KIDS THESE DAYS

It's possible that I am old-fashioned. Highly possible. But I'm finding it hard to understand teenagers or young adults who still act like they are teenagers. I did have to deal with a full adult, close to a cycle older than me (that means 12 years to you non-chinese zodiac speaking peeps) who acted like a teenager too. It's a luxury for them/her basically, not having to act like a professional when they/she should. I just had stricter upbringing, and I had to grow up a lot sooner than most kids. Not sure if it is a boon or a bane yet. Plenty of time to figure that out.

But what really really gets me is that they:
1. do not want to care
2. do not think you should care either because they think negatively of it eg you are speculating which is bad, you are gossiping which is bad, you are trespassing which is bad, you are asking too personal questions which is bad.
3. they do whatever they like, not what they are required to do
4. they reject anything that has the slightest reference to responsibility
5. think life is about them, not the other 6 billion people out there. To think about others takes a lot of them, and they can't handle it. therefore, they don't.

I'm worried about the future of society.

I'm not writing out of frustration, although a bulk of it may sound like it. It's not even disappointment... or disbelief. It's more of a... reflection of what is going on with today's youths.

Things may turn out fine. We may one day delete the use and necessity of marriages and of living together; everyone gets to live on their own or with people they cannot procreate with; news will be about new branded items that have come out and which gives you a chance to stick your credit card through the machine again because last month's transactions didn't screw the credit card enough; and everyone will be out doing charity because that's the way they show the world they care.. what they care about is a full other issue.

Sigh. I don't know. I'm stuck between generations. I have people older than me who says I am too young to be tied down as a mom, and I have friends who are younger than me who look up to me like they do their aunts (or older). To some I'm supposed to have all the answers, but the answers should fit the ones they already have in their head... or they tell me that I am not always right (= you are wrong and I know it cause I say so - welcome to teen logic), while to others I'm suppose to spoonfeed them, tell them how to walk, talk, drink, eat, sleep, be a mom etcetera etcetera etcetera.

Maybe I should stop caring. It would do good to the little soul I have left in me.

NEW NAME, NEW DIRECTION

Right, like 90% of bloggers out there, my blogging was to satisfy either 1. a need to be unapologetically narcissistic and 2. a need to write without caring if anyone reads it - if someone did, it's a bonus. Things get out of control after a month or two when you just about cover everything and anything without a plain and direct purpose.

Today, I take back the reins and decide that everything written here henceforth will be half-bake journals of a working mom. Now that sounds like a good blog name. *resisting the urge to write lol here*...

It's a resolution that I made, almost exactly halfway through the year. Well, at least I made one that I did not break!

Happy new half a year, people!

THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT HAVING A KID... BECAUSE NOBODY TOLD ME

1. You need extra help.

I am unabashed when it comes to telling people how much we put into the relationship and for the baby when my husband and I got Eva. Considering the fact that most couples in KL out there have help in in-laws and maids, we had only a babysitter who fortunately treats Eva like her own brood. Plus the fact that my husband and I are working full time jobs, it's a miracle how we cope. But we did. And I tell you, it is not easy. Doable, but it would be so much easier and less taxing on your relationship if you did get extra help.

2. You will lose sleep and get used to it.

In the first month after I delivered Eva, I was told to totally rest myself during the confinement period. In total, I only spent 24 days in confinement and most of the rules were relaxed with various alternatives put into play. It was around the third week into my confinement when I helped out with the late night feedings and it was then that I realised how tiring it can be for a full grown healthy adult to wake up every 2 hours to feed a baby who cries nonstop until she is fed. 

This will continue well until your baby is one year old. That means 12 months, that means at least 365 days of torture, 2 months during your confinement, 11 months when you are working. It takes a toll around the third month, but the amazing thing is your body learns to cope. And by the end of six months, even when she doesn't cry in the middle of the night, you will wake up on the dot at 4.30am, just because you are used to it.

3. You have three months (90 days) to fix up your body.

I learned this the hard way. Despite the fact that I had surgery to get Eva out of me, the effects of the surgery was the least of my worries. You feel like a hero, a giant after your baby safely leaves your womb with all ten fingers and ten toes intact, but the fact is he or she got those digits and the rest of his or her body from your body. Yes, every flesh, blood cell, bone and hair in that 6 to 11 lbs baby of yours came from your body, and once it has left your body, you have to start replenishing your body with nutrients, vitamins and more nutrients. The body is in full repair mode in the first 90 days and so it is best that you take calcium pills, more iron and plenty of fat-free healthy food. 

