered them with when they were vulnerable and dependent once.

World peace. Can wait.
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Note: For what it's worth, newspapers only publish the odd and interesting, which usually makes up less than 5% of the normal and mundane real world.

So there is still hope.