Surviving Driving in Malaysia

Despite being able to announce a stimulus plan that utilizes the word "billions" (we love to kid ourselves), Malaysian drivers still live in a third-world mentality zone. I'm not comfortable using the word "Third World" but there isn't an easier way to describe it.

We drive BMWs and Alfa Romeos but we cut queues, lift fingers at other drivers when we're in the wrong (the more creative your signage, the higher chances you will end up winning the argument), rubberneck (meaning: irresponsibly slow down traffic to "keh poh" look and laugh at other people's misfortune for the sake of our happiness for the day. Ya, seriously, how many of you really was going to stop and help?) and cause traffic jams by not giving way or getting our cars into a kissing game with other cars.

We double park on busy streets, making them busier. We create imaginary parking spaces in parking zones; coincidentally most of these "creative" parking spaces are extremely close to centre entrances or lifts.

If we drive compact cars, we either weave through traffic or we drive like the car is the size of an airplane (Yes, your car can pass, trust me. No, I am not going to reverse my lorry just so you can have an extra two feet of driving space to maneuver through, you're driving a mousedeer for heaven's sake!)

Although there are 10 toll lanes, two being TaG lanes and the other two being Smart TaG lanes, we cannot wait a second longer to get through. And so we scare the shit out of pregnant drivers and old drivers who have the audacity to also use the same lanes, by cutting right in front of them in the last second, to save that extra second of our time.

We honk at slow drivers but swear at people who honk at us when we're trying to get in the front of that bloody long line near the busiest intersection in the most hectic morning ever... which is every morning, except when it is CNY or Hari Raya. How rude of them!

We ignore the suggestions of stopping as displayed by red traffic lights and honk at cowardly drivers who dare to stop at amber. Even more so when we travel in a helmet. Heck, why do we even have to stop? Unless we are being watched, of course.

Road signs with suggested speed limits? Ya, they are decor. Sometimes we don't even notice them, much less process the numbers displayed. Because if we do follow the speed limits, here come the flashing headlights, the tail-gating and the honking, again. I get harassed enough on the way to the supermarket, I'll be doing the harassing on the highway, thank you very much.

And lastly, who put this piece of paper here? I don't want to know what the word "Saman" means. I'm filing a complaint of windshield littering! Just you wait!