What if I don't? Well, then you would be like me. I tire easily, I have a consistent problem with my right knee (it hurts when I take the stairs or bend). My scar still hurts sometimes although it is gradually stopping to hurt as much as it used to. I had problems with hemorrhoids which is common in the first few months but not when your kid is already 10 months old or more. 

To deal with all those problems, I had to take supplement pills; I'm on calcium and zinc every single day, occasionally I take vitamin C pills as a diet supplement, and I take this bulking agent that tastes like white coffee which helps with my digestive tract. IF I did this in the first three months after delivering Eva, I wouldn't have to take them longer than 90 days.

But I'm coping better after I realised that I am not a super hero and I started taking better care of myself. And believe me, apart from cartoon characters, there are no such thing as superwomen.

4. Your patience will be tried, tried and tried again.

There are times when you will say one of the following or a similar variant:

'I seriously need a break' 

'Can this wait?' Seriously? Can it?'

'For Pete's sake, you gotta be kidding me'

'What do you want from me? What do you want from me?' (adam lambert style)

'I don't really care no more'

... sometimes in that order, though some will cut queue and come in earlier.

What I would suggest when this happens is to 

(A) give yourself some 'me' time; it will help and you can restructure your life, week by week.

(B) have cut off points for each section of your life: work, family, relationship, friends, me time. This means that when you are home, you focus on your family. You do not bring work home. You allocate time for movies, dinner and lovey dovey love time to work on you relationship. You keep in contact with friends and relatives wherever possible. Introduce your child to them slowly and work on that bond that will last many years into the future, for the good of your child. And when possible, update your blog... especially when it makes you feel super duper good when you do.

(C) know when to slow down or when to get away. Speaks for itself, don't it?

(D) reward yourself when you get through a certain tough stage: a tough project at work, a tough time in the family (fights, a funeral, freedom of speech that went in the wrong direction), do something to give yourself a confidence boost or as a pat on your own back (yes it is possible although not physically)

(E) enjoy every minute of it. Kids get in trouble all the time, no point getting angry about it every time something gets spilt or strewn all over the floor, no point screaming your head out every time your kid does something nasty to a favourite bag or dress or shoes, and no point worrying every time your kid falls or tumble or gets a cut (even though you can't help it, understandably), always look for the best in everything. Laugh instead of cry, choose to enjoy it and experience it to the fullest rather than worry about why your life is not perfect. 

Cause it ain't, and it won't happen any time soon. So, stop trying to act like it should be perfect.

5. You will start pinching pennies.

Diapers, clothes that will be outgrown in two months, socks, shoes that are for decor purposes, milk (half of which would be wasted because you don't understand which cry means he or she is hungry), equipment (bottles for each stage of their life), cleaning equipment (wet tissue, bottle brush, sterilising pills, thermos flasks etc), travelling packs, safety items (pins, carseat for kids, baby monitors, baby cots, special pillows) etcetera, etcetera, etcetera... u said it, boss. And they are super duper not cheap. 

6. You appreciate life more.

I now fully understand the miracle of a pregnancy. Not just childbirth which is downright scary and icky and.... nevermind. But something that developed from the size of the head of a needle/pin to a fully formed baby that is 3 kgs heavy... Come to think of it, I don't think I 'understand' it; more precisely, I 'appreciate' it. It's not easy to get pregnant, and it is not easy for the parents to come to terms with the changes they have to make to cope with the new addition to the family. However, 6 billion people and their families have cope, are coping or will be coping with that. Some do it better than others, and it would be great for you to seek inspiration from the few families who did it with flying colours.

You have officially been told.

SPANKING OR SPEAKING SOFTLY?

Eva was sick with the stomach flu two weeks ago. The flu bout lasted a good ten days and I was really drained of energy from what I can still safely call 'taking care' of her, although I didn't really do much. Her dad did most of it, including washing her butt six times a day during her diarrhea marathon. Yes, it was that bad. And no, I am not posting photos to prove it.

Anyways, Eva had fever, diarrhea (we covered that), was vomiting left, right and centre - including once when she vomited all over me and I had no choice but to hold on to her until she finished - was not eating because she had a bloated stomach and was crying and sleeping a lot. The flu also knocked out her dad for a day, he shared most of the same symptoms but recovered after sleeping through it for a full day.

