Theory of relativity

Language being a barrier, it was surprising that my mother in law and I can actually sit down and have a conversation. No, I don't want to put antlers on my mother in law and send her out to the wilderness during hunting season. We don't talk much because I can't speak hakka and she isn't much fluent in mandarin. Both conditions occurring because of the lack of the need on both accounts. But we manage.

Again, the topic of whether or not one should whack kids came to play. I find it refreshing that my mother in law and I share the same ideology on this: spare not the rod but send not the child to the hospital.

I grew up in a household where whacking is normal. I turn out normal but later my parents said that they didn't do much whacking when we were growing up. But everything is relative. My mother says that in households with many kids, the kids themselves will automatically be good-natured thus whacking was not necessary. However, one piece of memory stuck to me until now.

I had a huge whacking once when I was in the single digit age group. The reason for the whacking: I said something to my grandmother that I wasn't supposed to say. It was, in current standards, relatively innocent, but back then it was a huge deal and Dad whacked me hard.

There were red marks on my thighs, or was it my arms. The length of the marks corresponded to the width of a leather belt. I don't remember crying, but I remember waking up while Dad was applying medicated oil on my 'wounds' and sniffing while he was at it. Such was the pain that parents feel when they had to whack their kids.

Now, while human rights are preventing kids from being whacked, parents are still feeling the slice of the knife across their hearts when they whack their kids. It's as if it is their own flesh and bone are in pain, literally. A colleague of mine wept in her own kitchen as her husband gave their only daughter a whacking for reasons unknown as she couldn't stand the pain of her daughter crying. I used to laugh at her for that. Now, I'm not sure I wouldn't do the same. Sigh... moms are so weak.

However, my mother in law tells me about a relative who whacks her kid so hard a neighbour went over to threaten to call the police if she continues with the whacking. The weapon chosen: rotan. According to my mil, the whacking stops when the husband is at home. With everyone else, the whacker is adamant on her authority to whack her kid as she sees fit and she is not quiet about that authority either. I guess everyone has their own opinions on how best to raise their kids.

Everything is relative.