Strangely enough, I just had an awfully busy weekend, working on both days, had achy feet, was suffering from pimples, stressed, lack of sleep, too much coffee and more stress after the event on the weekend and yet... I was fine throughout the whole bout.

... until Eva started demanding extra pampering. And demanded she did.

Constant criers are just asking for it, I say. 

I get it you know? That when babies are sick, they cry a lot.. a whole awful lot. But sometimes it was for no valid reason, they just want to get it out of their system, so when do I get it out of mine? I know it seems like a shallow thing to demand but even though I am a mother, I ain't a saint with an endless amount of patience. 

I let her be usually until she fully recovers; that's when my fuse gets incredibly shorter and to be honest, I blew up several times before I thought of writing this post. But to be clear, it is not because I am advocating the spanking process, in fact, it's the total opposite. At least with Eva, spanking does not work. She prefers the soft-spoken approach.

I spank, you spank, she got spanked

Everybody's happy.

Until she starts throwing a tantrum because we took away her toothbrush (she's going through a teeth-brushing addiction now, most of the time she just bites on the bristles) and she screams on and on and on, her feet kicking ferociously all over the place, she turns and squirms, rolls and wails like a troll, and she does the whole worship routine: while in a seating position she lets her body fall forward until her hands, arms, face, chest and tummy is touching the floor and she continues crying in the safety of er... the floor. *ahem* yes, it is a bit weird but she did it quite consistently so we knew that it was deliberate. Plus, she won't stop until either we give her something she wants (like the packaging box of a medicine tube that she likes to bite, or a toy that is already drowning in her saliva or something as simple as a thing that she can use to make loud noises with) or one of us smacks her. 

I smack her a lot. My heart pains everytime I do and the way she cries is like salt to the wound and she does it very very well. Ultimate guilt trap. So... I stopped. 

And it got to a point where one night I was super tired and decided to turn in early. Eva's dad had night's shift so to speak and Eva threw one of her tantrums only to find her thigh on the smacking end of her dad's palms. It wasn't even as hard as I usually do it, although I go for the spot with the most cushioning as a safety measure. Anyways, she did the whole guilt trap crying bit again and her dad temper was pushed to the brim and his patience meter is totally dried out.

I got up, grabbed Eva who was still crying her heart out and told her softly that she has to stop crying now or Daddy may smack her again. Didn't get her to stop, until I plugged in her pacifier. We all got some sleep, close to five hours' worth... then she woke up and continued sreaming. Her dad was still upset with her fit and so continued sleeping while I tried every method possible to figure out what she wanted. In the end, it was a small drink of water and her pacifier plugged into her mouth again. However, I did notice that she kept waking up in short intervals to check if I was there. 

The following day, she kept sitting close to me, won't let me leave her alone with her dad and she wasn't exactly speaking or responding to her dad the way she normally does. It's one of her main features; her grandma doesn't like it much, she calls it signs of spoilage... as in Eva has been spoiled by her parents, but I disagree. I think that since she looks up to her dad as her saviour everytime I smacked her, now that he has 'turned against her' she wanted him to know that he cannot do that to her without suffering some consequences. 

So the spanking worked for a bit, she did prefer to listen to reason when she found out that both her dad and her mother (me) would not hesitate to smack her if she doesn't behave herself.

Moral of the story is, go with what you think is the best way about this. Do not confine your teaching methods to books or website or even an elder's advice. It's your kid, it's your own flesh and blood, you will figure something out, and chances are, that is the best way for you to teach your kid the rights and wrongs of everything they do. 

Best of luck!

NEVER TOO OLD FOR CARTOONS

One of the best ways to destress after a tiring or stressful (duh!) time at work would be to do it with cartoons. Yes, cartoons. Preferably one that you thoroughly enjoy watching. It doesn't have to be funny, smart, well drawn or one that makes sense, so long as you enjoy it. 

My favourites are Phineas and Ferb (disney channel) and Chowder (cartoon network).

Phineas and Ferb

Stepbrothers Phineas and Ferb are engineering prodigies who produces engineering marvels during their summer vacations, right in their backyard. Candance, their sister tries to get them 'busted' by running to their mother every time she finds them 'up to no good' with one of their projects. 

Lucky for them, mom never really gets to see any of their projects (unless they are making it for her) and they get away scot-free while Candance vows time and again to 'catch' them on their next attempt. 

It's predictable after awhile, but the formula really diminishes any form of suspense (and in at least one of the episodes, they actually got caught!) which gives you peace of mind after a long day at the office. The writers' level of creativity in trying to replay the formula in every episode is also mind-blogging. And they write damn good songs too!

Oh, and before I forget, that teal and orange coloured animal at the edge of the surfboard with the two lead characters is their pet platypus who is a secret agent, Agent P. Got your attention yet? Here's what he looks like when he is not Perry, the platypus.

Agent P receiving orders at his headquarters interrupted by the Disney Channel crew.

Some of the favourite catchphrases that fans of the show would know are:

Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today - Phineas

Busted! - Candance

Hey, where's Perry? - just about anyone in the cast 

Oh, there you are Perry - just about anyone in the cast who sees Perry

Mo-o-om! Phineas and Ferb are [insert current project description] - Candace

What-cha doin'? - Isabella, girl who has a crush on Phineas

... and etcetera

Keep an eye out for Perry's nemesis, Doofenshmirtz in some of his crazy, wacky schemes to take over the Tri-State area (he's starting small, people), his tendency to monologue to Agent P before he carries out his plan, and his inability to trump Perry every single time (just gets better every time).

Doofus... I mean Doofenshmirtz, Agent P's arch enemy and playmate

Professor Doofenshmirtz's wacky contraptions (usually machines that end with the word -enator) destroys Phineas and Ferb's projects, right before they get caught by mom. So, he's good for something after all!

Chowder

 It's Chow time!

This is Chowder. I don't know what he is. Some say he is a cross between a bear, a cat and a rabbit. I just call him a boy with an incredible fascination for food who is an apprentice to a chef that makes weird food for their customers. Anyways, he gets to work in a kitchen and does not complain about anything except being denied access to any food, tasty or not. He lives with his si fu, Chef Mung (although I think that sometimes Chowder just calls him Mom - Mung and Mom sound alike to my old ears), Shnitzel (a stone-like monster that only says Radda radda but the characters still understand him anyways) and Truffles (Mung's wife who seems to have forgotten that women were supposed to be the feminine and weaker sex). 

 From left: Schnitzel 'Radda', Mung 'Mom', Chowder and Truffles 'Hardcakes'

Chowder also finds a friend in Gazpacho a fruit-seller who looks like an elephant and who works at the market, and a girlfriend (although he usually screams at her that he is not her boyfriend) in Panini.

 From left: Gazpacho

 From left: Chowder, and Panini in one of her hyperventilating mode

Panini and Chowder probably shares the most powerful love story in the history of cartoon network. I kid. His level of panic-ness speaks for itself about how much he loves her deep down inside. I kid again. Basically, he shows openly what most men feel deep down inside (especially after a one-night stand with a psychotic woman). 

Have fun, people!

 

Book Review: The Angel's Game

I attempted Zafon's second book, The Angel's Game last week. While I took close to a month to finish The Shadow of the Wind (see review below), also by Carlos Ruiz Zafon, having read TSOW somehow sped up my reading speed on the Angel's Game. Now on to the review.

Yes, I read this. In three days. 

I preferred TSOW, that was safe enough to say. Simply because I didn't feel cheated by TSOW. With the Angel's Game, I am tempted to say that Zafon did not try hard enough. 

But first... a synopsis (partial spoilers included)

David Martin, the protagonist, was given a chance to write a short story when the editor at the newspaper he was working for could not find anyone to replace a spot in the paper at the very last minute. Martin wrote with all his heart, established a storyline that left his readers wanting more and became a regular at the column until colleagues started succumbing to the evils of envy and start ocstracising him. He was subsequently fired and commissioned to write installments of City of the Damned for two blood-sucking publishers that milked him for all he had, but not before he was able to secure a mansion worthy of mention in the gothic series he created. 

Halfway through the writing process, Cristina, a girl he developed a crush on seeks his help and pointed out that he is better than the dark novels he is writing. He sets out to prove her right, and impress her, by refusing to continue writing what his contract required him to... and started writing what his heart tells him to. 

So far so good...

After a barrage of cruel twists of fate swarm Martin's life, he is approached by a gentleman named Andreas Corelli to write a religious-based book ala the Bible. That's when things begin to get weird. 

And don't get me started on the ending because you're not going to like it.

MAJOR SPOILERS ahead (here's when I start bitching):

Note: Bitching is a harsh word by the way but at the moment, no other word will correctly and quietly surmise what I'm about to do. 

For pete's sake (whoever Pete is, I'm sorry), is the guy schizo or is the devil he was making a deal with killing everyone? Who the heck is this Marlasca fella and what does he have to do with Martin apart from having lived in the home Martin bought? What's up with Irene, Valera, the witch and Salvador? And that last scene? What? Bringing Cristina back in the form of a child is supposed to make Martin feel better? worse? confused?

Sigh...

I want answers! But only because TSOW was so freaking awesome and easily explainable. By the last one-third of the book, everything began to take shape, falling into place in this huge jigsaw puzzle years in the making, and everything was explainable by someone, some reason or some cause. There were solid answers and it wasn't explained away by supernatural means like how TAG was... which left me sorely disappointed.

My futile attempts at sanity

Here are some of my answers as to what may have happened to David Martin during the course of the TAG storyline:

1. Martin died somewhere along the way and this was just something he was going through in purgatory. 

Status of theory: LAME - because you can't really make a deal with the Devil and still be able to meet with people you love, develop relationships with people you like and try to endure people that you hate (deep down inside). If you can, that's called cheating.

2. Martin was a schizo and he is going through a coping mechanism which was what Corelli was in essence.

Status of theory: WORKABLE - because let's face it, the guy has a lousy life and oh, let me count the ways.

(a) Dude had to contend with living with an abusive father.

(b) Dude loses abusive father to a bunch of thugs.

(c) Dude receives only a gun and not enough bullets from his father (hint hint)

(d) Dude develops a crush on Cristina, the daughter of a chauffer. She isn't even that interesting.

(e) Dude loses Cristina to Vidal, the only guy who made most of his life worth living for through multiple acts of charity and under-the-table opportunities.

(f) Dude finds out that Vidal was also the cause that his father died.

(g) Dude also gets the news that the book he wrote for Vidal was getting awesome reviews and selling like hotcakes, without him getting any credit, and worst of all, his only attempt at impressing Cristina gets shelved quicker than he can say "unfair-much".

(h) Dude's mom is not much of a reader - throws the book he wrote away like a piece of trash and that was the last we read of her throughout the whole book.

(i) If you are still looking for more things Martin can be sad about in this list, then you really should just read the book... I'm too sad to list anything else.

(j) At this point, any sane person would one, kill himself or herself or two, go crazy. I'm guessing Martin took route no.2.

So he develops Corelli who gives him something to do... write another book with an imaginary reward, a huge sum of money. And whoever gets in the way, get bummed off, permanently. What he experiences (as he narrates them, unreliably) and what really happened (as heard by someone else who had conversation with him) splits at the fork on the road, multiple times throughout the whole book, ending with him needing to run and live in recluse on an island somewhere because regardless of whether or not he killed all those people, they will hang him for sure, if they catch him. He finds refuge in Corelli bringing him Cristina in the form of a child, with partial memories of her remembering what they had before she was coldly taken away from him under a layer of ice.  

3. Martin did take up the bargain to write for Corelli and somehow Corelli is doing all the dirty deeds.

Status of theory: WORKABLE with conditions - At the end of the book Corelli is basically telling Martin that he only took Cristina away from him and he was sorry and so Corelli brought her back to him. The action was to be interpreted also as a punishment he had for Martin because Martin renegade on him about the book he promised to write but did not finish... Martin would see Cristina grow up, grow old and die, leaving him all alone as he is cursed, damned to live an ageless life all on his own.

This also basically tells us that everything else was done by him, as pointed out by Grandes who says that the angel brooch has always been on Martin's lapel since the first day Grandes met Martin. 

But it does not explain what Diego Marlasca and Ricardo Salvador had to do with all of this. There must be a link between David Martin and Diego Marlasca apart from the same initials and the fact that they lived in the same house, but the link is not apparent to this reader. Maybe whoever it is that lives in that house gets commissioned to write by Corelli. Maybe Marlasca disguised himself as Salvador to hide from Corelli. Maybe Zafon should have just left out that back story and work on expanding Martin's life more - like his mother, why she left his poor father - or Isabella - maybe listen in on more of her conversations with the bookseller, Sempere's son (Daniel Sempere's father) because her conversations with Martin are brilliant - the thing I enjoyed most throughout the book.

On a light-hearted note, I loved how he described Sempere Snr and delivered the backstory about how Isabella came to be Daniel's mother and how Daniel's dad is such a good-looking but 'slow' klutz. He didn't write much about the Cemetery of the Forgotten Books but personally I think he did a pretty good job about it in TSOW. 

I just wished he did better with TAG. I wonder if I am asking too much. On to the next book, woo-hoo!